A little over a year ago, I came face to face with my own mortality. Sure, I’ve looked fear in the eyes before and had seemingly cheated death a couple times. But this time? This was the first time I felt like my life was in serious danger. Cancer, chemotherapy and endless tests and procedures soon became my family’s reality when I was diagnosed with stage 3 Hodgkin Lymphoma in November 2017. For the first time in my life, my future became this unpredictable web of uncertainty. Sure the life I had envisioned for my family was still right there in front of me but it was somehow now out of grasp. I silently wondered how many more days I would have with those I love.
How do you pull yourself together, when everything is seemingly falling apart? It’s a question I often wrestle with. The truth is keeping your sh$t together when your world appears like one big dumpster fire is no easy task.
I’ve found it’s often a daily mind game full of terrifying what ifs and impossible choices. But through it all, I’ve come to learn the fact that you still have a choice really IS the true blessing.
Although at times your battle becomes painfully real again the moment you open your eyes, the fact that your eyes are open and there is air in your lungs is a miracle. Celebrate it. The fact you can move your body and feel the embrace of others is a gift. Appreciate it. If you can still hear a beautiful melody or a loved one’s voice. Treasure it. No matter what your day looks like or how depleted and drained your body feels...YOU are still HERE.
Nearly losing my life has taught me the beauty each day holds when we stop to savor the little things. Like the crunch of the winter snow under my boots and the way the snow seems to glisten in the moonlight. Or how my daughter’s eye lashes form the perfect half moon shape. And how my children’s laughter can lighten the darkest mood.
Each morning that I get to rise offers another chance to get it right and each night provides a moment to pause and be grateful I had another opportunity to become a better version of myself. Surviving cancer has taught me the importance of living for today…living for more time with those I love. Treasuring the good, bad and ugly today brings because our tomorrows, no matter how bright… are never guaranteed.
All we ever have is NOW.
Are you living or merely surviving?
“If you are depressed, you are living in the past, if you are anxious, you are living in the future, if you are at peace, you are living in the present.” Lao Tzu