When you’re going through a difficult time you may have been told in some capacity that “everything happens for a reason.” While some may find this comforting, the truth is, many people cannot accept that their pain, their loss or their tragedy happened for a reason.
And that’s okay.
I tend to look at things differently. Actually, I often look at things a million different ways, analyzing and scrutinizing every detail until I eventually come to some sort of conclusion. While this can be exhausting, my over-analytical mind finds solace in examining every detail in hopes it catches something— some clue as to why something happened.
But as much as we need to look within ourselves for the will and resolve to push forward when life knocks us down, we also need to sometimes turn outside ourselves to often find the reason WHY. I’ve learned that when terrible things happen for no explicable reason, turning to our faith can give us the strength to power through the adversity and pain—it can also lead us to some profound realizations.
As my previous post on this subject detailed, my husband and I routinely see repeating number patterns among other signs from heaven. It’s been a running joke and a bright spot in a rather dark few years. It seems that just when we are desperately in need of answers, heaven answers the call.
As I detailed in my latest treatment update, I’ve been dealing with some troubling symptoms since the end of October. I’ve been growing more and more fatigued, with pain radiating down both arms, low appetite and a concerning pain on my left side near my rib cage. I had many of these same symptoms before I was diagnosed and I was very alarmed I was possibly relapsing or had some serious complications to my spleen from treatment.
I went back and forth to Northwestern and my oncologist several times this past week for labs and testing. Thankfully all my bloodwork looked good for the most part—just my iron level was very low. The ultrasound of my spleen came back normal but the pain on the left side of my stomach kept growing stronger and more acute.
By Thursday evening I was now unable to eat, feeling breathless and very concerned something could seriously be wrong, despite my oncologist’s opinion that everything was fine because the ultrasound of my spleen was normal. I just knew something was wrong because I’ve never felt pain like this before in my life.
The pain was very alarming and despite having a normal ultrasound, my gut told me I needed to push for more extensive testing, specifically a CT with contrast and an MRI to determine what was going on with me because I knew something just wasn’t right.
Flooded with heavy emotions with the realization that something could be deadly wrong, I prayed as hard as I could to God, as well as my other spirit allies Archangel Michael and my loved ones in heaven (many of whom were medical professionals during their time here on Earth).
Through tears, I asked for their intercession and help in saying the right things medically so that I could be properly diagnosed. I feared I was nearing death after just cheating it. I prayed for my children and my family that we would find answers before it was too late.
Later that Friday afternoon, I received word that the soonest my oncologist would be able to see me was Monday. My symptoms were growing more and more acute. It was now harder to breathe and I was unable to eat solid foods.
I desperately made a call to my primary doctor and pleaded with the nurse who answered to get me in last minute. Thankfully they were able to. I could finally start to relax.
I hung up the phone and looked at the clock next to my bed. It read 2:22pm.
The first sign.
Note: “Angel number 222 tells you that everything will turn out for the best in the long-term. Do not put your energies into negativity – be aware that all is being working out by spirit for the highest good of all involved…Angel Number 222 is a message of faith and trust from your angels. Remember that nothing happens by chance and everything happens for a reason. Maintain a positive attitude and you will find that everything will have positive results and you will receive abundant blessings in Divine right timing.”
After seeing me Friday afternoon, my primary doctor agreed my symptoms were troubling and could possibly indicate I had an issue with my spleen/ pancreas or blood clot in my lungs. We immediately went to the ER Friday evening. The ER did an emergency CT scan which thankfully determined I’m still in remission and do not have a blood clot or anything life-threatening that would require emergency surgery.
Relieved with the news from my CT scan I started to text my parents, when a shiny plaque in my ER room caught my eye. The sign read the names of whom the room was sponsored by. From my position, I could only make out the name MICHAEL.
The second sign.
Note: This is a picture I took from my ER bed after receiving the news my broad CT scan was clear and I was definitely still in remission. The name Michael has a lot of significance to me as I often pray to Archangel Michael as well as my cousin Michael who is in heaven.
This is a picture of my cousin Dr. Michael Malis. He was an incredible radiologist and I just felt him there with me holding my hand through all this uncertainty—especially during the excruciating wait for test results. I truly believe this was a sign that my prayers were answered.
I was admitted to the hospital on 11/17 for ongoing monitoring due to the pain and irregular heart rate. My MRI on 11/18/18 later showed I have two herniated discs in my spine. One is in my upper back behind my rib cage and are compressing on a nerve that’s why I’ve been feeling breathless and having trouble eating because that nerve also impacts my stomach.
During my stay I also had significant fluctuations in my heart rate so the doctors are now thinking I may potentially have an autonomic disorder called POTS—postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome. I have several follow up appointments to confirm. This is a rather new disorder that they unfortunately are still learning how best to treat but a diagnosis of dysautonomia and POTS is somewhat comforting because it confirms a lot of symptoms I’ve been experiencing my entire life.
My diagnosis of POTS could also help my oldest daughter with her own health struggles as she was recently diagnosed with epilepsy. Her anti-seizure medication appears to be making her worse and my gut told me this could be a possible reason why. POTS and dysautonomia have a genetic component. This would explain why the ER doctors who saw my daughter exactly a month early during her ER stay (10/18/18) thought she may have a form of fainting/ syncope and not epilepsy. But given her abnormal EEG she was put on anti-seizure medication as a precaution.
The third sign.
Note the coincidence: Both my daughter and I were admitted to the ER and diagnosed with a potentially life-altering diagnosis-exactly a month apart. My daughter went to the ER and was diagnosed on 10/18/18. I received my diagnosis 11/18/18. Notice the synchronicity of the repeating numbers in the date too.
On Sunday 11/18, I was beyond relieved when my MRI showed a definite cause of my pain. I texted my dad with the great news. After we all took a huge sigh of relief with the news, he sent me the following text. The following exchange still gives me chills. If this isn’t a “Hello” from heaven, I don’t know what is.
Note: This is a picture of my Grandpa John who was a medic during WWII. Although I was never blessed enough to meet him in this life, I’ve prayed to him many times for help during my journey. I believe this is his way of saying he’s listening and is always with us—no matter how much time as passed. The fact that we finally received some reassuring answers on what would have been his 97th birthday is a wonderful synchronicity.
The fourth sign.
On Monday 11/19, my dad was able to take me back to Northwestern for a follow-up appointment with my oncologist. We were hoping for answers and for her guidance on next steps now that we finally have some idea as to what could be the source of my ongoing pain and discomfort.
As we circled the parking garage looking for a spot, I did what I always do when I get desperate for parking in Chicago… I pray to the angels for help! Almost instantly, my dad decides it was better to play the odds and we start to exit in the hopes we would find a better spot in the lower levels. I smiled as we circled the corner and I saw we were rounding level number 5.
I yelled “Come on lucky number 5!” (5 has always been my lucky number because I was born 12/5/85.) I kid you not, it seemed as soon as I uttered those words taillights appeared in a spot conveniently located near the elevator (making it a whole lot easier on me). We then had to smile in disbelief when we checked the time as we got out.
It was 1:11 pm.
As we approached the elevators I laughed and smiled again in disbelief. At quick glance the numbers on the three elevators ahead read 444 and stated we were now over St. Clair Street.
The fifth sign.
Note: I believe repeating number patterns and names are forms of synchronicities that are signs from heaven and often clues to deeper meaning. It is often said the numbers 444 resonate with the vibrations of the Archangels.
“Angel Number 444 asks that you pay attention to your intuition and inner-wisdom as your connection with your angels and the angelic realm is very strong at this time. You are encouraged to continue on your current path as your drive and determination will lead to success and fulfillment.
Angel Number 444 is a message that the angels and Archangels are with you, encouraging and guiding you. They are offering you positive energies, inner-strength and support to enable you to get the work done that you need to. They know and understand that you have been toiling diligently towards your goals, and encourage you to continue on your current path to achieve the success and results you desire. Use your strong connection with the angelic realm to your benefit and be open to their promptings and messages. Listen to your intuition and follow its guidance.”
My Clair Family Angels
“Clair” exactly how it is spelled in the sign over the elevator , was my mother’s maiden name and I’ve been praying a lot to my Grandma and Grandpa Clair as well as my uncle, Dr. Daniel Clair (pictured here) for help during this difficult time. I named my youngest daughter Vivian “Clair” as a way to keep the memory of the Clair family alive. I believe this was another powerful sign from my loved ones in heaven assuring me they are indeed always with me, no matter how much time or space separates us.
While at times it can be hard to accept that everything happens for a reason, I believe if we focus our intentions on where we look, we can see heaven is often sending us signs of reassurance we are never alone in our struggles.
Throughout my journey I’ve been through an incredible amount of pain and uncertainty. But if by sharing my story, I can help just one person have a better sense of peace that they too can make it through their difficult season—it will have all been worth it. If I can help just one person get diagnosed, I may save a life—and it will all have been worth it.
I believe everything truly does happen for a reason. No matter how far our struggle may seem to drag us off course, with faith we can find solace and eventually meaning.
Like tonight, when I prayed and gave thanks for the recent turn of events and asked for guidance on what to write about next. As I went to pick up my phone next to my alarm clock, I had my answer. It was 11:11 pm.
Note: This REALLY happened. I legit haven’t adjusted the time on my bedside clock. It runs a few minutes fast and I haven’t changed it because for some reason, I see the most significant repeating numbers on this clock. As I wondered why, my eyes were drawn upwards to the crucifix I had hung over that spot near my bed a year ago when this journey started. I again had my answer from heaven. This time it was just a little clearer so hopefully you could see it too.
Read Faith, God and Synchronicity Part 1
Read my latest blog on this topic: Synchronicity of Healing: Drawing Straight with Crooked Lines
Sources:
See the meanings of Angel numbers 111, 222, 444.