Life After Cancer: Finding Meaning & Purpose

Photo by Patrick Fore

Now what?

Now that my scars have healed and my hair has grown back, what’s next?

Fighting cancer challenges your body, mind and spirit.

When treatment ends, we often find ourselves picking up the pieces of our lives we put on hold or were too exhausted to manage on top of staying alive.

Adjusting to life post-treatment can be just as challenging for our battle-weary bodies and minds.

One of the hardest parts about remission is learning how to bridge the great divide from patient to survivor.

After my treatment ended, all the emotions and fears I had been suppressing to get to remission seemed to boil over when there was finally space to process everything my body endured.

I wondered, how will I ever trust my body again?

I struggled to remain positive with all the ongoing uncertainty.

Soon the anger, depression, frustration and fear became so loud it was impossible to ignore.

I had to dig deeper into these shadowy aspects of myself and get to the root of these feelings to truly heal.

Now that the cancer left my body, it was time to focus on healing the invisible wounds the cancer left behind.

Therapy was incredibly helpful, but I was still struggling to find a constructive outlet.

I was feeling stuck.

I read several books that provided incredible insights, but something was still missing.

It wasn’t until I joined a support community and started journaling that something finally clicked.

Putting pen to paper helped me make sense of all the chatter in my mind.

Connecting with others in the community on a similar journey helped me identify my limiting beliefs and learn more about the trauma that has kept me stuck.

Instead of fearing what may come next, I’m learning to take back control by doing what I can to stay healthy and surrendering to the fact that the rest is simply in God’s hands.

It’s still a daily struggle, but I refuse to let my future be dictated by the fear of relapse or a new disease.  

Although we aren’t always able to control what happens to us, we can change the way we THINK about the negative events that happened to us.

And that is how we connect with our POWER and our PURPOSE.

I may not always view cancer as a gift, but it certainly has been a catalyst in my life, pushing me to make many necessary changes, from my health and fitness to my finances.  

Cancer will always be part of my story, but I refuse to let it be the whole story.

I get to decide how the rest plays out from here.

And as terrifying as that can be to embrace fully being alive, I’m so thankful I’m still here to watch how the rest of my story unfolds.

Treatment Update

I recently saw my oncologist for a six-month check-up.

It was the longest I went in-between visits since being diagnosed.

Now that I’m over three years in remission, I don’t need to be seen as often.

I still get nervous before every visit, but thankfully my exam and all my counts checked out, so there are no concerns at this time.

I also learned the results for the clinical trial I participated in at Northwestern were recently published. To date, I and all the other patients in the clinical trial continue to show no evidence of disease.

As difficult as treatment was, knowing that I was able to help advance cancer care by taking part in a clinical trial has helped me find purpose and meaning within the pain.

My oncologist continues to reassure me now that I have passed over two years in remission, my risk for relapse is about the same as the general population.

However, due to the risk of secondary cancers, cancer survivors under 40 are urged to get yearly skin cancer screenings because of radiation exposure during treatment and scans.

I had been putting off visiting the dermatologist, but I had a couple of moles that appeared to be changing after treatment, so I decided it was best to get a consult. Fortunately, the dermatologist had no concerns either at this time, so I am feeling very relieved.

Thank you for your ongoing support. As hard as it can be navigating the uncertainty that comes with cancer treatment and remission, I’m so grateful I don’t have to travel this journey alone.

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Join the Hope Warrior Community

Please check out the following resources if you’ve also been feeling stuck, disconnected, or would like some additional encouragement. I’ve found this program and support community incredibly helpful throughout my journey.  

Hope Warrior Academy

A 5-week virtual program, helping you focus on one key area and get to the root of why you’re stuck.   

Learn More

Support Community: Encouragement During Uncertain Times

This is a community of hope warriors who love reminding you of your worth and power to make positive change. In uncertainty, words of encouragement can make all the difference! This page is free to join and strictly for sharing hope, encouragement, and positivity.

Join Group

Climbing Beyond Cancer

Sunrise on top of Doe Mountain Trail in Sedona, Arizona

Surviving cancer is like hiking a mountain.

Your climb begins the day you’re diagnosed.

At first, a giant obstacle is all you see.

The challenge ahead seems impossible.

“How will I make it through this?” you wonder.

You don’t know how, but slowly you start putting one foot in front of the other.

Before long, you hardly recognize your surroundings.

Instead of counting by days and weeks, you start to measure time by the number of treatment cycles.

The life you left when you started this journey seems so distant now.

A series of uphill struggles led you to this point, but there isn’t always a clear-cut path.

Then you start to notice footprints scattered in the rocky dirt of those who came before you.

Although this journey can be lonely, knowing others have been in the same place and survived gives you hope.

You don’t know how you’ll make it to the other side.

The only certainty is you must keep moving.

This journey pushes you to your limits.

Bodily changes.

Emotional challenges.

Debilitating side effects.

You feel every emotion from grief and terror to a deep sense of determination.

You begin to question everything and every relationship in your life— especially your connection to God.

Many times, you feel like giving up.

But you keep showing up regardless of how you feel.

Surviving cancer is like hiking a mountain.

Little by little, you start making headway.

The journey down can be just as challenging as your climb.

Progress isn’t always obvious.

Sometimes, it’s a series of switchbacks that slowly direct you to where you need to be.

With the support of family and friends and knowledgeable doctors, you’ll find strength, courage and surprising beauty along the way.

You gain far more than you lose.

You earn a new perspective and foster a deep sense of knowing— you can face and survive— more than you ever imagined.

Surviving Cancer: Rebirthdays & Remission

“It’s better to light a candle than curse the darkness.” -Chinese Proverb

Today marks three years in remission.

It’s my re-birthday of sorts —a day to celebrate beating cancer.

I didn’t have the words or time to truly celebrate being cancer-free when my doctor told me I was officially cancer-free.

I was halfway through chemo.

I had four more months of treatment and tests to make it through before I felt comfortable celebrating.

Getting told I was cancer-free was a welcome relief, but I was still frightened of what could come next.  

There was no evidence of disease, so why did I have to continue treatment?

I was told finishing treatment would help give me the best chance at long-term remission.

Looking back, there were definitely more tears than celebrating my first year in remission.

At the same time, I was told I was cancer-free—my hair was nearly all gone.

I “beat” cancer, but I felt like my body was slowly falling apart the longer treatment went on.

Knowing my body was healing while simultaneously watching myself transform into someone else before my eyes was a bittersweet feeling I’ll never forget.

It was hard to celebrate being cancer-free the first year.

I survived cancer, yet I felt like I lost so much of myself in the process and still had so much longer to go in treatment.

I’m now blessed to count my remission in years, and I’m slowly becoming more of a survivor than a fighter. 

The more time passes from treatment, the more I find myself excitedly looking ahead to the future. It’s a nice change of pace from years of constantly looking behind and all around me for signs of relapse.

The fear of cancer or another severe illness will always be there.

But I refuse to let it consume my every thought.

With each passing day, cancer seems to move further back in my mind. 

The farther I go in my journey, the more I realize healing from cancer is not about going to “war” and fighting all the cancerous cells in your body. It requires sending those parts of your body love and compassion.

Cancer taught me there is a light and dark side to everything.

Sometimes we have to be fully immersed in darkness to see the light.

But once we find the light—everything changes.

Some days it’s easier than others.

Some days my fear of relapse or illness is all-consuming.

But I’ve found no matter what you’re facing— your thoughts have power.

You may not always be able to change your situation, but you can always alter your perceptions.

So in honor of my cancerversary, here are the top 3 things I’m working on moving forward:

1. Prioritizing My Health & Making Healthy Choices Empowers Me

Since cancer treatment, I overhauled my diet completely. I went dairy and gluten-free, and I try to eat natural, whole organic foods whenever possible. Staying active and moving my body helps calm anxious thoughts. Focusing on what I put into my body and getting more active helps empower me to focus on what I can control.

2. Stay Curious & Keep Questioning

Curiosity is the ultimate weapon against fear. We only truly fear what we do not know, so learning all we can about the challenges we face helps us make the most informed decisions regarding our health.

3. Becoming Aware of Stories I’m Telling Myself

Most anxiety stems from the false stories we tell ourselves. These false stories are the worst-case scenarios we constantly replay in our heads. They are false beliefs about ourselves and our worthiness that cloud our relationships with others and impact our ability to fully heal. When my anxiety gets overwhelming, I try to take a step back. Meditation, breathwork, and prayer help ground me to the present moment by helping me realize what I can and cannot control.  

Remission taught me there is a thin line separating cancer survivors and fighters.

The more time that passes from treatment, the more I see cancer as more of a blessing than a curse or something I will have to continue to fight for the rest of my life.

Cancer was God’s way of showing the parts of myself that I need to recognize, honor and heal.

Cancer stripped away all that I thought I was and is helping carve me into who I hope to be.

I have to focus on what I can control and leave the rest to God.

After all, surviving cancer isn’t about moving on; it’s about moving forward with hope and faith the future will be better.

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Celebrating My Survivorship

On June 6th, 2021 I will be participating in Lurie Cancer Center’s 28th Annual Cancer Survivors’ Celebration Walk & 5K.

This year, I plan to celebrate National Cancer Survivors Day by hiking in beautiful Sedona, AZ.
Although I’ll miss gathering in person this year, I’m excited to celebrate virtually with cancer survivors around the world.

This event is a great way to honor and celebrate cancer survivors, inspire the recently diagnosed, accelerate vital research, and to help improve the lives of patients after treatment ends.

Help make a difference in the lives of cancer patients and their families by joining me virtually or supporting my fundraising goal.

Worrier and Warrior: Between Grief and Gratitude

Photo credit: Antonio Jeneski

Some days I'm more of a worrier than a warrior.

Some days, hard as I try, I can't shake the heavy feeling of dread running through my body.

Most days, I find myself walking a thin line between grief and gratitude.

Don't get me wrong. I'm so incredibly thankful to still be here.

I do my best to praise God every day for the breath that fills my lungs. But no matter how much gratitude fills my heart, there is still a giant piece of me grieving how life used to be.

I'm grateful to be a cancer survivor, and in a few months, I am hoping to celebrate three years in remission.

And the longer I'm in remission, the more distant my treatment becomes.  

I remember right after I was diagnosed, a recent breast cancer survivor told me, "one day you will wake up, and cancer won't be the first thing on your mind."

That thought stuck with me through treatment and into remission. I continue to keep this in mind as a quiet gauge of my progress and recovery.

When you face a traumatic event like cancer, I've learned you often can't fully process or grasp what happened until long after the event has ended. I personally didn't start fully processing my cancer journey until my first year in remission.

After nearly a year of immunotherapy and cancer treatment, once my body was out of survival mode, it was time to heal. But how and where to begin?

I soon discovered the trauma of fighting cancer lasts long after treatment ends.

Still, three years after finishing treatment, the smell of rubbing alcohol is sometimes all it takes to put my body back in fight or flight mode. Any unusual aches or symptoms, and my mind immediately starts to panic.

 Is the cancer back? Is this a possible side effect from treatment?

Emotionally, I have been struggling with increased anxiety, anger and PTSD. Weekly therapy sessions have been helping me learn new strategies and techniques for coping with such intense emotions.

Online cancer support groups have been a tremendous resource, helping me connect with other fighters and survivors who genuinely understand my ongoing fears and concerns.

Thankfully, since having my port removed in August, my treatment has started to feel more and more like a distant memory. 

Some days, cancer is the furthest thing from my mind. 

Other days, when I'm jolted awake by a painful leg spasm, I'm reminded just how much my body has endured and that my journey is far from over. 

Since my treatment ended, I've been struggling with a variety of cardiovascular and neurological issues. Cancer drugs cause various long-term health effects, from brain and vision changes, heart and lung damage, to increased risk of secondary cancers and fertility issues. 

I've been struggling with neuromuscular and mobility issues the most. Getting diagnosed with dysautonomia and POTs helped explain some of my more concerning cardiac symptoms after treatment, but painful neuropathy in my arms and hands and chronic leg spasms have been debilitating at times. 

Physical therapy, medications, and supplements have helped provide a little relief, but I've come to accept some of these issues may be permanent, lasting effects of my treatment. 

At the end of 2020, my neurologist was concerned that my newly diagnosed dystonia and persistent neuromuscular and mobility issues could be a sign of early-onset Parkinson's disease. In December, I had a DAT scan of my brain that thankfully did not show evidence of Parkinson's. 

My first Botox treatment helped ease my chronic headaches and loss of mobility in my neck. However, the persistent issues I've been having with my legs require additional testing. Lower limb spasms are a common sign of Parkinson's but also common after cancer treatment.  

I have an EMG, a nerve conduction test this week to determine what exactly may be causing my frequent leg spasms. My next big scan to ensure I'm still in remission is coming up at the end of March. 

As I continue to move forward further into remission and recovery, I am learning:

 God draws straight with crooked lines.

Although I may not be where I wanted or hoped to be by now, I'm not where I used to be, either.  

Courage often sprouts in the depths of sorrow, and from painful beginnings come stronger roots.

 Without the darkness, we wouldn't see the light,

 Without sadness, we wouldn't know happiness.

 Without pain, we wouldn't find relief.

 Worrier and warrior—I can be both and still be hopeful. 

If you are looking for some additional support during these trying times, I highly recommend checking out these communities and groups: 

Cancer Blogs & Support Communities

I Had Cancer

Stupid Cancer 

Cancer Patient/ Survivor Facebook Support Community 

Taking Back Your Life After Cancer

General Support & Encouragement Facebook Group 

Encouragement During Uncertain Times 

Check out the podcast I recently recorded with the Hope Warrior Project to learn more about my journey and how online support communities have helped me cope with cancer and more.

Melanie Mogensen is a writer, wife, and mother of three who knows all too well how life can change in an instant. In late 2017, Melanie was diagnosed with St...

Related Blogs:

Overcoming The Trauma of Having Cancer

Still Cancer Free*: Coping with Side Effects of Cancer Treatment

Getting Diagnosed with Dystonia

Unpacking Grief: The Ball & The Box Analogy

Healing is Not Linear

Moving Forward, Not Moving On

Check out my resources for more blogs about my cancer journey.

Hope Grows in the Dark

I long to be like a sunflower...

Eternally happy and cheery

Quietly growing

Always reaching toward the heavens

Faithfully finding the light

Even when darkness and shadows abound.

It’s been a long time since I’ve written.

Work and managing three kids eLearning from home has taken most of my attention. I’ve had little time or energy to focus on much else.

To be honest, I’ve been struggling to find the words to describe the whirlwind of thoughts I have constantly swirling in my head. But when things start to feel overwhelming, it’s usually a sign I need to disengage from the world for a bit and focus on my self-care.

In the past, I would try to turn to writing and blogging to cope with my intense feelings, but after hours in front of my computer every day, the last thing I want to do lately is to stare at another screen and type.

So instead, I turned to something I haven’t done in years… I started drawing.

I never considered myself much of an artist.

I haven’t drawn anything in years.

I believed I could hardly draw anything other than stick figures and a few basic shapes.

 But one day, as I was coloring with my kids and feeling a bit down, something changed.

At first, I decided to try to draw a landscape. I started with some trees, and before I knew it, I could feel my body relaxing and a smile spreading across my face as I continued to add more and more details to my drawing.

We had recently lost one of our beloved family pets. I was feeling pretty devastated over the loss, so I decided to turn my landscape into a picture of a reunion of all our family dogs meeting in heaven.

What started off being a simple drawing ended up being an emotional trip down memory lane. I dug out pictures of my old family pets to ensure I got all the details right. Before I knew it, my heart went from feeling heavy and broken to feeling full of laughter and love as my children, and I reminisced over all of our old pets.    

Drawings of our family dogs reuniting in heaven.

It’s been a long time since I gave myself the freedom to create without being overly critical of the outcome. To me, there is no better feeling than being able to let my mind freely wander, and my pen create. Once I was able to let go of judgment and replaced it with an openness to go with the flow and see where my creativity took me, I was amazed at what I was able to create.

 That drawing was the start of many more.

My husband is an incredible artist, and he was kind enough to get me started with some drawing supplies. I have always loved nature, so I decided to hone my drawing skills by drawing some of my favorite still life objects: flowers and trees.

This week I practiced drawing a sunflower—one of my favorite flowers.

The persistence of the sunflower seed, pushing through the dark soil and blossoming into the eternally, cheery sunflower inspired me to write the following post. 

Hope is a force that can’t always be seen.

Just as seeds do not question
the blackness that surrounds them
Darkness leads to powerful transformations.

When I struggle to find the light
Sunflowers faithfully remind me
To stand tall and trust the process.

Hope blossoms every time
I dust myself off and
fearlessly choose to try again.

I’m slowly learning…

Growth doesn’t stop in the dark.

Healing isn’t linear.
I can’t go beyond
if I don’t step within first.

An essential part of healing
is holding space
beyond the pain.

Through the uncertainty,
In the uncomfortable silence;
After unfathomable waiting,

Miracles are born.

While I’m worrying
God is always working.
⠀
Preparing me.
Providing for me.
Proving anything is possible.

Apples, Onions & Coping with Uncertainty

Photo credit: @ericmogie

“Life is like an onion. You peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep.” - Carl Sandburg

Some problems are like apples, while others are more like onions.

Sometimes when you try to reach the core, all you find are more layers.

Cancer taught me not every problem has a core issue that can be clearly resolved.

Some issues are more like onions— seeping into our everyday life and changing the essence of everything they touch.

Have you ever tried to peel an onion completely to its core?

Once you start peeling layer by layer, you will find that the center of the onion is simply another layer waiting to unfold.

In many ways, 2020 has been like one giant onion.

Layer

upon layer of

Unprecedented.

Undeniable.

Unavoidable.

Uncertainty.

This year has been full of moments where I wanted to crawl out my skin from the itchy, uncomfortable feeling of constant overwhelm.

I’ve felt a mixture of anger, confusion, fear and downright insanity as the boundaries between working, schooling, parenting and society continue to blur and bend.

On top of chronic health challenges, I’ve been juggling work and homeschooling, plus my family was recently displaced out of our home for nearly four months due to extreme water damage. 

It’s so easy to get lost in this idea that we are only feeling one thing when, in reality, many layers are happening at once.

Life can’t always be boiled down to this or that.

Sometimes it’s this AND that.

You can be both.

Grateful AND grieving.

Exhilarated AND exhausted.

Determined AND disappointed.

Hopeful AND heartbroken.

As we peel back and work through each layer of ambiguity and move towards understanding what this “new normal” means heading into 2021, we may be met with tears and untold resistance.

Yet each layer serves a purpose and strengthens the whole.

Onions remind us of the importance of staying firmly rooted when those around us try to cut us apart. They are proof that even the tiniest pieces can make a huge difference.

Maybe apples and onions are God’s way of reminding us you can’t have bitter without a little sweet, and some things can’t be truly understood until they pass through all of our senses.

Ultimately, it seems the only way to truly know the difference between an apple or an onion is to taste it for yourself.

Getting Diagnosed with Dystonia

Remission doesn’t stop the effects of cancer.

When treatment ends, the battle turns from physical to mental, as you try to reclaim your health moving forward.

Although I’m now two years in remission, I still struggle with the fears of relapse.

 Each time I feel a sore muscle or unusual bump in my neck, my mind immediately jumps to the worse possible scenarios.

 “Is this cancer back?…this is exactly how you were feeling right before getting diagnosed.”

 One of the first things I noticed while looking in the mirror one day was one side of my neck was raised higher than the other.

For a while, I thought it was just a bad muscle knot. I had spent the last three years carrying my twins around, so some tightness and a few sore muscles were normal, right?

But my symptoms quickly grew worse.

I was extremely fatigued, and my hands and joints were so weak and sore I was losing mobility.

At first, one doctor believed I had early-onset rheumatoid arthritis.

But a few months later, I noticed a large bump near my collar bone.

Soon I learned I had Stage 3 Hodgkin Lymphoma.

I responded well to treatment, but I still struggle with fears my cancer will return.

Thankfully, I have an excellent team of doctors and therapists who have been incredible at helping me cope with the effects of treatment. They patiently help reassure me I am still cancer-free, despite how hard the story in my mind tries to convince me otherwise.

Unfortunately, recent health challenges have made me more on edge.

Since treatment ended two years ago, I’ve dealt with several concerning health issues from irregular heart rate, vision changes, and frequent fainting. After a concussion in June, I’ve also been struggling with leg and hand spasms, chronic headaches, and extreme neck pain.

My neck was one of the main areas of lymphoma in my body, so it’s always been challenging to know if my residual neck pain is muscular, caused by enlarged lymph nodes or a result of my treatment.

Fortunately, recent scans showed I do not have a brain tumor as once feared, and my last scan in mid-September showed no evidence of lymphoma. I still have some enlarged lymph nodes in my neck, but my doctor believes that is most likely due to treatment and should lessen over time.

According to my oncologist, reaching two years in remission is a huge treatment milestone because now my change of relapse is about the same as the general population.

I’ve been doing my best to try to put the fears of relapse behind me, but I haven’t been able to shake the discomfort in my neck and some other troubling symptoms.

Getting diagnosed with dysautonomia and POTs last year helped explain some of my more concerning cardiac symptoms, but my chronic headaches and neck pain haven’t improved despite physical therapy and neuro rehab.

I’ve been unable to break my headache for more than a few hours each day.

I felt pretty discouraged until I came across a long-forgotten part of my family medical history a couple of weeks ago that gave me a clue to a potential cause of my chronic neck pain.

My chronic symptoms along with new family history led me to a related neurological movement disorder called cervical dystonia.

Cervical dystonia is a rare neurological disorder that causes painful neck spasms and abnormal head postures. It can also cause tremors and severe cramps in your hands and feet and impact your ability to speak.

Last week I was fortunate to get evaluated by a neurologist at Northwestern who confirmed I have dystonia. My doctor believes the dystonia was possibly caused by a combination of genetics, medications, and past surgeries in my neck area.

Unfortunately, there is no cure for dystonia, and without proper treatment, it can sometimes get progressively worse.

Thankfully, there are several treatment options, and I believe this new diagnosis will help explain many of my troubling symptoms and chronic pain.  

For years I have struggled with a variety of complex medical issues.

Now that pieces of my medical puzzle are coming together, I feel a strange mix of validation and excitement to finally be on the verge of some relief.

Later this week, I am scheduled for my first set of Botox injections to help relieve the painful muscle spasms in my neck.

While the thought of multiple injections to my neck, back and shoulders is pretty terrifying, many patients have reported a lot of relief from a combination of Botox and physical therapy, so I am hoping for the best.

After all, a diagnosis can be a double-edged sword.

The upside is your struggle finally has a name and a possible game plan. The downside is a diagnosis can leave you feeling a bit discouraged, dependent on long-term care or, at worst, stigmatized by a label.

A diagnosis can lead to many possible outcomes. But it does not determine your worth or future success.

I am hopeful this diagnosis is simply the start of better days to come.

Learn more

Cervical Dystonia

Dysautonomia/POTs

Hodgkin Lymphoma Signs & Symptoms

My Treatment

Botulinum Toxin Injections for Dystonia

Hopeful Warrior Project Update  

Thanks to your generous support, I was able to donate 30 warrior bags to Northwestern’s Supportive Oncology Program at the end of September. It was the perfect way to celebrate being two-years cancer free and help support other cancer fighters at Lurie Cancer Center.

Click here to see pictures and learn more about the Hopeful Warrior Project.

Simple Ways to Support Someone During Their Cancer Fight

How do you support someone just diagnosed with cancer?

When someone you love gets diagnosed with cancer, you often wonder what you can do to help support them during such challenging times. The time between getting diagnosed to beginning treatment can range from a few weeks to a month or more. Knowing what to say or do to help support your loved one can be difficult, especially when their diagnosis and treatment plan is still unknown. As a recent cancer survivor, here are some simple and thoughtful ways to help and support someone during their cancer fight.

 1. Show Support on Treatment Days

Find out your friend or loved one’s treatment schedule and then work out a plan with other friends and family members to support them on their treatment days. Once treatment begins, it typically follows a predictable schedule. Chemotherapy is usually given in cycles over several months. A series of cycles is called a course of treatment. Understand how many treatments they will require per cycle for their course of treatment. For example, during my chemotherapy, one cycle equaled two treatments. I had two weeks off in between chemo sessions. In total, my course of treatment included three months of immunotherapy, followed by six cycles (or twelve treatments) of AVD chemotherapy. It’s important to note, people respond differently to chemo so they may need extra support for a few days following treatment. For instance, I often felt the worst on day four after a chemo infusion. Work out a plan with other friends and family to help support them during treatment and in between cycles. Can you help with childcare or rides to treatment? Friends and family can also show support at a distance by all wearing the same color shirt or socks on treatment days.  

2. Organize a Meal Train

Websites and apps like Meal Train,  TakeThemaMeal, or Give InKind make it easy to organize a meal train with friends and family members to support someone during their cancer fight. You can enter likes, dislikes, food allergies, make a wish list, fundraise, and list the best times to drop off meals. Shared virtual calendars help you coordinate meal deliveries, and you can also send gift cards to local restaurants or food delivery services like GrubHub, DoorDash or UberEats.

3. Offer House Cleaning Services 

A clean home is of the biggest ways to help support a friend or loved one during their cancer journey. You and other family and friends could take turns cleaning their house or helping with laundry during treatment. If you can’t physically help clean, consider buying a cleaning package or gift certificate from a local cleaning service in their area. Cleaning services like Molly Maid and Merry Maid offer gift certificates and have locations nationwide. Many cleaning services have recently partnered Cleaning For A Reason to provide discounted pricing and services for cancer patients in the United States and Canada.  

4. Help with Grass-Cutting/Yard Clean-Up

Offer to mow your friend or loved one’s grass or help tidy up their yard or garden. Helping out as much as once or twice a month can make a huge difference. If you’re unable to help physically, consider hiring a lawn care service to help them care for their home while they are in treatment. Paying for gutter-cleaning or one-time fall or spring-clean up services through sites like Groupon is another great way to help a friend or loved one with home maintenance during their cancer fight.

5. Decorate Their Home to Show Support

Consider surprising your loved one before they begin treatment or during treatment milestones by decorating their yard or the outside of their home with lights, signs, and balloons to show support. You can find a great assortment of yard signs and lights on Etsy and Amazon.

6. Organize a Drive-by Parade

Drive-by parades are a great way to show support and let your friend or loved one know they aren’t fighting cancer alone. Consider planning a parade to encourage them before their first treatment to celebrate reaching remission or their final treatment.

Supporting Cancer Fighters from a Distance:

 How can you help or support your friend or loved one through their treatment, especially when you’re not able to be with them?

1. Call and Text Regularly 

Knowing what you need when you’re fighting cancer can be difficult. Your feelings and needs often change as you go through treatment. Make sure to call or text your friend or loved one regularly to let them know you are thinking of them and wishing them well. Messaging them throughout their treatment can make a huge impact. Research shows prayer and a strong support system can greatly improve treatment outcomes.

2. Send a Card

Mail your friend or loved one a card or send a virtual greeting card to help brighten their day and lift their spirits. Knowing what to say or write to someone diagnosed with cancer can be difficult, but there are many great sites like Live Better With and Not Another Bunch of Flowers that have the perfect messages to uplift and inspire the fighter in your life. Soul Lite Cards will mail complimentary hand-made art or photo cards to your friend or loved one. You can contact Soul Light Cards through email, Instagram, or Facebook to receive a card or send one to a friend or family member.

3. Grocery Gift Cards & Meal Delivery Services 

One of the last things a cancer fighter should have to worry about is their meals or how they will pay for their family’s grocery bill. Consider sending a gift cards for a local grocery store or gifting a subscription to a grocery delivery service like Shipt, InstaCart, Thrive Market, or Fresh Direct.

4. Send a Care Package

While you can’t change your loved one’s diagnosis or treatment, you can do something to make that process a little more enjoyable, especially when they are facing chemotherapy. Chemo treatments can be long, tiring, and uncomfortable. By putting together a cancer care package, you can stand by your loved one going through treatment. Warm blankets and socks, lip balm, lotions, headwear, and personalized water bottles are wonderful items to include in a cancer care package. Organizations like Battle Cap Project, Warrior Bags, Tenaciously Teal, Lemons of Love, and Chemo Kits offer various care packages you can send a friend or loved one. Click here for a list of organizations currently providing free cancer care packages.   

5. Gift Streaming or Subscription Services

Chemotherapy sessions can typically last for hours. Some of my favorite things to do during treatment were to listen to audiobooks, read, or watch movies. Consider sending an Amazon Prime, Netflix, Disney+, or Audible membership. Audible members can also easily send others books or credits to enjoy free audiobooks, even if the recipient is not a current Audible user.  

Knowing what to say to a friend or loved one diagnosed with cancer can be difficult, but it’s important to remember they will need continual support beyond their initial diagnosis. At the beginning of an illness, there tends to be a flood of support, and then it begins to trickle. It’s important to remember that the help is not just needed when a person is in the hospital or active treatment. The effects of cancer can last well into remission and long after treatment has ended. 

Remember that there are no rules when it comes to supporting your friend or loved one through cancer. Although you may feel uncomfortable or even scared, make sure to treat your friend or loved one the same way you treated them before the diagnosis. No matter how you reach out, whether it’s in person by phone, email, or text, what you say and how you say it—it’s important to reassure your friend or loved one they aren’t in this fight alone. 

Cancer Support & Care Package Organizations Quick Links:

Here are some great charitable organizations to check out for cancer care packages and more.

Cleaning For A Reason

Live Better With

Not Another Bunch of Flowers

Battle Cap Project

Soul Lite Cards

Lemons of Love

Chemo Kits

Tenaciously Teal

Warrior Bags

Give InKind

Learn more about my efforts to help support other cancer fighters through the Hopeful Warrior Project.

Visit my Resources page for more information to help support you or a loved one during their cancer journey.

Looking Back: 7 Lessons I Learned Fighting Cancer

Looking back on things, the view always improves.

Two years ago today, I finished chemo.

 It’s one of those anniversaries you want so much to celebrate but also forget. 

 I’ll always remember the thoughts racing through my head as I feverishly rang the bell I brought from home to help mark the end of my treatment. 

My body was weary from battling cancer for 9 months, but my spirit was ready to reach the finish line and celebrate my hard-won victory. 

Reaching the end of treatment is a huge milestone. 

Although I had reached remission months earlier—now I finally felt like I could take a breath and celebrate beating cancer. 

As treatment went on, I silently wondered how much more I could take.

I worried how much worse the side effects would be as time went on.

Nausea. Pain. Fatigue. 

“What if it gets worse?” kept echoing in my head. 

I thought the feeling of uneasiness would end once I reached remission.

I hoped the dread would dissipate once treatment ended. 

It didn’t.

The worry simply comes out in different ways now.

It’s the anticipation of watching my hair grow back.

It’s the anxiety that proceeds my doctor visits.

It’s the crippling dread that follows any unusual symptoms. 

I’m cancer two-years post-treatment and while I’m now cancer-free—my mind is never free from worry about cancer. 

Although I want to put the memory of my treatment in the past, this cancerversary is an important marker to celebrate because it’s a reminder of just how far I’ve come. 

As much as I want to forget cancer was ever a part of my life, I believe helping other cancer fighters is one the best ways to honor this treatment milestone.

Looking back on these last two years in remission, here are my seven biggest lessons from cancer: 

1.     Think of your illness in terms of waves not war. 

Battling chronic illness is often related to going to war. We are called fighters and warriors. However, while the war-torn feeling and adrenaline from constant fighting resonate with many—life isn’t always about fighting. It’s important to think of your illness in terms of waves not war. There will be ups and downs. Chaos and calm. Uncertain. Unpredictable. Uncomfortable times. But learning to navigate this new life builds resilience. After all, we all may face the same stormy seas in time, but we are not in the same boat. 

2.     Cancer treatment is constantly evolving. 

Cancer treatment has come a long way. Now, new developments like immunotherapy are changing how cancer is treated. Take the time to research your options and available clinical trials. It’s important to remember cancer treatment affects everyone differently. Some people lose all their hair. Others may not. Some people experience many difficult side effects. Others deal with very few. Although I lost my hair and felt extremely weak at times, I was still able to work part-time and care for my three children.

3.     Never be afraid to get a second opinion. 

There is no one-size-fits all approach to health. There is not always one answer to every issue. What works for one person won’t necessarily work for everyone. It’s so important to be your own health advocate. Never be afraid to ask questions. Your diagnosis may not always be correct. You shouldn’t feel rushed to decide about treatment, even when your health challenge is severe. You’ll never regret getting a second opinion. At the very least, it may simply confirm your treatment choices and give you peace of mind.  

4.     Build a support network. 

Being chronically ill or going through cancer treatment can be one of the loneliest experiences in the world. While you may feel alone at times, focus on building a strong support network around you — family, friends, partners, doctors, psychologist etc. Find doctors and other health professionals you can trust and consult with during treatment and beyond. A strong support network is critical because you will continuously have to communicate with them and lean on them during uncertain times. 

5.     Connect with other survivors. 

Social media platforms like Facebook can be a great way to connect with other cancer fighters. One of the best things I did shortly after getting diagnosed was to join an online support group. There, I was able to ask other fighters questions that my doctor couldn’t necessarily answer like how to break the news to friends and family, why I should get a port for treatment and the best way to prepare for my first chemo. Simply type in your health challenge or cancer type in the search bar on Facebook, and you will find different support groups to join. Now, Facebook groups also include the ability to connect with others directly for one-on-one mentoring through the messenger app. Outside of social media, Imerman Angels and I Had Cancer are great ways to connect with others and find additional one-on-one support. Getting connected with other fighters and reading the stories of other survivors gave me the added hope that one day I will reach remission too. 

6.     Focus on what you can control. 

In times of great stress and uncertainty, it’s easy to feel helpless and even hopeless. But it’s important to ask yourself, what’s most likely to affect you? What can you control, and what is impossible to control? Keep asking yourselves these questions. I’ve found the key to coping with anxiety and uncertainty is learning to focus on what you can control. Try to use your thoughts as an anchor. It’s important to be aware of all sides of a situation but only pay attention to the things you can directly control. Feeling overwhelmed? Start by organizing the space around you. Feeling stuck? Move your body. Feeling depressed? Get out in nature. You may not always be able to change your situation, but you can always focus on the things you can control.  

7.     Staying grateful and curious helps you find the silver lining. 

It is normal to think there’s no hope. No better tomorrow. To want the pain to end. It’s understandable to worry if things will keep getting worse. But I’ve found gratitude and curiosity are the best cures for uncertainty. As difficult and challenging battling cancer was, there was always something to be grateful for, even on my worst days. A warm blanket, fuzzy socks, a text from a friend—taking the time to write down 5-10 things you are grateful each day is a great way to stay positive and shift your perspective. Staying mindful of the words you use to describe your situation is also important. When you become aware of the words and phrases you are using, it becomes easier to spot negative thoughts and rephrase them into more positive ones.  

 Two years later, my treatment is starting to feel like a lifetime ago. 

While the worry and dread are still there—things are starting to change. Now, instead of wondering if things will keep getting worse, I’m asking myself if this is simply the start of things getting better. 

Hopeful Warrior Project Update:

I’ve been busy putting the finishing touches on the warrior bags I will be delivering to newly diagnosed cancer patients at Northwestern later this month. Thank you to all those who sponsored a bag as part of my Hopeful Warrior Project. Because of your generosity, I was able to put together over 30 warrior bags. Learn more and see more pics here.

Related Posts:

Ringing the Bell: Celebrating Milestones During Treatment

10 Tips for the Newly Diagnosed

Immunotherapy Nearly Cleared My Stage 3 Cancer Before Chemo

Learning to Let Go and Go with the Flow

“Nothing is softer or more flexible than water, yet nothing can resist it.” - Lao Tzu

The only difference between a few drops of water and a flood is persistence.

So far, 2020 has flooded our minds and our hearts with great uncertainty.

Unpredictability is now the only guarantee moving forward.

No one knows what will happen next.

The hits are relentless.

They seem to keep coming from every angle.

“What else?” and “What next?” are my daily mantras.

I am growing tired of juggling so many responsibilities.

Global shutdowns. Trying to balance working from home and eLearning. Planet-threatening asteroids. Murder hornets. Top it all off with a possible brain tumor to start the summer and this year has left us wondering how much more we can take.

Now, on top of the global pandemic, my family of five (plus our dog) is dealing with severe water damage to our home.

Our kitchen had to be nearly gutted for the repairs.

The water damage to our home was so extensive that we had to temporarily move into a hotel this week while the restoration process happens.

Unfortunately, this living situation may last for the remainder of the summer because it could take over a month for the repairs.

This news was another punch to the gut in an already difficult year.

But as painful and uncomfortable as this is, we’re trying hard to focus on the silver lining.

We are incredibly thankful our insurance will be able to cover most of the cost of the repairs.

Kitchen before

The water caused extensive damage to our subfloor so most of the cabinets and flooring near the sink had to be removed.

We had to remove our range, sink and dishwasher to complete the dry out and repairs.

We are doing our best to turn this gigantic nightmare into one great family adventure.

Since this news came the week leading up to our planned family getaway in Michigan, we are choosing to view this all as an extended vacation.

One of the biggest positives of this whole ordeal is that we were able to get long-term accommodations at a nearby hotel with a great indoor pool, just 15 minutes from our house.

Because if this year has taught us anything, it’s the need to be flexible above all else.

When things start to get overwhelming, I remind myself to try to be like water.

Water is powerful and persistent.

One of the most sacred aspects of all creation, nothing can resist the steady flow of water.

It flows, flushes and floods, going wherever it wants.

Water cannot be held—only contained.

Formless and shapeless, it conforms to any container you put it in.

Water does not resist—it simply flows through any obstacle.

Water reminds us that once we stop resisting the currents of change, we begin to float.

As challenging as this situation is for my family, we are focusing on making the most of our time together.

We keep counting our blessings and reminding ourselves it could always be worse.

Letting go of the need to control the outcome is never easy, especially in times of high stress.

But I’ve learned stepping into the flow of life starts when we can focus on the good that surrounds us.

When we surrender to what is instead of trying to control what will be, we begin to rise above our current challenges.

 No matter the size of the obstacles in our path, faith, like the mighty force of water, will carry us through this great river of uncertainty.

After all, even during dark times, there is always a bright side, if you know where to look.

Port Side & Leaving My Comfort Zone

My chest port has made treatment, hospital stays, and blood draws easier—but it is also a constant reminder of cancer.

My chest port has been a lifesaver in more ways than one.

It has made treatment, hospital stays, and blood draws easier—but it is also a constant reminder of cancer.

The bump just beneath my collar bone is often strategically covered by my shirt, swimsuit or dress so you can hardly notice it.

But I know it’s there, and so do my kids.

As much as my port has helped me, it still reminds my kids of cancer.

My port makes them cautious to hug me and reminds them of those scary times when mom was too ill to be with them.

I try to put on a brave face and show my kids that cancer—like any challenge—can be an opportunity for growth.

I made a point to not let having a chest port interrupt my ability to have fun or be active.

 Since getting my port, I’ve played volleyball, gone swimming in pools and lakes, and even went on a Slip-N-Slide.

But now that I’m nearing two years since my last treatment, it’s time to get my chest port removed.

It’s a big milestone and a big step forward in my remission.

Before I began treatment in 2017, other cancer fighters urged me to get a chest port to help make my chemotherapy infusions easier on my veins.

It was not an easy decision because it required surgery to place the port-a-catheter in my chest and requires another surgical procedure to remove.

I have a difficult time with medical procedures and tend to pass out giving blood, so I was extremely worried about how I would be able to tolerate the procedure and months of treatment.

I’ll never forget how just reading about the Power Port I was going to have implanted in my chest caused me to pass out.

My body felt so fragile.

I wondered how much more I could take.

I doubted my strength.

I was so scared.

But my chest port ended up being one of the best decisions I made.

I put a numbing cream on before my port gets accessed, so I hardly feel it.

I found my chest port so helpful during treatment that I still have it in over two years into remission.

While my port was once a sign of illness and cancer, it has slowly grown into a vivid reminder of my power to overcome any challenge.

It’s taken me most of my life to become comfortable in my skin.

It took getting cancer for me to realize my strength and see beauty where I once only saw scars.

Since having my three kids and battling cancer, my waistline and appearance have changed so much—at times, I hardly recognize the new me.

It has been a journey learning to love my curves and see my scars as beautiful.
Cancer has helped me see my body in a whole new light.
Pain has an uncanny way of pointing your attention to what truly matters.

Cancer pushed me out of my deeply rooted comfort zone and helped me learn to accept the unknown and be at peace with great uncertainty.

Watching my body rapidly change and become scattered with scars and losing my hair during treatment was the start of my self-acceptance and greater self-love.

After all, feeling beautiful has nothing to do with what you look like.

True beauty radiates from within.

My port may be a sign I had cancer, but in the end, it’s a reminder cancer never really had me.

Learn More

What Is an Implantable Port?

What is a Chemo Port and Why You Will Want One

Mind Matters: Caught Between Fighting and Surviving

Photo of me after my brain EEG. June and July have been full of tests, scans and doctor visits trying to determine what exactly is going on in my brain.

There is a thin line between fighting and surviving. 

Two years ago, I was fortunate to cross that line and enter remission. 

Remission left me floating in a sea of gratitude and awe at the impossible odds I had overcome, yet I was left with an unsettling feeling as I wondered what was next. 

Once cancer enters your life, either as a patient or caregiver, it seems to become part of you. 

No matter how many years have passed since your diagnosis, the worry and dread are hard to shake. 

Cancer has you constantly looking over your shoulder and second-guessing any symptom. 

Cancer gives time a new meaning and puts a new urgency to make the most of the moments you have left. 

As a survivor, I’m often caught between wanting to proudly share my story and wanting to forget cancer was ever a part of my life. 

 I often question whether I’m doing the right thing.

But each time I start to doubt my purpose, life has a way of reminding me how far I’ve come.  

Every time I start to wonder if I should continue to share my story, God has a funny way of showing me what a difference my experiences can make in someone else’s life.     

I believe situations happen, and people are put in our path for a reason. 

There are no coincidences. 

After a challenging first year in remission, I made it my goal for 2020 to build out my blog and focus on sharing my story across different websites and platforms to help support other cancer fighters.

I’m passionate about sharing my cancer journey and incredible success with immunotherapy because I believe my experience can help advance treatment for others.

Throughout my journey, I’ve found that the right information and the right time can make all the difference when it comes to cancer treatment. 

I had big plans to celebrate being cancer-free for two years. 

As one of this year’s Faces of Cancer at Northwestern’s annual Cancer Survivors’ Celebration in June, I hoped to celebrate my remission by giving back to other cancer fighters at Lurie Cancer Center through my Hopeful Warrior Project.

But life had other plans. 

My summer started with a bang with the news my concussion brought to light: a CT and MRI scan showed what appeared to be a benign tumor in my brain. 

After months of planning and anticipation at launching my Hopeful Warrior Project, the news of a brain tumor couldn’t have come at a worse time. Everything I was working towards was put on hold as I tried to come to terms with having a brain tumor.  

Thankfully, I was able to get a more detailed follow-up scan, which showed there was actually no definitive tumor. Still, some visible changes in my brain require continued testing and monitoring. 

But after months of lockdown, followed by challenging health news at the start of June, I decided I needed to take a break from social media.

It all became too much.

I disconnected from my page and my blog for a little while to focus on my health and continue to process everything that happened in just a few short weeks.

From vision, hearing, and neurological assessments to weekly physical therapy, the rest of June and beginning of July was a flurry of tests, scans and doctor appointments trying to get more answers to what is going on inside my brain.

I restarted neuro rehab to improve my lingering concussion symptoms; however, over a month after my concussion, I am still dealing with chronic headaches, nausea, brain fog, and severe neck pain. This is not unusual as several doctors told me, concussion symptoms can linger for months after an incident. 

Two weeks ago, I consulted with a neurologist at Northwestern who ordered an EEG of my brain to check for seizure activity that could potentially be causing me to pass out when under stress. 

My doctors believe that these episodes which caused my recent concussion, while extremely concerning, are most likely a result of my dysautonomia and underlying vasovagal syncope—not an underlying heart or neurological issue. However, we will know more definitely once I have the results of my EEG. 

There is no cure for vasovagal syncope. The symptoms can only be managed through a combination of diet and lifestyle modifications. Sometimes medication or surgery are needed depending on the severity of symptoms.

I am hoping I will continue to see my symptoms improve over time. Neuro rehab, somatic bodywork, and physical therapy are helping to build my strength and enhance my overall mental functioning. 

Each week, I feel a little clearer and stronger. I’m hoping I will continue to see my symptoms lessen as my therapy continues. 

Life has certainly been a series of peaks and valleys lately, but I’m starting to find the middle ground. 

As I continue to navigate the bumpy road forward feeling caught somewhere between fighting and surviving— I just want to thank you.

…for being here

…for reading this

…for praying and supporting me through it all. 

To learn more about my story and the inspiration behind my Hopeful Warrior Project, check out the recent podcast I recorded with the Neurologic Wellness Institute. You can also listen on Spotify or watch my interview below on YouTube.

Hopeful Warrior Project Update 

As my health continues to improve, I am now able to move forward with my Hopeful Warrior Project. 

Thank you to all of you who have sponsored a warrior bag or expressed interest in a partnership opportunity. I’m working on assembling my warrior bag so that they are ready to be delivered to cancer fighters at Lurie Cancer Center next month. 

I officially finished treatment on August 9, 2018, so my goal is to deliver the bags at the beginning of August to celebrate the two-year anniversary of such an important treatment milestone. 

Thanks again for all your prayers and positive vibes this month. 

Your support means the world to me. 

Learn More

About Dysautonomia

Neurological Rehabilitation

A Complete Guide to Manage Dysautonomia: Symptoms, Diagnosis and Treatment

Vestibular Rehabilitation Can Improve Dizziness After A Concussion

Adversity and Answered Prayers

Sometimes it takes a significant hardship for healing to occur.

Sometimes it is only when we are deep in the struggle that we remember our real strength.

 The last few weeks have been full of adversity, obstacles, and challenges.

Health. Family. Work. Finances.

The waves of adversity have been flooding us from all sides lately.

Though adversity may bring enormous obstacles, it can also usher in unexpected answers to our prayers.

My journey has shown me that mishaps can lead to incredible miracles.

 No one wants to hear they have cancer or a brain tumor.

We just want validation what we are experiencing is real.

Deep down, we all want confirmation our feelings are valid.

In this way, a diagnosis can be weirdly validating.

Finally, you have an answer.

All the symptoms and years of suffering start to make sense.

While a diagnosis can be devastating and difficult to cope with, it’s comforting to know there is a valid reason for your pain.

A week ago, I was told my latest MRI showed some abnormalities in my brain that are suggestive of an MVNT tumor.

My doctors reassured me it was not cancerous and therefore does not require any surgery or treatment, just continued monitoring.

As shocking as the news of a brain tumor is, I felt strangely validated.

Now I had an explanation for all my ongoing neurological symptoms since finishing treatment nearly two years ago.

The last week has been a frenzy of doctor visits, scans, and testing, trying to determine exactly what is going on in my brain.

Within the last week, I have spent close to an hour inside an MRI scanner. 

As painful and uncomfortable as all the testing was, it was a necessary piece of the puzzle.

As much as I dreaded the thought of undergoing back to back brain scans, I was able to definitively know there is no actual tumor causing my symptoms. 

I was just starting to accept the reality of having a brain tumor, so I’m still trying to process the news that I don’t.

Where I once had a possible answer, I am now left with more questions.

But that’s the nature of healing.

Just when you think you are closer to resolving one issue, a new one appears.

As disheartening as this can be, it’s important to remain hopeful.

I am continually reminding myself where there is pain, there is purpose.

 Where there is uncertainty, eventually clarity will come—sometimes when we least expect it.

Where there is great adversity, God always ensures there are avenues for miracles too.

National Cancer Survivors Day

For 27 years, Northwestern’s Lurie Cancer Center Survivor’s Celebration has honored cancer survivors and supporters, celebrated milestones and help raise funds to advance vital research. This annual celebration of cancer survivors has been one of the biggest highlights throughout my cancer journey.

Lurie Cancer Center’s Annual Cancer Survivor’s Celebration will always be a special day for me.

Each year on the first Sunday in June, in honor of National Cancer Survivors Day, thousands of cancer survivors and supporters come together in Grant Park to help advance critical research and to celebrate life, hope and healing. 

As a cancer survivor, this annual event holds a special place in my heart because two years ago, it was the first time I could publicly celebrate beating cancer—months before my treatment even ended.

Thanks to the success of my immunotherapy and chemo treatments, my midway scan back in April of 2018 showed I had no evidence of disease.

I was officially in remission but still had to complete all six cycles/12 treatments of chemo.

Although I was still in active treatment, I was able to walk in Lurie’s Annual Cancer Survivors Celebration in June of 2018 to celebrate beating stage 3 Hodgkin Lymphoma.

Holding my oldest daughter’s hand as thousands of people cheered when crossed the finish line is a feeling I will never forget.

August 9th, 2018, was my last chemo treatment, but my journey is far from over.

I’m now facing some new challenges, but today will always be a vivid reminder of how I’ve come and how much there is to celebrate.

Becoming a survivor is a gradual process—not easily summed up or put into words.

Cancer taught me surviving is often a matter of perseverance and perspective. 

I’m slowly learning surviving is:

Moving forward —not necessarily moving on. 

Gradually growing in faith and learning to move farther from fear.

Surrendering to what is, and making peace with what was. 

After all, surviving may bring scars, but it is the process of overcoming that makes you a survivor.

This year’s event is extra special because I am honored to be featured as one of the “Faces of Cancer” at Lurie’s virtual Cancer Survivors’ Celebration.

The Many Faces of Cancer

This year, as one of Lurie Cancer Center’s Faces of Cancer, I was asked to offer some advice to the newly diagnosed. My advice: “Take a breath and remember you are more than your diagnosis.”

I am one of the many faces of cancer.

I am one example that Stage 3 cancer can be overcome.

I am one reminder that your diagnosis doesn’t define you.

I am one story to let you know anything is possible.

I am fortunate to be a two-year cancer survivor.

I am lucky to be able to count by remission in years.

I may be one of the many faces of cancer,

But I hope I also remind you of the possibilities on the other side of a difficult diagnosis.

If you or someone you love was diagnosed with cancer,

Take a deep breath and remember:

You are MORE.

More than a patient.

More than just another statistic.

More people are surviving cancer than ever before.

More advanced treatment options like immunotherapy are helping MORE people reach remission.

You are more than this moment.

You are more resilient than you realize.

This isn’t the final chapter.

There is MORE to your story.

More memories to be made.

More victories and breakthroughs are ahead.

More possibilities.

More HOPE.

---

This year, I was honored to be able to share my story as one of Lurie Cancer Center’s “Face’s of Cancer.”

We were asked to offer some advice for the newly diagnosed in honor of National Cancer Survivors Day.

Gone, Never Forgotten

You never know the real impact of a person, place, or thing until it’s no longer a part of your life. 


Since I heard the news, I can’t help but think about the last time I heard your voice.


How long has it been?


It doesn’t seem fair that you’re gone. 


Why did God have to call you home so suddenly? 

Why didn’t we get a chance to say goodbye? 

I keep trying to envision your smiling face and the warmth of your embrace through these nonstop tears.

How many years have passed?


I can almost hear the sound of your booming laugh, as memories of you start to flood my mind.

Why did it have to end this way?


No matter how many years have passed, hearing you’re now gone, hurts the same.

It’s believed when someone you love dies, you gain an angel you know.


Although we will miss you dearly, heaven clearly needed you more. 

I can’t think of a better angel for God to have at his side.


My heart begs for answers.

Part of me will always wonder why and what could have been.


But I’m relieved you are no longer in pain.

Your body was getting so tired of fighting.

You held on as long as you could.


Although I didn’t get to tell you I loved you once more,

Although I didn’t get to hold your hand, hug you, or say one final goodbye—I’ll be carrying you with me.

I’ll always be holding you close in the back of my mind.

I’ll be keeping you in my heart until I can once again hold you in my arms. 

Although I never got the chance to tell you, your presence in my life was a gift and a blessing.


You taught me so much about compassion, generosity, service, and that the love of family knows no bounds.

I’m so thankful our paths crossed.

I’m so grateful for the moments we shared.

I’m a better person for knowing you.

It was an honor to love you and a privilege to be loved by you.


Our family is made stronger by your memory. 

Our lives are richer; our hearts made fuller, from loving you. 


Though you are gone, you will never be forgotten. 

Your memory echoes on in our thoughts, our words, and our hearts. 

After all, it’s impossible to forget someone who gave us so much to remember. 

In Loving Memory of Bianca Flank, our beloved Nana B.

Related posts: Unpacking Grief: The Ball & The Box Analogy

Knowledge Is Power: Be Your Own Health Advocate

“There is no wealth like knowledge, no poverty like ignorance.” Buddha

Knowledge is power, but information can be a double-edged sword.

After I was diagnosed with cancer, I was told not to dwell on the statistics.

I was told everyone responds differently, and endlessly researching every symptom and potential outcome will only increase my anxiety.

 I believe the same advice applies now too.

When you are dealing with life and death scenarios, information is critical.

Cancer taught me that the right information at the right time can make all the difference.

But can you ever really trust all the information that you read?

Can you ever really be sure you aren’t taking someone else’s opinion as fact?

No, I don’t believe you can.

That’s why you should always trust your gut.

Trusting my gut and constantly pushing for answers is a big reason I believe I am still here.

My cancer journey and numerous health challenges have taught me that we should always respect doctors, nurses, and health professionals, BUT you always have the right to disagree.

Never be afraid to get a second or third opinion.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with questioning a medical professional who offers health advice because it is simply just that—ADVICE. 

No two doctors are necessarily going to give the same advice to a patient.

It’s important to always keep an open mind regarding the information and facts as they are presented.

Health can be subjective.

There is not always one answer to every issue.

There is no one-size-fits-all approach to health.

What works for one person won’t necessarily work for everyone. 

Medicine requires a lot of trials and errors to get it “right.”

To understand how the information applies to your life, you should always run the “facts” through your body’s other brain: your gut.

Your gut is the final test.

You know your body best.

Does something feel off?

Always trust your instincts.

If I didn’t trust my gut and push for a surgical biopsy as soon as I discovered the swollen lymph node in my neck, I don’t know where I’d be today.

If I didn’t thoroughly read my labs, scan results, and seek out independent consults, you might not be reading this right now. 

Always be your own health advocate.

Now, more than ever, you have all the information you need at your fingertips to empower your health decisions.

Take the time to understand how your immune system works.

Don’t be afraid to read and research your condition or symptoms in medical journals.

You should always be allowed to ask questions.

Any medical professional who encourages you NOT to ask questions, or who criticizes you and tries to discourage you from researching things for yourself, is not being professional.  

You shouldn’t feel rushed to decide about treatment, even when your health problem is severe.

Second opinions are critical:

• When the diagnosis is cancer

• When surgery is recommended

• When the diagnosis or treatment is unclear

• When the patient is your child

• When you want peace of mind

Always remember, your diagnosis is not always correct.

 Many studies show second opinions often result in a completely new diagnosis:

 A 2017 study of over 200 patients by Mayo Clinic found that 88% of patients looking for a second opinion, left with a new or refined diagnosis. 21% of the people left with a “distinctly different” diagnosis.

 Another controversial study conducted by researchers at Johns Hopkins Medicine in 2016 estimated that more than 250,000 Americans die each year from medical errors—making errors the third leading cause of death behind heart disease and cancer.

Be your own advocate. 

You’ll never regret getting a second opinion. 

Staying informed about your diagnosis and the possible treatment options helps ensure you will walk away with the best treatment plan possible.

Sources:

Yale Medicine

Mayo Clinic

Johns Hopkins University

Visit my Resources page for more blogs and other resources to help support you and your loved ones during your cancer treatment and beyond.

 Learn more about The Hopeful Warrior Project.

Scars Are Beautiful Reminders

Scars remind us what hurts us can also lead to what heals us.

It doesn’t take more than a glance in the mirror to let me know how much life has changed.

I’m slowly getting used to the face staring back at me.

No matter how much I try to resist the urge, most days my eyes can help but fixate on the jagged scars on my neck and collarbone.

These scars are a vivid reminder of how far I’ve come on my journey and how far I still have to go.

Scars are a reminder that trauma and transformation can coexist.  

As much as I want to conceal my scars, their presence reminds me imperfection is a natural part of life.

My scars tell an incredible story of survival.  

Each scar scattered across my body is a little signpost, reminding me that the pains of my past will always be with me— yet life goes on.

No matter what odds may be stacked against you, healing is possible.

Our scars remind us that there is more to life than simply surviving.

Our scars remind us there is another side to our pain.

Our scars remind us that our pain has the power to separate and unite us.

Our pain can lead us to discover our purpose and our people.

It’s a matter of how we view our scars.  

What will you discover about yourself when you learn to embrace pain rather than run away from it?

In a strange way, as I learn to embrace the painful events of my past, I’m becoming thankful for my scars.

This May I was blessed to celebrate being two years cancer-free from Stage 3 Hodgkins Lymphoma. 

Each year I am blessed to celebrate as a survivor, lets others know they can survive too.

To All The Moms on Mother's Day

“A mother is she who can take the place of all others but whose place no one else can take.”

— Cardinal Meymillod

As I became a mom, my heart has grown and expanded just as much as my waistline.

 Each day, I watch in disbelief as I’m blessed to hold in my arm the bundles of possibilities I once grew in my belly.

From the moment I felt those first flickers of life, deep inside me something shifted.

 Suddenly life was no longer just about me.

As a mom of three, my appearance has changed just as much as my priorities.

The scars that now dot my body remind me of my sacred responsibility.

As women and mothers, we are vessels.

 Our bodies carry and birth future generations.

 Not only do we mold their bodies in our wombs,

 We shape our children’s minds and hearts through our words and actions.

Today is a time to pause and celebrate all mothers.  

The mothers by birth and those by choice.

No matter what name you go by, motherhood is a choice we make everyday.

Mothers choose to put someone else’s needs and happiness ahead of their own.

As mothers we regularly sacrifice our own well-being and sometimes even our bodies for the sake of another.

We are all being called to nurture and mother each other through these uncertain times.

Whether we carry our babies in our bodies or now in our hearts, we are mothers.

Mothers are the selfless women who inspire us daily to be better versions of ourselves.

To all the moms, step moms, soon-to-be-moms, and those without moms:

Who are doing the work of two all on their own.

Who have hard days but continue to love even harder.

Who are overwhelmed and exhausted but continue to push forward day after day.

 Who teach the hard lessons and love unconditionally,

Thank you for being the teachers, the trailblazers, the hope bringers and the love givers the world so desperately needs. 

Happy Mother’s Day!

The Power of Growing Slowly

365 days of hair growth in this picture. (May 8, 2019-May 8, 2020)

“Be not afraid of going slowly, be afraid only of standing still. ”

— Chinese Proverb

There is power in growing slowly.

Losing my hair to cancer two years ago taught me that moving on and returning to our old ways is not always possible— but moving forward is.

Watching my hair gradually grow back has taught me that growth is not always measurable, but whether we realize it or not…

Each day we are constantly changing.

But it’s how we measure our personal growth that makes all the difference.

Real growth is not always visible.

After my treatment ended, I so desperately wished I could snap my fingers and my life and appearance would return to my “normal” pre-cancer days but watching my slowly grow back has taught me a valuable lesson in patience and self-love.

Transformation takes time and when we focus too much on our end goals, we miss out on the process of growing.

We tend to overlook our tiny successes because we become frustrated, we haven’t achieved our end goal yet.

Life doesn’t always give us want we want; but when we look closely enough, we can see we are always being given opportunities to grow.

And our growth often occurs in darkness.

Just as a tiny seed struggles to reach the light; our challenges often push us out of our comfort zones and require us to adapt, grow or fall behind.

And this growth is hard.

Sometimes it feels like parts of us are dying.

Maybe those parts are dying.

But from the remains of what was, we can start to rebuild our lives.

This last year taught me that the in-between stages are some of the hardest parts of growth.

But when we are being stretched and challenged in a new way and pushed far out of our comfort zones—that’s when the most growth happens.

All of us must continuously grow and adapt throughout our lives.

Slowing down enough to enjoy the process of learning and growing helps us find joy in our individual journeys.

In the end, it doesn’t matter how you grow or how long it takes; all that matters is that you are growing.

May we continue to grow in faith and not fear.

May the love in our hearts and for one another continue to expand.

May we continue to move forward; despite all the obstacles in our path.

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On May 1, 2020 I was blessed to be able to celebrate 2 years cancer-free!

Here is a look back at some of the highlights from the last two years of my journey: