Right before Thanksgiving, my world was turned upside down when I found a lump on the side of my neck. I so desperately wanted to wish it away and pretend it wasn’t there. It was the start of the holidays and this is not what I had planned. I initially put off going to the doctor thinking it was in my head, when I finally felt the urgency to get it checked out. For my family’s sake, I decided it was best to know for certain what I was dealing with so that I could get the proper treatment if necessary.
From the troubled look on my doctor’s face to the slew of tests she ordered, I knew in my heart it wasn’t good. The next few days and weeks became a whirlwind of doctor appointments, imaging tests and blood work. The uncertainty of waiting for results became an uncomfortable norm.
My blood work showed elevated white blood cells, but my doctor didn’t think I had an infection. “Let’s wait to see what the CT scan shows.” Sure enough, my CT scan showed I had SEVERAL areas of enlarged lymph nodes in my neck. My heart sank into my stomach. Next came the news, “We need to take a biopsy of the enlarged lymph node in your neck.”
I opted to be aggressive and chose to have a surgical excision. While my doctor could perform a simple biopsy in an office setting, having it surgically removed and tested was the only way to ensure that they were taking enough tissue to get a proper diagnosis.
The day before Thanksgiving, I had outpatient surgery to remove the lymph node. The next day we hosted Thanksgiving dinner. I wasn’t going to let the fear of my impending diagnosis hamper our holiday fun.
Almost a week later, I received the news I feared. The tissue sample tested positive for lymphoma. I had cancer. Now the holidays are always stressful, even more so when you’re struggling with an illness, disability or injury. So how do you cope and find joy during the holiday season, when the whole world seems to be celebrating?
The first thing to realize is that, despite what we often see in holiday movies and on TV, the fact is many people struggle during the holidays. You are not alone. Whether you have recently lost a loved one or a job; moved or gotten divorced; or are of a non-Christian background — we all face the challenge of navigating a holiday season that can deepen the sense of being separated from the happy majority.
While there is no magic formula for dealing with the complex emotions that the holidays can bring, here are some tips that helped me find joy after being diagnosed with cancer right at the start of the holiday season:
- Use the holiday season to pause and reflect on what truly matters in your life. Illness and injury bring traumatic changes, but some good always remains. Identify the relationships and activities that bring you joy—and make time for the people and events that nourish your spirit and make you smile.
- Set lower expectations. Be aware of your energy level. Give yourself permission this year to accept less than perfect in your decorating and baking. Tell yourself, “This is temporary, I can let it go this time. I plan on being around for many more holidays.”
- Let others help. If your list of holiday list of "things to do" is overwhelming, assign a few tasks to others. They’ll get the satisfaction of helping—and you’ll find you have a little more breathing room.
- Learn to rest. Fatigue is a very common side effect of treatment and illness. Listen to your body when it is telling you it is tired. Give yourself permission to rest and relax.
- Reach out. Friends and even family may not understand exactly how you’re feeling, but they genuinely want to help. Sometimes just talking about your feelings of sadness or isolation can lighten the burden of those feelings.
- Consider a simpler approach to gift-giving. Tell all those friends who've been wanting to do something for you that they can help most by expecting no presents or cards this year. Within your own family, save time and deepen the true spirit of the season by giving personal gifts with no monetary value.
- Savor the simple pleasures of the season. The food may not taste as good, and the smell may hinder your appetite as a result of your treatment. Allow yourself to enjoy being around others and look forward to enjoying meals at the next holiday, when your treatment is over.
- Find a way to do something for somebody else. Living with an illness, acute or chronic, can be all-consuming. Avoid being defined by disease, by reaching beyond the limits and preoccupations of illness to connect with others. Send a card to someone you know who's sick or lonely. Or call them to just to let them know you're thinking about them.
- Join a support group. The holidays are a very stressful time but it's important to remember you are not alone. Ask you doctor if he or she knows of any local support groups. Social media is also a great way to connect to others in similar situations.
Disease and disability can turn lives upside down. But whatever changes and challenges you face, you still have a spirit that needs to be nourished. This year, and in all the years to come, focus on the parts of the holiday season that bring you joy and feed your love of life and of others. That’s the true spirit of the holidays and it’s available to everyone.
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