Looking back on things, the view always improves.
Two years ago today, I finished chemo.
It’s one of those anniversaries you want so much to celebrate but also forget.
I’ll always remember the thoughts racing through my head as I feverishly rang the bell I brought from home to help mark the end of my treatment.
My body was weary from battling cancer for 9 months, but my spirit was ready to reach the finish line and celebrate my hard-won victory.
Reaching the end of treatment is a huge milestone.
Although I had reached remission months earlier—now I finally felt like I could take a breath and celebrate beating cancer.
As treatment went on, I silently wondered how much more I could take.
I worried how much worse the side effects would be as time went on.
Nausea. Pain. Fatigue.
“What if it gets worse?” kept echoing in my head.
I thought the feeling of uneasiness would end once I reached remission.
I hoped the dread would dissipate once treatment ended.
It didn’t.
The worry simply comes out in different ways now.
It’s the anticipation of watching my hair grow back.
It’s the anxiety that proceeds my doctor visits.
It’s the crippling dread that follows any unusual symptoms.
I’m cancer two-years post-treatment and while I’m now cancer-free—my mind is never free from worry about cancer.
Although I want to put the memory of my treatment in the past, this cancerversary is an important marker to celebrate because it’s a reminder of just how far I’ve come.
As much as I want to forget cancer was ever a part of my life, I believe helping other cancer fighters is one the best ways to honor this treatment milestone.
Looking back on these last two years in remission, here are my seven biggest lessons from cancer:
1. Think of your illness in terms of waves not war.
Battling chronic illness is often related to going to war. We are called fighters and warriors. However, while the war-torn feeling and adrenaline from constant fighting resonate with many—life isn’t always about fighting. It’s important to think of your illness in terms of waves not war. There will be ups and downs. Chaos and calm. Uncertain. Unpredictable. Uncomfortable times. But learning to navigate this new life builds resilience. After all, we all may face the same stormy seas in time, but we are not in the same boat.
2. Cancer treatment is constantly evolving.
Cancer treatment has come a long way. Now, new developments like immunotherapy are changing how cancer is treated. Take the time to research your options and available clinical trials. It’s important to remember cancer treatment affects everyone differently. Some people lose all their hair. Others may not. Some people experience many difficult side effects. Others deal with very few. Although I lost my hair and felt extremely weak at times, I was still able to work part-time and care for my three children.
3. Never be afraid to get a second opinion.
There is no one-size-fits all approach to health. There is not always one answer to every issue. What works for one person won’t necessarily work for everyone. It’s so important to be your own health advocate. Never be afraid to ask questions. Your diagnosis may not always be correct. You shouldn’t feel rushed to decide about treatment, even when your health challenge is severe. You’ll never regret getting a second opinion. At the very least, it may simply confirm your treatment choices and give you peace of mind.
4. Build a support network.
Being chronically ill or going through cancer treatment can be one of the loneliest experiences in the world. While you may feel alone at times, focus on building a strong support network around you — family, friends, partners, doctors, psychologist etc. Find doctors and other health professionals you can trust and consult with during treatment and beyond. A strong support network is critical because you will continuously have to communicate with them and lean on them during uncertain times.
5. Connect with other survivors.
Social media platforms like Facebook can be a great way to connect with other cancer fighters. One of the best things I did shortly after getting diagnosed was to join an online support group. There, I was able to ask other fighters questions that my doctor couldn’t necessarily answer like how to break the news to friends and family, why I should get a port for treatment and the best way to prepare for my first chemo. Simply type in your health challenge or cancer type in the search bar on Facebook, and you will find different support groups to join. Now, Facebook groups also include the ability to connect with others directly for one-on-one mentoring through the messenger app. Outside of social media, Imerman Angels and I Had Cancer are great ways to connect with others and find additional one-on-one support. Getting connected with other fighters and reading the stories of other survivors gave me the added hope that one day I will reach remission too.
6. Focus on what you can control.
In times of great stress and uncertainty, it’s easy to feel helpless and even hopeless. But it’s important to ask yourself, what’s most likely to affect you? What can you control, and what is impossible to control? Keep asking yourselves these questions. I’ve found the key to coping with anxiety and uncertainty is learning to focus on what you can control. Try to use your thoughts as an anchor. It’s important to be aware of all sides of a situation but only pay attention to the things you can directly control. Feeling overwhelmed? Start by organizing the space around you. Feeling stuck? Move your body. Feeling depressed? Get out in nature. You may not always be able to change your situation, but you can always focus on the things you can control.
7. Staying grateful and curious helps you find the silver lining.
It is normal to think there’s no hope. No better tomorrow. To want the pain to end. It’s understandable to worry if things will keep getting worse. But I’ve found gratitude and curiosity are the best cures for uncertainty. As difficult and challenging battling cancer was, there was always something to be grateful for, even on my worst days. A warm blanket, fuzzy socks, a text from a friend—taking the time to write down 5-10 things you are grateful each day is a great way to stay positive and shift your perspective. Staying mindful of the words you use to describe your situation is also important. When you become aware of the words and phrases you are using, it becomes easier to spot negative thoughts and rephrase them into more positive ones.
Two years later, my treatment is starting to feel like a lifetime ago.
While the worry and dread are still there—things are starting to change. Now, instead of wondering if things will keep getting worse, I’m asking myself if this is simply the start of things getting better.
Hopeful Warrior Project Update:
I’ve been busy putting the finishing touches on the warrior bags I will be delivering to newly diagnosed cancer patients at Northwestern later this month. Thank you to all those who sponsored a bag as part of my Hopeful Warrior Project. Because of your generosity, I was able to put together over 30 warrior bags. Learn more and see more pics here.
