To My Beautiful Children:

Mommy is sick.

Sometimes you can tell I’m sick. Other times, it’s harder to tell because I don’t always look sick.

What you can’t always see is the battle I am fighting every day.

I know you are probably wondering what happened to the “old mommy”? The mommy that wasn’t too tired to play or take you to the park.

I can’t promise that mommy will be back soon or even when she’ll return.

I know you have a lot of questions on your mind and I wish I could give you better answers. I know you like to think, “Mommy knows it all” but the truth is, in this case, I don’t.

I’m sorry for all the times I couldn’t hold you or play and for all the playdates I’ve had to cancel our couldn’t arrange due to my illness. I'm sorry for the days I missed out on watching you grow because I was just too tired to get out bed.

I’m sorry for the fear I see in your eyes, every time I leave for the doctor or when I need to go the hospital.

I may not have all the answers but I hope and pray that through my weakness, you will learn strength and through my fears that you will learn how to be brave. In a way, I hope I have shown you how to keep pushing forward when everything in life seems to be knocking you down.

And, while I am the adult and parent, I’ve come to realize I need you at times more than you need me. You keep me strong and help me push through on the days when I seem to have nothing left. You fill my life with more love, laughter and chaos than I ever thought possible. You are the sunshine in my darkest days and my reason for being.

Although I can’t promise when the “old mommy” will return, I can promise that THIS mommy will NEVER stop trying.