Each year’s end brings a chance to pause and reflect on all has transpired. As difficult as this year has been for me and my family, I am thankful for all that it has taught me. For I believe my difficulties have amplified my strengths, and my weaknesses have also illuminated my courage. It is said that you never how strong you are until it’s your only choice. 2017 has shown me I can endure way more pain and uncertainty than I ever imagined. I have come to realize that no matter what difficulties life places in my path— it cannot break my spirit and it cannot destroy my faith.
What’s your biggest takeaway from 2017?
In one of my favorite speeches, Steve Jobs eloquently describes how life must be lived forwards, but it truly can only be understood in hindsight:
“You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something – your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart even when it leads you off the well-worn path; and that will make all the difference.”
I know 2018 will test my limits but I truly believe all of my past challenges have prepared me for the difficulties that lie ahead.
Take for example the fact that my oldest daughter was born with a congenital heart defect which required numerous hospitalizations and finally heart surgery when she was only months old. I was 21 years old at the time, still practically a child myself, yet I was now responsible for another life besides my own.
I knew my having my daughter at such a young age would be full of challenges but I never imagined I would be struck with such difficulty almost immediately upon becoming a mother. Her heart defect caused her to struggle to gain weight, so it was decided that, at just 4 months old, she would need to undergo open heart surgery to repair the hole in her heart.
Her fragile state kept me and the rest of my family on high alert. I was told to not let her cry because any stress could make it difficult for her to breathe. During this time, she also began to have seizures when she would run a high temperature, mostly due to her low body weight. Her seizures and troubling breathing episodes required frequent trips to the ER followed by long-term hospitalizations. Soon my days became filled with doctor’s appointments and therapy for her.
As a young single mom, this was a lot to take in, but thankfully I had the support of my family and faith to lean on during these difficult times. Remarkably, due the amazing cardiac surgeon and all the nurses and staff at Advocate Children’s Hospital, my daughter made a full recovery and she is thriving today.
Looking back, all those health struggles and doctor’s visits prepared me for my next big challenge.
After my daughter made a recovery I began dating again and ended up falling in love with my coworker at the time. It was a happy time. Life was finally starting to feel wonderful again. Then in a blink of an eye, everything changed.
Six months into our relationship, all of a sudden, he began having a horrible migraine. He said it was the worst headache he had ever experienced in his life. Pain-reliever, ice, rest, no light—none of the usual remedies were helping to reduce the pain. The headache lasted for days it seemed. I finally urged him to go to the ER during a break at work.
The doctor at the urgent care was visibly concerned. He wrote him a prescription for a stronger medication to help with the pain. He then instructed him to get an MRI of his brain to hopefully rule out anything serious.
The amount of pain he was strikingly obvious and no amount of the medication or rest seemed to do much. It was a few days after the MRI when he received a follow-up call from the urgent care doctor with the results. He was told it was best that he come in to hear the news.
We drove over together in silence. The 5-minute drive from our office seemed like an eternity. Finally, we heard the news we were both suspecting but dreading to hear. The scan had shown he had a mass in his brain.
The next few days passed in a haze as we waited to meet with a neurologist/neurosurgeon at a nearby hospital. We soon learned that the mass in his brain was actually an AVM which is basically a cluster of blood vessels that was slowing constricting blood flow in his brain and if it ruptured, it could be fatal.
Like my daughter’s heart defect, my boyfriend’s AVM was something he was just born with. Thankfully, his AVM was caught and able to be treated before it ruptured, which is the unfortunate case for most AVM’s. They are typically only detected after they begin to bleed. He still required numerous procedures called embolizations, where special a specially-trained radiologist strategically blocked off blood flow in his brain through a catheter placed in his thigh. Prior to having brain surgery to remove the AVM, my boyfriend had to undergo 4 embolization procedures. Finally, in April of 2009, he had brain surgery to remove the AVM. Miraculously, the surgery was a success and he was able to make a complete recovery.
As scary as my boyfriend’s health scare was at the time, my daughter’s illness undoubtedly helped prepare me for being there for him as he went through his own struggle. From all the time I spent in hospitals with my daughter, I now felt more at ease speaking with doctors. I was comfortable with medical terminology and this in turn helped me ask important questions regarding his treatment and recovery.
Due the combined stress of my daughter and boyfriend’s illnesses, I had to take a break from my college studies. Once my boyfriend was on the road to recovery, I was able to resume my education. In May of 2010, my boyfriend asked me to marry him. We decided to postpone our wedding until 2012 when I would be done with school. We married in March of 2012. Two years later in May of 2014, we welcomed twins. Our family was complete and life was finally coming together. Then I got cancer.
As scary as this new chapter in my life is, I am embracing the changes that lie ahead. I now realize that all the major obstacles I have faced, both personally and in my relationships with others have paved the way for growth and new opportunities. I simply need to be brave enough to trust in my gut and face my fears. I truly believe your past doesn’t define you are, it simply prepares you for who you are to become. You simply need to pause long enough to connect the dots.
I believe 2018 will be a year filled with many surprises. I believe my patience, will, and body will be pushed to their limits. But I know that with my faith along with the support of family and friends, I have everything I need to move this mountain.
As 2017 comes to a close, I’m hopeful for tomorrow. I believe each day brings an opportunity to be a better version of yourself. So here’s to fresh starts and new beginnings because “it’s never too late to begin a new chapter, add a surprise twist, or change genres entirely.” I’m thankful for all 2017 taught me and I look forward to growing into the best version of me in 2018.