Apples, Onions & Coping with Uncertainty

Photo credit: @ericmogie

“Life is like an onion. You peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep.” - Carl Sandburg

Some problems are like apples, while others are more like onions.

Sometimes when you try to reach the core, all you find are more layers.

Cancer taught me not every problem has a core issue that can be clearly resolved.

Some issues are more like onions— seeping into our everyday life and changing the essence of everything they touch.

Have you ever tried to peel an onion completely to its core?

Once you start peeling layer by layer, you will find that the center of the onion is simply another layer waiting to unfold.

In many ways, 2020 has been like one giant onion.

Layer

upon layer of

Unprecedented.

Undeniable.

Unavoidable.

Uncertainty.

This year has been full of moments where I wanted to crawl out my skin from the itchy, uncomfortable feeling of constant overwhelm.

I’ve felt a mixture of anger, confusion, fear and downright insanity as the boundaries between working, schooling, parenting and society continue to blur and bend.

On top of chronic health challenges, I’ve been juggling work and homeschooling, plus my family was recently displaced out of our home for nearly four months due to extreme water damage. 

It’s so easy to get lost in this idea that we are only feeling one thing when, in reality, many layers are happening at once.

Life can’t always be boiled down to this or that.

Sometimes it’s this AND that.

You can be both.

Grateful AND grieving.

Exhilarated AND exhausted.

Determined AND disappointed.

Hopeful AND heartbroken.

As we peel back and work through each layer of ambiguity and move towards understanding what this “new normal” means heading into 2021, we may be met with tears and untold resistance.

Yet each layer serves a purpose and strengthens the whole.

Onions remind us of the importance of staying firmly rooted when those around us try to cut us apart. They are proof that even the tiniest pieces can make a huge difference.

Maybe apples and onions are God’s way of reminding us you can’t have bitter without a little sweet, and some things can’t be truly understood until they pass through all of our senses.

Ultimately, it seems the only way to truly know the difference between an apple or an onion is to taste it for yourself.

Learning to Let Go and Go with the Flow

“Nothing is softer or more flexible than water, yet nothing can resist it.” - Lao Tzu

The only difference between a few drops of water and a flood is persistence.

So far, 2020 has flooded our minds and our hearts with great uncertainty.

Unpredictability is now the only guarantee moving forward.

No one knows what will happen next.

The hits are relentless.

They seem to keep coming from every angle.

“What else?” and “What next?” are my daily mantras.

I am growing tired of juggling so many responsibilities.

Global shutdowns. Trying to balance working from home and eLearning. Planet-threatening asteroids. Murder hornets. Top it all off with a possible brain tumor to start the summer and this year has left us wondering how much more we can take.

Now, on top of the global pandemic, my family of five (plus our dog) is dealing with severe water damage to our home.

Our kitchen had to be nearly gutted for the repairs.

The water damage to our home was so extensive that we had to temporarily move into a hotel this week while the restoration process happens.

Unfortunately, this living situation may last for the remainder of the summer because it could take over a month for the repairs.

This news was another punch to the gut in an already difficult year.

But as painful and uncomfortable as this is, we’re trying hard to focus on the silver lining.

We are incredibly thankful our insurance will be able to cover most of the cost of the repairs.

Kitchen before

The water caused extensive damage to our subfloor so most of the cabinets and flooring near the sink had to be removed.

We had to remove our range, sink and dishwasher to complete the dry out and repairs.

We are doing our best to turn this gigantic nightmare into one great family adventure.

Since this news came the week leading up to our planned family getaway in Michigan, we are choosing to view this all as an extended vacation.

One of the biggest positives of this whole ordeal is that we were able to get long-term accommodations at a nearby hotel with a great indoor pool, just 15 minutes from our house.

Because if this year has taught us anything, it’s the need to be flexible above all else.

When things start to get overwhelming, I remind myself to try to be like water.

Water is powerful and persistent.

One of the most sacred aspects of all creation, nothing can resist the steady flow of water.

It flows, flushes and floods, going wherever it wants.

Water cannot be held—only contained.

Formless and shapeless, it conforms to any container you put it in.

Water does not resist—it simply flows through any obstacle.

Water reminds us that once we stop resisting the currents of change, we begin to float.

As challenging as this situation is for my family, we are focusing on making the most of our time together.

We keep counting our blessings and reminding ourselves it could always be worse.

Letting go of the need to control the outcome is never easy, especially in times of high stress.

But I’ve learned stepping into the flow of life starts when we can focus on the good that surrounds us.

When we surrender to what is instead of trying to control what will be, we begin to rise above our current challenges.

 No matter the size of the obstacles in our path, faith, like the mighty force of water, will carry us through this great river of uncertainty.

After all, even during dark times, there is always a bright side, if you know where to look.