Simple Ways to Support Someone During Their Cancer Fight

How do you support someone just diagnosed with cancer?

When someone you love gets diagnosed with cancer, you often wonder what you can do to help support them during such challenging times. The time between getting diagnosed to beginning treatment can range from a few weeks to a month or more. Knowing what to say or do to help support your loved one can be difficult, especially when their diagnosis and treatment plan is still unknown. As a recent cancer survivor, here are some simple and thoughtful ways to help and support someone during their cancer fight.

 1. Show Support on Treatment Days

Find out your friend or loved one’s treatment schedule and then work out a plan with other friends and family members to support them on their treatment days. Once treatment begins, it typically follows a predictable schedule. Chemotherapy is usually given in cycles over several months. A series of cycles is called a course of treatment. Understand how many treatments they will require per cycle for their course of treatment. For example, during my chemotherapy, one cycle equaled two treatments. I had two weeks off in between chemo sessions. In total, my course of treatment included three months of immunotherapy, followed by six cycles (or twelve treatments) of AVD chemotherapy. It’s important to note, people respond differently to chemo so they may need extra support for a few days following treatment. For instance, I often felt the worst on day four after a chemo infusion. Work out a plan with other friends and family to help support them during treatment and in between cycles. Can you help with childcare or rides to treatment? Friends and family can also show support at a distance by all wearing the same color shirt or socks on treatment days.  

2. Organize a Meal Train

Websites and apps like Meal Train,  TakeThemaMeal, or Give InKind make it easy to organize a meal train with friends and family members to support someone during their cancer fight. You can enter likes, dislikes, food allergies, make a wish list, fundraise, and list the best times to drop off meals. Shared virtual calendars help you coordinate meal deliveries, and you can also send gift cards to local restaurants or food delivery services like GrubHub, DoorDash or UberEats.

3. Offer House Cleaning Services 

A clean home is of the biggest ways to help support a friend or loved one during their cancer journey. You and other family and friends could take turns cleaning their house or helping with laundry during treatment. If you can’t physically help clean, consider buying a cleaning package or gift certificate from a local cleaning service in their area. Cleaning services like Molly Maid and Merry Maid offer gift certificates and have locations nationwide. Many cleaning services have recently partnered Cleaning For A Reason to provide discounted pricing and services for cancer patients in the United States and Canada.  

4. Help with Grass-Cutting/Yard Clean-Up

Offer to mow your friend or loved one’s grass or help tidy up their yard or garden. Helping out as much as once or twice a month can make a huge difference. If you’re unable to help physically, consider hiring a lawn care service to help them care for their home while they are in treatment. Paying for gutter-cleaning or one-time fall or spring-clean up services through sites like Groupon is another great way to help a friend or loved one with home maintenance during their cancer fight.

5. Decorate Their Home to Show Support

Consider surprising your loved one before they begin treatment or during treatment milestones by decorating their yard or the outside of their home with lights, signs, and balloons to show support. You can find a great assortment of yard signs and lights on Etsy and Amazon.

6. Organize a Drive-by Parade

Drive-by parades are a great way to show support and let your friend or loved one know they aren’t fighting cancer alone. Consider planning a parade to encourage them before their first treatment to celebrate reaching remission or their final treatment.

Supporting Cancer Fighters from a Distance:

 How can you help or support your friend or loved one through their treatment, especially when you’re not able to be with them?

1. Call and Text Regularly 

Knowing what you need when you’re fighting cancer can be difficult. Your feelings and needs often change as you go through treatment. Make sure to call or text your friend or loved one regularly to let them know you are thinking of them and wishing them well. Messaging them throughout their treatment can make a huge impact. Research shows prayer and a strong support system can greatly improve treatment outcomes.

2. Send a Card

Mail your friend or loved one a card or send a virtual greeting card to help brighten their day and lift their spirits. Knowing what to say or write to someone diagnosed with cancer can be difficult, but there are many great sites like Live Better With and Not Another Bunch of Flowers that have the perfect messages to uplift and inspire the fighter in your life. Soul Lite Cards will mail complimentary hand-made art or photo cards to your friend or loved one. You can contact Soul Light Cards through email, Instagram, or Facebook to receive a card or send one to a friend or family member.

3. Grocery Gift Cards & Meal Delivery Services 

One of the last things a cancer fighter should have to worry about is their meals or how they will pay for their family’s grocery bill. Consider sending a gift cards for a local grocery store or gifting a subscription to a grocery delivery service like Shipt, InstaCart, Thrive Market, or Fresh Direct.

4. Send a Care Package

While you can’t change your loved one’s diagnosis or treatment, you can do something to make that process a little more enjoyable, especially when they are facing chemotherapy. Chemo treatments can be long, tiring, and uncomfortable. By putting together a cancer care package, you can stand by your loved one going through treatment. Warm blankets and socks, lip balm, lotions, headwear, and personalized water bottles are wonderful items to include in a cancer care package. Organizations like Battle Cap Project, Warrior Bags, Tenaciously Teal, Lemons of Love, and Chemo Kits offer various care packages you can send a friend or loved one. Click here for a list of organizations currently providing free cancer care packages.   

5. Gift Streaming or Subscription Services

Chemotherapy sessions can typically last for hours. Some of my favorite things to do during treatment were to listen to audiobooks, read, or watch movies. Consider sending an Amazon Prime, Netflix, Disney+, or Audible membership. Audible members can also easily send others books or credits to enjoy free audiobooks, even if the recipient is not a current Audible user.  

Knowing what to say to a friend or loved one diagnosed with cancer can be difficult, but it’s important to remember they will need continual support beyond their initial diagnosis. At the beginning of an illness, there tends to be a flood of support, and then it begins to trickle. It’s important to remember that the help is not just needed when a person is in the hospital or active treatment. The effects of cancer can last well into remission and long after treatment has ended. 

Remember that there are no rules when it comes to supporting your friend or loved one through cancer. Although you may feel uncomfortable or even scared, make sure to treat your friend or loved one the same way you treated them before the diagnosis. No matter how you reach out, whether it’s in person by phone, email, or text, what you say and how you say it—it’s important to reassure your friend or loved one they aren’t in this fight alone. 

Cancer Support & Care Package Organizations Quick Links:

Here are some great charitable organizations to check out for cancer care packages and more.

Cleaning For A Reason

Live Better With

Not Another Bunch of Flowers

Battle Cap Project

Soul Lite Cards

Lemons of Love

Chemo Kits

Tenaciously Teal

Warrior Bags

Give InKind

Learn more about my efforts to help support other cancer fighters through the Hopeful Warrior Project.

Visit my Resources page for more information to help support you or a loved one during their cancer journey.

Looking Back: 7 Lessons I Learned Fighting Cancer

Looking back on things, the view always improves.

Two years ago today, I finished chemo.

 It’s one of those anniversaries you want so much to celebrate but also forget. 

 I’ll always remember the thoughts racing through my head as I feverishly rang the bell I brought from home to help mark the end of my treatment. 

My body was weary from battling cancer for 9 months, but my spirit was ready to reach the finish line and celebrate my hard-won victory. 

Reaching the end of treatment is a huge milestone. 

Although I had reached remission months earlier—now I finally felt like I could take a breath and celebrate beating cancer. 

As treatment went on, I silently wondered how much more I could take.

I worried how much worse the side effects would be as time went on.

Nausea. Pain. Fatigue. 

“What if it gets worse?” kept echoing in my head. 

I thought the feeling of uneasiness would end once I reached remission.

I hoped the dread would dissipate once treatment ended. 

It didn’t.

The worry simply comes out in different ways now.

It’s the anticipation of watching my hair grow back.

It’s the anxiety that proceeds my doctor visits.

It’s the crippling dread that follows any unusual symptoms. 

I’m cancer two-years post-treatment and while I’m now cancer-free—my mind is never free from worry about cancer. 

Although I want to put the memory of my treatment in the past, this cancerversary is an important marker to celebrate because it’s a reminder of just how far I’ve come. 

As much as I want to forget cancer was ever a part of my life, I believe helping other cancer fighters is one the best ways to honor this treatment milestone.

Looking back on these last two years in remission, here are my seven biggest lessons from cancer: 

1.     Think of your illness in terms of waves not war. 

Battling chronic illness is often related to going to war. We are called fighters and warriors. However, while the war-torn feeling and adrenaline from constant fighting resonate with many—life isn’t always about fighting. It’s important to think of your illness in terms of waves not war. There will be ups and downs. Chaos and calm. Uncertain. Unpredictable. Uncomfortable times. But learning to navigate this new life builds resilience. After all, we all may face the same stormy seas in time, but we are not in the same boat. 

2.     Cancer treatment is constantly evolving. 

Cancer treatment has come a long way. Now, new developments like immunotherapy are changing how cancer is treated. Take the time to research your options and available clinical trials. It’s important to remember cancer treatment affects everyone differently. Some people lose all their hair. Others may not. Some people experience many difficult side effects. Others deal with very few. Although I lost my hair and felt extremely weak at times, I was still able to work part-time and care for my three children.

3.     Never be afraid to get a second opinion. 

There is no one-size-fits all approach to health. There is not always one answer to every issue. What works for one person won’t necessarily work for everyone. It’s so important to be your own health advocate. Never be afraid to ask questions. Your diagnosis may not always be correct. You shouldn’t feel rushed to decide about treatment, even when your health challenge is severe. You’ll never regret getting a second opinion. At the very least, it may simply confirm your treatment choices and give you peace of mind.  

4.     Build a support network. 

Being chronically ill or going through cancer treatment can be one of the loneliest experiences in the world. While you may feel alone at times, focus on building a strong support network around you — family, friends, partners, doctors, psychologist etc. Find doctors and other health professionals you can trust and consult with during treatment and beyond. A strong support network is critical because you will continuously have to communicate with them and lean on them during uncertain times. 

5.     Connect with other survivors. 

Social media platforms like Facebook can be a great way to connect with other cancer fighters. One of the best things I did shortly after getting diagnosed was to join an online support group. There, I was able to ask other fighters questions that my doctor couldn’t necessarily answer like how to break the news to friends and family, why I should get a port for treatment and the best way to prepare for my first chemo. Simply type in your health challenge or cancer type in the search bar on Facebook, and you will find different support groups to join. Now, Facebook groups also include the ability to connect with others directly for one-on-one mentoring through the messenger app. Outside of social media, Imerman Angels and I Had Cancer are great ways to connect with others and find additional one-on-one support. Getting connected with other fighters and reading the stories of other survivors gave me the added hope that one day I will reach remission too. 

6.     Focus on what you can control. 

In times of great stress and uncertainty, it’s easy to feel helpless and even hopeless. But it’s important to ask yourself, what’s most likely to affect you? What can you control, and what is impossible to control? Keep asking yourselves these questions. I’ve found the key to coping with anxiety and uncertainty is learning to focus on what you can control. Try to use your thoughts as an anchor. It’s important to be aware of all sides of a situation but only pay attention to the things you can directly control. Feeling overwhelmed? Start by organizing the space around you. Feeling stuck? Move your body. Feeling depressed? Get out in nature. You may not always be able to change your situation, but you can always focus on the things you can control.  

7.     Staying grateful and curious helps you find the silver lining. 

It is normal to think there’s no hope. No better tomorrow. To want the pain to end. It’s understandable to worry if things will keep getting worse. But I’ve found gratitude and curiosity are the best cures for uncertainty. As difficult and challenging battling cancer was, there was always something to be grateful for, even on my worst days. A warm blanket, fuzzy socks, a text from a friend—taking the time to write down 5-10 things you are grateful each day is a great way to stay positive and shift your perspective. Staying mindful of the words you use to describe your situation is also important. When you become aware of the words and phrases you are using, it becomes easier to spot negative thoughts and rephrase them into more positive ones.  

 Two years later, my treatment is starting to feel like a lifetime ago. 

While the worry and dread are still there—things are starting to change. Now, instead of wondering if things will keep getting worse, I’m asking myself if this is simply the start of things getting better. 

Hopeful Warrior Project Update:

I’ve been busy putting the finishing touches on the warrior bags I will be delivering to newly diagnosed cancer patients at Northwestern later this month. Thank you to all those who sponsored a bag as part of my Hopeful Warrior Project. Because of your generosity, I was able to put together over 30 warrior bags. Learn more and see more pics here.

Related Posts:

Ringing the Bell: Celebrating Milestones During Treatment

10 Tips for the Newly Diagnosed

Immunotherapy Nearly Cleared My Stage 3 Cancer Before Chemo

Port Side & Leaving My Comfort Zone

My chest port has made treatment, hospital stays, and blood draws easier—but it is also a constant reminder of cancer.

My chest port has been a lifesaver in more ways than one.

It has made treatment, hospital stays, and blood draws easier—but it is also a constant reminder of cancer.

The bump just beneath my collar bone is often strategically covered by my shirt, swimsuit or dress so you can hardly notice it.

But I know it’s there, and so do my kids.

As much as my port has helped me, it still reminds my kids of cancer.

My port makes them cautious to hug me and reminds them of those scary times when mom was too ill to be with them.

I try to put on a brave face and show my kids that cancer—like any challenge—can be an opportunity for growth.

I made a point to not let having a chest port interrupt my ability to have fun or be active.

 Since getting my port, I’ve played volleyball, gone swimming in pools and lakes, and even went on a Slip-N-Slide.

But now that I’m nearing two years since my last treatment, it’s time to get my chest port removed.

It’s a big milestone and a big step forward in my remission.

Before I began treatment in 2017, other cancer fighters urged me to get a chest port to help make my chemotherapy infusions easier on my veins.

It was not an easy decision because it required surgery to place the port-a-catheter in my chest and requires another surgical procedure to remove.

I have a difficult time with medical procedures and tend to pass out giving blood, so I was extremely worried about how I would be able to tolerate the procedure and months of treatment.

I’ll never forget how just reading about the Power Port I was going to have implanted in my chest caused me to pass out.

My body felt so fragile.

I wondered how much more I could take.

I doubted my strength.

I was so scared.

But my chest port ended up being one of the best decisions I made.

I put a numbing cream on before my port gets accessed, so I hardly feel it.

I found my chest port so helpful during treatment that I still have it in over two years into remission.

While my port was once a sign of illness and cancer, it has slowly grown into a vivid reminder of my power to overcome any challenge.

It’s taken me most of my life to become comfortable in my skin.

It took getting cancer for me to realize my strength and see beauty where I once only saw scars.

Since having my three kids and battling cancer, my waistline and appearance have changed so much—at times, I hardly recognize the new me.

It has been a journey learning to love my curves and see my scars as beautiful.
Cancer has helped me see my body in a whole new light.
Pain has an uncanny way of pointing your attention to what truly matters.

Cancer pushed me out of my deeply rooted comfort zone and helped me learn to accept the unknown and be at peace with great uncertainty.

Watching my body rapidly change and become scattered with scars and losing my hair during treatment was the start of my self-acceptance and greater self-love.

After all, feeling beautiful has nothing to do with what you look like.

True beauty radiates from within.

My port may be a sign I had cancer, but in the end, it’s a reminder cancer never really had me.

Learn More

What Is an Implantable Port?

What is a Chemo Port and Why You Will Want One

Ponying Up: Coping with Hair Loss & Regrowth

“Be not afraid of going slowly, be afraid only of standing still.” - Chinese Proverb

It’s not just a ponytail.

From my roots to my wiry ends,

Each strand on my head has survived to tell quite a tale.

It took two full years to get to this point.

Through many cycles of death and regrowth.

Wispy and wild, to shaved mullet and the ‘mom bob’,

No choice but to make peace with my changing appearance.

The mirror, both friend and foe,

Reflecting just how much everything has changed.

Strands turned into clumps;

Clumps soon became handfuls.

Losing a little bit of myself with each broken strand.

“It’s just hair.”

I tried to reassure myself.

“It will grow back.”

Healthier, thicker, maybe even a different color?

“All this hair loss means the chemo is really working.”

I tried hard to find the silver lining.

Not having to pay to get my hair colored or highlighted.

Not having to spend hours dying, styling and fussing with it.

All the time and money I saved.

My hair is a crowning achievement of womanhood.

Losing my hair meant saying goodbye

To the version of ME

I had known my entire life.

Accepting the painful reality,

The cancer patient in the mirror is really me,

Head wraps, scarves and beanies,

Painting in my eyebrows, ensuring my wig’s always secure.

How I longed to be able to run my fingers through my hair without the fear of falling clumps.

How I missed being able to tie my hair back and let it down after a long day.

How I forgot the feeling of my ponytail swaying with my every move.

 No, it’s not just another ponytail.

Every inch is a marker of progress and a sign of resilience.

From the turmoil of what was; the new me is taking shape.

After unimaginable pain and destruction,

Change has taken root.

It’s not just another ponytail.

Each millimeter of hair growth,

A tangible symbol of healing and progress.

One step closer to long-term remission,

Transforming my treatment into a distant memory.

It’s not just a ponytail.

It’s more than just hair.

It’s a symbol of hope,

Reminding us that our comeback

Will always be greater than our setback.

Starting Chemotherapy

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I’ve been fighting cancer for several months, but in many ways, it feels like the battle has just begun. For the past three months, I’ve been treated with immunotherapy to help strengthen my immune system. In doing so, it has also helped my body eliminate more than 50% of the cancer in my lymphatic system before starting chemotherapy. Pretty amazing results.

Knowing that I’ve made significant progress in just three short months gives me tremendous hope that I will be in remission following these six cycles of chemotherapy. While the unknown is always scary, I am relying on my faith and my family and friends to see me through these difficult months of treatment.

In preparing for chemotherapy, I started thinking about all the miraculous things our bodies are capable of doing. From sports and dance to creating and fostering new life, our bodies are simply amazing. I also believe our bodies have an enormous potential to heal themselves, given the right conditions.

So often, we take our bodies and our health for granted. I know I did.  As I woman, I know I can be incredibly hard on myself.  Looking in the mirror these days, it would be easy to focus on the negative. These past few years of childbearing and now cancer has greatly altered my body, possibly forever. Where there once was smooth, subtle skin, there now are numerous scars, wrinkles and marks.

But I’ve come to realize we all have scars, both inside and out. We have moles and freckles from sun exposure, and we carry scars from broken bones and broken hearts. However our scars came to be, we should not feel ashamed, but empowered. As said in my previous post, “I see beauty as the grace point between what hurts and what heals, between the shadow of tragedy and the light of joy. I find beauty in my scars.”

Now, I am choosing to see beauty in my new imperfections. My scars are now permanent reminders that I was stronger than what tried to break me. Scars can also be powerful reminders of memories. For example, the incision from my emergency C-section is a precious reminder of the fragility and sanctity of life. I went from pushing out my daughter Vivian to waiting 11 nerve-wracking minutes to hear my son, Thomas, take his first breaths of life. That same scar is also a reminder of the incredible way my body was able to carry two healthy babies to term, each weighing over 5lbs. I am still in awe of what my body was able to do and heal from throughout my pregnancies.

Undoubtedly, I am going to endure more scarring throughout my treatment. I have come to accept that my body and mind will be forever changed. However, I believe I have the power to choose to see the positive in my situation, despite the uncertainty and discomfort that lies ahead. Therefore, I am focusing on becoming better, not bitter.

Just as my scars are powerful reminders, I know I can draw from those memories to strengthen my resolve.  I’m choosing to approach these next six months of treatment, similar to a pregnancy. Just like pregnancy, I know life will never be the same after my treatment. In many ways, I will leave treatment a different version of myself. Sure, activities will resume, and my hair will grow back. The scars will fade, but the memory of what we endured will remain. We will simply have to find our new way of life or “new normal,” and I’m okay with that.  

Just like a pregnancy, I’m focused on listening to my body and fueling it with the proper nutrition, exercise and rest it needs. I know my body has adapted and healed from extreme situations before.  I keep telling myself, “This is only temporary. You can do anything for 9 months.  Be patient and strong, this too will pass.”

I am trying to stay grounded in the present moment by focusing on the good. Right now, I am still able to work and spend lots of time with my children. Each day, I start my day by setting an intention rooted in gratitude. Every night, I tell myself I am healing as I reflect on the good in each day.  When things get difficult, I repeat my mantra, “I have the strength, faith, and support I need to heal from this cancer.”

When bad things happen to us, we don’t automatically feel happy and beautiful, but we also don’t need to be miserable just because life gets ugly sometimes. Joy and beauty can be found everywhere, in everything, in every one of us—no matter how we look, and no matter how we may hurt temporarily. We all may hurt, but we WILL heal. Ultimately our scars tell our unique story, showcase our strength, and can even highlight our confidence. It’s all a matter of our perspective.