Turning Your Pain into Purpose

“Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain.” — Joseph Campbell

Some of the most precious things in life are born from struggle. 

Seeds and roots pushing through the Earth’s crust.

Blossoms bursting open.

Caterpillars becoming butterflies.

Chickens hatching.

Babies being born.

The world around us is teeming with incredible miracles every day. 

Nature constantly reminds us that sometimes it takes a breakdown to have a major breakthrough.

Pain has a powerful way of teaching us what’s most important and where our true purpose lies.

While there is tremendous pain, suffering and uncertainty all around us, there also is an opportunity for change. Because when things go wrong, there is also a greater opportunity to turn things around for the better. Our difficult seasons can also be a chance for us to change directions and let go of what no longer serves us. 

Cancer taught me that we can’t always prevent a troubling event from happening, but we can always control how we respond. 

While I would never have chosen the most painful parts of my journey, I am grateful for all my pain has taught me about myself. 

Coming to this point wasn’t an easy journey. We rarely view painful events in this way. We do our best to avoid pain and uncertainty at all costs by staying firmly planted in our comfort zones.

I certainly did.

It usually takes a life-changing event or diagnosis like cancer to shake up our status quo and send us searching for deeper meaning in our lives. 

Pain and traumatic events like cancer have the power to change the trajectory of our lives.

Trauma transforms us into different versions of ourselves. Whether those changes are for better or worse is largely up to the choices we make, our perception and overall mindset.

Consider this, are you the same person that experienced that painful event in your past? 

No, the person that first experienced that traumatic event no longer exists. You have been changed, even on a cellular level. 

It’s so easy to get caught up in what happened and what could have been. But when we focus on the what ifs, we overlook the wonderful possibilities that exist before us right now.

In this way, when we rethink the painful events of our past, some of the most awful things that happen in our lives can go from being obstacles and stumbling blocks to opportunities that propel us forward on our path to reaching our purpose. 

How do you move forward when the memory is too painful to leave behind?

Some wounds are just too painful to move past and too difficult to forgive.

Sometimes the memory of what was can actually be more painful than the event itself. 

Sometimes, no amount of medication, therapy, prayers or meditation can heal the deep wound. However, I’ve found that healing from a traumatic event happens on multiple levels. While some wounds can’t be healed completely, they can be transformed into something better over time. 

Some wounds are sent to break us open to remind us of our true strength. 

Our wounds bring pain but they also bring a deeper wisdom that only comes by overcoming what originally hurt us.

These wounds are meant to break us wide open so that we can use our story of survival to light the way and guide others through their inner darkness.

Turning our past pains into stepping stones to realizing our purpose requires the courage to embrace what happened to you and use it as fuel to change the world.

Sharing our story of survival helps transform us from victims of circumstance into the victors of our own story.

Being brave enough to step out of your comfort zone and share your story lets others know there is a path forward out of the darkness. Because once we are able to heal our untouchable wounds, we can help others heal too.

Trauma and painful events from our past don’t have to continue to define our future. 

Just because something happened; doesn’t mean it will always be that way.

In my short time on this earth, I have survived numerous health crises, unspeakable losses and heartache including the sudden death and suicides of loved ones and my own personal journey with cancer. However, as difficult as those times were, I know they served a greater purpose, helping to shape me into a more compassionate and empathetic person.

Cancer at first seemed like an incredible curse, yet it has brought more connection and meaning to my life than I ever knew was possible.

Everything changes once you can look back on the most difficult period in your life and feel gratitude instead of bitterness because you finally understand it was all part of a bigger plan. We eventually start to realize as difficult as that time was, it was really a catalyst pushing us further along towards realizing our life’s purpose. When we are able to turn our pain into purpose, we start to melt away anger and resentment and replace it with joy and a renewed love of life. 

5 Ways to Turn Your Pain into Purpose During Difficult Times 

Look for the Silver Lining in the Situation

Try asking yourself the following questions: Is it possible you’ve been looking at that painful memory the wrong way? What if the worst thing you ever went through was a blessing that you weren’t meant to understand until much later? If it’s a painful memory you can’t forget, find a way to help others going through the same thing, and it will help you heal, too.

Get Your Feelings Out on Paper 

Take some time to reflect on the painful event. In a notebook or journal, write down as many memories as you can recall from that time. Write whatever comes to mind. Don’t worry about the order. Later you can go back and arrange the events chronologically. Also, don’t worry about writing in full sentences or whether or not your grammar is correct. Let the contents of your mind and heart fill the pages without judgment or fear. Getting your thoughts on paper helps you make sense of how you are feeling. Once you are able to reflect on what you wrote down, you may start to notice some repeating themes or patterns. Learning how to observe how you are feeling about a particular event without judgement, guilt or shame is one of the first steps towards healing.

Shift from Anger to Forgiveness

To forgive someone doesn’t mean that you’re letting this person off the hook or saying that what they did to you is okay. To forgive someone means letting go of the anger inside of YOU. It helps to think of your heart like a closet that can only hold so much. If your closet is filled with bitterness, there won’t be any room for good things like love and healthy relationships. When you forgive, you empty the closet of negativity and make more room for the love of others to fill that space.

Gain Perspective

Bad things happen to good people all the time. You can allow it to consume you or you can use the painful experience to fuel your life purpose. If you were bullied or assaulted as a child, if you lost a parent at a young age, if you felt invisible as a teen, if you’ve battled an addiction or chronic illness—all the suffering you’ve endured and survived could save the life of someone else who’s alone and scared right now, facing what you once did. The more you reach out with your wisdom, experience, and courage, the more you will heal, and instead of resenting what happened to you, you’ll finally be able to make peace with it.

One way to gain perspective is by practicing daily gratitude, especially during difficult times. As hard as it can be try to make a habit of listing at least five things you are grateful for each day. Try to be as specific as possible and it is best if you actually write down the list in a journal each day. Starting your day with gratitude is a simply yet very effective way to quickly shift your overall mindset.

Give and Get Support 

There may be someone already in your life who’s losing hope praying for help, going through what you did. You might be able to help in ways you could never have imagined. That person who needs your experience to help get through something that’s tearing them apart could be right there in front of you, and you just never noticed. You may be the answer to someone else’s prayer. 

Connecting with others in your local community, church or virtually through online support groups, can help you transform your pain into purpose by getting you to focus outside yourself.

Turning pain into purpose is one of the most powerful healing practices you can commit to in your life. Sometimes all it takes to save someone from hopelessness is another person who’s been there and survived.

More Resources 

During the most challenging times in my life what has helped the most is the guidance and support of others that are on similar journeys.

My battle with cancer taught me that reaching remission is only the first part of the journey. Being a part of their Hope Warrior Academy and private Facebook group this year really helped me build a more resilient and empowered mindset so that I can face whatever comes next. I highly recommend checking out their academy and the free resources they have on their website.

Website: https://hopewarriorproject.com/

The Meaning of Hope

Hope is one of my favorite four-letter words.

I believe these four letters hold tremendous power.

Hope, to me, means that ANYTHING is possible.

Hope is a foundational belief.

Hope constantly aspires for more.

Hope believes any situation can change for the better.

Many times in my life, hope has been my both an anchor and a life raft.

Hope anchors my faith and gives me wings to rise above adversity.

Hope may not always be the best strategy.

But sometimes, it can be our only lifeline.

In times of despair, it is hope whispering tomorrow will be better,  

that helps us drag ourselves out of bed.

Hope is having faith in something more than yourself. 

Hope is believing that there is more to life that what you are going through. 

Hope is realizing that maybe these things aren’t happening to you; but perhaps, they are happening for you. 

It doesn’t matter if your hope is big or small.

All that matters is that you find that thread of silver lining in your situation and grab hold of it.

Eventually, that thread of hope will begin to multiply.

Through the lens of hope, you will begin to view your situation in a new light.

Those struggles. 

This difficult season. 

Maybe this fire wasn’t sent to destroy you. It was meant to forge you into a stronger, more resilient version of yourself.

But you have to be brave enough to hold on to the hope that life will be beautiful again. 

Because it will be.

Synchronicity of Healing: Drawing Straight with Crooked Lines

Celebrating my remission on September 19, 2019. We later realized I was leaping in the air at exactly 1:11 pm local Chicago time when this photo was taken. Repeating numbers like 111 are often a sign of synchronicity, alluding to the deeper, spiritual meaning of your current events.

“The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps. ”

— (Proverbs 16:9 ESV)

So many times, we find ourselves trying to make sense of the senseless.

Whether something was beyond our control or happened because of our own making—all of us have experienced those unexpected twists and difficult turn of events in our lives.

We find ourselves constantly reflecting on why something happened or worked out the way it did. 

We wonder how can we possibly carry on as we search for ways to collect the broken pieces of ourselves and put them back together?

How do we make something meaningful, something beautiful, out of so many crooked lines?

Maybe what once was a clear path forward, is now muddled with fear and confusion. Whether it was illness, loss or circumstance, a detour shoved us off the straight path and onto a crooked line.

These are the moments in our lives that bring us to our knees and force us to examine everything around us and the stories we tell ourselves.

My moment came when I was diagnosed with Stage 3 cancer.

While it’s true our world can change in an instant, we often get so caught up in events that we forget we have the power to rewrite the story we tell ourselves. 

We forget that our world can be an entirely different place than the world we lived in just a few moments ago, once our attitude toward it changes.

I didn’t realize it until recently, but the world I have been creating for myself through my thoughts and actions was full of fear, scarcity and survival. Unknowingly, I was living in this mental prison for most of my life until illness and cancer forced me to reexamine my reality. 

I have repeatedly told myself I was broken, unfixable, and at times even unlovable.

I lived in fear when I was told some of my afflictions were “permanent” and incurable.

I believed part of me was dysfunctional and would remain that way for the rest of my life.

However, I once discovered these stories I was taking as absolute truths weren’t MY truth—things started to change. I began to realize how these attitudes and beliefs grew from the seeds of the stories that were planted by society, my caregivers, teachers, coaches and the many connections I have made throughout my life.

Throughout my journey with cancer, I have found the more I try to unpack my personal narrative, the more I am able to understand the parts of my life that need to change so I can heal.

I soon started to discover how our thoughts and the words we use, and the relationship we have with those words have the potential to directly affect our experiences. It’s as if our thoughts go out into the universe and take root as either seeds or weeds. They sprout in straight or crooked lines depending on our choices and intentions— both positive and negative.

From this quantum perspective, we often overlook the incredible fact that it is the sum of our connections that brought us to this very moment. 

We forget that we are connected by our bodies, our DNA, the stories we tell ourselves, and the life experiences that have brought us to this point. And I’ve found the more we understand all these connections, the more we can start to shape them to serve our best interests and highest good.

One of the ways I am constantly reminded of this universal connection is through synchronicities.

The term synchronicity was first coined by the psychologist Carl Jung to describe a meaningful coincidence which seems to defy probability and “normal” explanations.

Jung believed synchronicities illuminate the mysterious connection between our personal psyches and the material world, based on the fact that everything exists as different forms of energy. Viewed in this way, synchronicity allows us to see the world with different eyes—one based on awe, curiosity and profound meaning.

When we learn to view things in this way, the world can speak to us in a completely new way. The rational, scientific facade of the world, although still present, comes alive with the vibrancy and presence of spirituality and divine connection. We can discover meaning in life and find those ‘golden threads’ that seem to weave through our lives revealing truths about ourselves and our individual journeys.

“Life is a symphony of synchronicities waking us up to the reality of who we really are.” Noah Lampert, Synchronicity Podcast

Maybe you’re reading this now because you recently had one of those life-changing moments or synchronicities yourself. A when something happens that makes you question the role of design in the universe and your own place within it.

Examples of synchronicities would be overhearing a random conversation between strangers that appears to answer your own inner questions; or how events seem to unfold in the perfect manner to lead to you to the right information at the right time from the right people that are necessary to progress on your healing journey.

Synchronicities can bring the perfect people to lead you to success, or bring you to situations where everything seems to falls into place to improve your life.

I believe synchronicities are divine guideposts urging us to continue on our current path by helping to remind us that everything is connected.

Our intuition seems to have a direct connection to God and the divine knowledge that steers the grand plan of the Universe. Through our intuition, we can be guided to stay on this divine path—one that is filled with incredible synchronicities along the way.

Since 2012, I have been experiencing numerous number synchronicities daily. Unknowingly catching the time 11:11, 1:11, 2:22, 4:44, 11:44, and seeing different repeating number patterns and meaningful names show up in the most unexpected places. Throughout my journey with cancer, these synchronicities only seemed to intensify as highlighted in my two-part series Faith, God and Synchronicity. 

Over this past year in remission, I have continued to experience multiple synchronicities on my journey to healing.

Such as being fortunate to be diagnosed exactly when I was so that I could participate in cutting-edge cancer treatment that is showing unprecedented results. I was floored to find out this past year that if I was diagnosed sooner or months later, I may have missed my spot since my clinical trial was only open to 40 patients.

Or how after weeks of anticipation leading up to my latest scan, it seemed I had butterflies following me everywhere I went. Especially meaningful to me was the butterfly I saw while waiting in traffic on the way to the hospital for one of my recent scans at Northwestern’s Lurie Cancer Center.

Captured this butterfly floating through traffic on my way for my latest scan at Northwestern in Chicago.

Connecting with Coincidence  

Later as we were coming home from my scan, my husband and I noticed a lady bug had been stuck to our windshield for nearly the entire trip. These two instances struck me as a key coincidences because a butterfly is known to symbolize transformation and a ladybug is believed to be an embodiment of good luck. I took these random events and their timing as positive signs that my scan would be clear and I was still well on my path to healing and complete remission.

On September 18th, I received confirmation that my latest scan was clear and I’m still in remission. However, one of the most profoundly meaningful events of my entire cancer journey occurred two days later on September 20th, 2019.

One of the stories I had been telling myself was my body is broken and it may never be the same.

I believed that my days of playing competitive sports were over. I thought I was not strong of fit enough to play at a competitive level anymore. In my youth, I played junior Olympic volleyball for over 5 years, and was fortunate to play volleyball my freshman year in college at Dominican University in River Forest, Illinois. However, a severe ankle injury ended my collegiate volleyball career my sophomore year, and in a way, reinforced the belief that my sports days were pretty much over for good. After that year, I transferred universities and never played collegiate volleyball again.

Fast forward to present day, where I am now a mother of three and a stage 3 cancer survivor with a chest port from treatment still in place.

I still felt that story to be true, but deep down I hoped and prayed for a different outcome.

One of the ways I longed to celebrate overcoming my cancer and this year of recovery, was to spike a volleyball in remission. What seemed like a lofty goal ended up happening thanks to a little divine timing and perseverance.

For the second time this year I was invited to play at an alumni game at Dominican University. The date was close to the date of my scan so I was not intending to play. However, after I received the news my scan was clear the next day the current coach from Domincan’s Woman’s Volleyball team reached out to me again to confirm if I could play. I took this divine timing as a synchronicity that this a step I needed to take on my path to healing.

As I walked into my college gymnasium, I did my best to smile so that I could hold back my tears. Only 8 months prior, my children watched as I had to be taken by ambulance from my home because I was so ill. But on this night, my husband and three children were able to see me healthy and active, fully reclaiming my health and vitality.  

Here is a video of me from that night during warm-ups where I was able to turn my vision of remission into reality and a treasured memory for my family: I got to spike out cancer for good and knock a huge item off my bucket list in remission:

To further confirm this synchronicity, three days after I played in the alumni game, Facebook reminded me 8 years ago that very day I had received my college degree from DePaul University, ending that chapter of my life.

Sometimes we have to look back to realize just how far we’ve come. To view my journey in pictures visit my gallery.

I had to smile in awe with the realization everything had come full circle.

I was finally ready to finally release those limiting beliefs about myself I had been holding onto for so long. Thanks to hard work, determination and some divine timing, I was finally able to change the ending of that story and start to heal.   

 Healing comes in many forms. However, I believe one of the first steps to healing is to develop the self-awareness to understand the stories you tell yourself and the meaning behind your experiences, both positive and negative.

From the divine timing of my diagnosis to the medical professionals placed in my path who have helped me achieve remission, I believe God is always speaking to us, sending us little messages, causing coincidences and serendipities, reminding us to stop, look around and to believe in something else, something more.

We do not always see God’s will and the divine plan when we are walking through it.

At times the paths we are walking become so crooked and tangled, we lose our faith and sight of the bigger picture. We forget that often it is our setbacks that are preludes to God’s deeper work. While our difficult circumstances can cloud our perception of reality, I believe God always sees the whole canvas, and lets us know in meaningful ways that we are right where we need to be.

Whether my experience was pure coincidence, my unconscious sending me a message, or the Divine giving me guidance… it doesn’t really matter in the end. What matters is that I took notice. Finding meaning in the seemingly ordinary events of my life has brought unrivaled comfort, healing, and direction into my life.

I hope the same is true for you.

Sometimes we have to look back to realize just how far we’ve come.

To view my journey in pictures visit my gallery.

For my latest blog about how synchronicity is still playing a huge role in my healing journey check out my latest blog in my synchronicity series Faith, Synchronicity and Healing.

A big thanks to Neurologic Wellness Institute for being part of my healing journey and helping me celebrate remission by spiking out cancer!

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For more on the topic of synchronicity:

Energizing Jung’s Ideas About Synchronicity- Psychology Today

Connecting with Coincidence with Dr. Bernie Beitman, MD - EP 13 - Guest: Roderick Main

Connecting with Coincidence Survey

Synchronicity Podcast with Noah Lampert

111 Biblical Meaning
Faith, God and Synchronicity Part 1

Faith, God and Synchronicity Part 2

What Is Synchronicity? -Deepak Chopra

A big thanks to Neurologic Wellness Institute Podcast for letting me share my healing journey.

Faith, God and Synchronicity - Part 2

When you’re going through a difficult time you may have been told in some capacity that “everything happens for a reason.” While some may find this comforting, the truth is, many people cannot accept that their pain, their loss or their tragedy happened for a reason.

And that’s okay.

I tend to look at things differently. Actually, I often look at things a million different ways, analyzing and scrutinizing every detail until I eventually come to some sort of conclusion. While this can be exhausting, my over-analytical mind finds solace in examining every detail in hopes it catches something— some clue as to why something happened.

But as much as we need to look within ourselves for the will and resolve to push forward when life knocks us down, we also need to sometimes turn outside ourselves to often find the reason WHY.  I’ve learned that when terrible things happen for no explicable reason, turning to our faith can give us the strength to power through the adversity and pain—it can also lead us to some profound realizations.

As my previous post on this subject detailed, my husband and I routinely see repeating number patterns among other signs from heaven. It’s been a running joke and a bright spot in a rather dark few years. It seems that just when we are desperately in need of answers, heaven answers the call.

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As I detailed in my latest treatment update, I’ve been dealing with some troubling symptoms since the end of October. I’ve been growing more and more fatigued, with pain radiating down both arms, low appetite and a concerning pain on my left side near my rib cage. I had many of these same symptoms before I was diagnosed and I was very alarmed I was possibly relapsing or had some serious complications to my spleen from treatment.

I went back and forth to Northwestern and my oncologist several times this past week for labs and testing. Thankfully all my bloodwork looked good for the most part—just my iron level was very low. The ultrasound of my spleen came back normal but the pain on the left side of my stomach kept growing stronger and more acute.

By Thursday evening I was now unable to eat, feeling breathless and very concerned something could seriously be wrong, despite my oncologist’s opinion that everything was fine because the ultrasound of my spleen was normal. I just knew something was wrong because I’ve never felt pain like this before in my life.

The pain was very alarming and despite having a normal ultrasound, my gut told me I needed to push for more extensive testing, specifically a CT with contrast and an MRI to determine what was going on with me because I knew something just wasn’t right.

Flooded with heavy emotions with the realization that something could be deadly wrong, I prayed as hard as I could to God, as well as my other spirit allies Archangel Michael and my loved ones in heaven (many of whom were medical professionals during their time here on Earth).

Through tears, I asked for their intercession and help in saying the right things medically so that I could be properly diagnosed. I feared I was nearing death after just cheating it. I prayed for my children and my family that we would find answers before it was too late.  

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Later that Friday afternoon, I received word that the soonest my oncologist would be able to see me was Monday.  My symptoms were growing more and more acute. It was now harder to breathe and I was unable to eat solid foods.

I desperately made a call to my primary doctor and pleaded with the nurse who answered to get me in last minute. Thankfully they were able to.  I could finally start to relax.

I hung up the phone and looked at the clock next to my bed. It read 2:22pm.

The first sign.

Note: “Angel number 222 tells you that everything will turn out for the best in the long-term. Do not put your energies into negativity – be aware that all is being working out by spirit for the highest good of all involved…Angel Number 222 is a message of faith and trust from your angels. Remember that nothing happens by chance and everything happens for a reason. Maintain a positive attitude and you will find that everything will have positive results and you will receive abundant blessings in Divine right timing.”

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After seeing me Friday afternoon, my primary doctor agreed my symptoms were troubling and could possibly indicate I had an issue with my spleen/ pancreas or blood clot in my lungs. We immediately went to the ER Friday evening. The ER did an emergency CT scan which thankfully determined I’m still in remission and do not have a blood clot or anything life-threatening that would require emergency surgery.  

Relieved with the news from my CT scan I started to text my parents, when a shiny plaque in my ER room caught my eye. The sign read the names of whom the room was sponsored by. From my position, I could only make out the name MICHAEL.

The second sign.  


Note: This is a picture I took from my ER bed after receiving the news my broad CT scan was clear and I was definitely still in remission. The name Michael has a lot of significance to me as I often pray to Archangel Michael as well as my cousin Michael who is in heaven.

This is a picture of my cousin Dr. Michael Malis.  He was an incredible radiologist and I just felt him there with me holding my hand through all this uncertainty—especially during the excruciating wait for test results. I truly believe this was a sign that my prayers were answered.

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I was admitted to the hospital on 11/17 for ongoing monitoring due to the pain and irregular heart rate. My MRI on 11/18/18 later showed I have two herniated discs in my spine. One is in my upper back behind my rib cage and are compressing on a nerve that’s why I’ve been feeling breathless and having trouble eating because that nerve also impacts my stomach.  

During my stay I also had significant fluctuations in my heart rate so the doctors are now thinking I may potentially have an autonomic disorder called POTS—postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome. I have several follow up appointments to confirm. This is a rather new disorder that they unfortunately are still learning how best to treat but a diagnosis of dysautonomia and POTS is somewhat comforting because it confirms a lot of symptoms I’ve been experiencing my entire life.

My diagnosis of POTS could also help my oldest daughter with her own health struggles as she was recently diagnosed with epilepsy. Her anti-seizure medication appears to be making her worse and my gut told me this could be a possible reason why. POTS and dysautonomia have a genetic component. This would explain why the ER doctors who saw my daughter exactly a month early during her ER stay (10/18/18) thought she may have a form of fainting/ syncope  and not epilepsy.  But given her abnormal EEG she was put on anti-seizure medication as a precaution.

The third sign.  

Note the coincidence: Both my daughter and I were admitted to the ER and diagnosed with a potentially life-altering diagnosis-exactly a month apart. My daughter went to the ER and was diagnosed on 10/18/18. I received my diagnosis 11/18/18. Notice the synchronicity of the repeating numbers in the date too.

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On Sunday 11/18, I was beyond relieved when my MRI showed a definite cause of my pain. I texted my dad with the great news. After we all took a huge sigh of relief with the news, he sent me the following text. The following exchange still gives me chills. If this isn’t a “Hello” from heaven, I don’t know what is.

Note: This is a picture of my Grandpa John who was a medic during WWII. Although I was never blessed enough to meet him in this life, I’ve prayed to him many times for help during my journey. I believe this is his way of saying he’s listening and is always with us—no matter how much time as passed. The fact that we finally received some reassuring answers on what would have been his 97th birthday is a wonderful synchronicity.

The fourth sign.

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On Monday 11/19, my dad was able to take me back to Northwestern for a follow-up appointment with my oncologist. We were hoping for answers and for her guidance on next steps now that we finally have some idea as to what could be the source of my ongoing pain and discomfort.

As we circled the parking garage looking for a spot, I did what I always do when I get desperate for parking in Chicago… I pray to the angels for help! Almost instantly, my dad decides it was better to play the odds and we start to exit in the hopes we would find a better spot in the lower levels. I smiled as we circled the corner and I saw we were rounding level number 5.

I yelled “Come on lucky number 5!” (5 has always been my lucky number because I was born 12/5/85.)  I kid you not, it seemed as soon as I uttered those words taillights appeared in a spot conveniently located near the elevator (making it a whole lot easier on me). We then had to smile in disbelief when we checked the time as we got out.

It was 1:11 pm.

As we approached the elevators I laughed and smiled again in disbelief. At quick glance the numbers on the three elevators ahead read 444 and stated we were now over St. Clair Street.

The fifth sign.

Note: I believe repeating number patterns and names are forms of synchronicities that are signs from heaven and often clues to deeper meaning. It is often said the numbers 444 resonate with the vibrations of the Archangels.

“Angel Number 444 asks that you pay attention to your intuition and inner-wisdom as your connection with your angels and the angelic realm is very strong at this time. You are encouraged to continue on your current path as your drive and determination will lead to success and fulfillment.

 Angel Number 444 is a message that the angels and Archangels are with you, encouraging and guiding you. They are offering you positive energies, inner-strength and support to enable you to get the work done that you need to. They know and understand that you have been toiling diligently towards your goals, and encourage you to continue on your current path to achieve the success and results you desire. Use your strong connection with the angelic realm to your benefit and be open to their promptings and messages. Listen to your intuition and follow its guidance.”

My Clair Family Angels

 “Clair” exactly how it is spelled  in the sign over the elevator , was my mother’s maiden name and I’ve been praying a lot to my Grandma and Grandpa Clair as well as my uncle, Dr. Daniel Clair  (pictured here) for help during this difficult time. I named my youngest daughter Vivian “Clair” as a way to keep the memory of the Clair family alive.  I believe this was another powerful sign from my loved ones in heaven assuring me they are indeed always with me, no matter how much time or space separates us.

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While at times it can be hard to accept that everything happens for a reason, I believe if we focus our intentions on where we look, we can see heaven is often sending us signs of reassurance we are never alone in our struggles.

Throughout my journey I’ve been through an incredible amount of pain and uncertainty. But if by sharing my story, I can help just one person have a better sense of peace that they too can make it through their difficult season—it will have all been worth it. If I can help just one person get diagnosed, I may save a life—and it will all have been worth it. 

I believe everything truly does happen for a reason. No matter how far our struggle may seem to drag us off course, with faith we can find solace and eventually meaning.

Like tonight, when I prayed and gave thanks for the recent turn of events and asked for guidance on what to write about next. As I went to pick up my phone next to my alarm clock, I had my answer. It was 11:11 pm.

Note: This REALLY happened. I legit haven’t adjusted the time on my bedside clock. It runs a few minutes fast and I haven’t changed it because for some reason, I see the most significant repeating numbers on this clock.  As I wondered why, my eyes were drawn upwards to the crucifix I had hung over that spot near my bed a year ago when this journey started. I again had my answer from heaven. This time it was just a little clearer so hopefully you could see it too.

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Read Faith, God and Synchronicity Part 1

Read my latest blog on this topic: Synchronicity of Healing: Drawing Straight with Crooked Lines

Sources:

See the meanings of Angel numbers 111, 222, 444.

Searching for Meaning

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Each of us has times in our lives where we wish we could rewrite the ending of the story. We lose loved ones or become separated from things we care about. Our bodies begin to age and fail as we get older. There are times we feel helpless or hurt or feel our lives slipping out of our control.   

According to Buddha, “Life is suffering because it is impermanent and ever-changing.” This suffering or “dukkha” presents an array of emotions — from happiness to despair. According to Buddhism, human beings are trapped in a cycle of existence known as samsara. In samsara, “the cycle of suffering,” is a direct result of our desire for permanence in an ever-changing world. However, as Buddha and many other spiritual masters and teachers proclaim, while no one is exempt from suffering, we can thrive and flourish despite it—and, in some cases, because of it.

So how can life remain meaningful in spite of tragedy?

As Viktor Frankl so eloquently states in his transformative book, Man’s Search for Meaning, what matters the most in life is making the most out of any given situation. A psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor, Frankl wrote extensively about this process after observing that his fellow inmates in concentration camps were more likely to survive the horrific conditions if they held on to a sense of meaning. He went on to establish a new school of existential therapy called logotherapy, based on the belief that man’s primary motivation is an innate pull to find meaning even in the most difficult circumstances. Frankl pointed to research indicating a strong relationship between “meaninglessness” and criminal behaviors, addictions and depression. Without meaning, people fill the void with hedonistic pleasures, power, materialism, hatred, boredom, or neurotic obsessions and compulsions.

According to Frankl, "we can discover meaning in life in three different ways: (1) by creating a work or doing a deed; (2) by experiencing something or encountering someone; and (3) by the attitude we take toward unavoidable suffering" and that "everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances".

To understand how this process is possible, researchers have studied a fascinating phenomenon called post-traumatic growth. First identified in the 1990’s by psychologists Richard Tedeschi and Lawrence Calhoun, post-traumatic growth is when a person experiences positive changes resulting from a major life crisis. According to the research, post-traumatic growth goes beyond resilience. By actively searching for the good in something terrible, a person can use adversity as a catalyst for advancing to a higher level of personal development and self-actualization.

According to this theory, five positive changes signal post-traumatic growth and create a framework for making the best out of the worst situations.

1)      Personal Strength: Tragedy exposes our vulnerability in an unpredictable world and therefore may cause us to feel weak or helpless. But, on the contrary, it can also boost our self-confidence and lead us to view ourselves as stronger.

2)      Relationships: Whether bonding on a deeper level with friends and family or feeling connected to strangers who have gone through similar difficulties, suffering can bring people closer together.

3)      Greater Life Appreciation: Tragedy can shift our perspective, inspire us to value good things more, and renew our intention to make the most of our lives.

4)      Changing or Reinforced Beliefs:  Tragedy can cause some people to evolve existentially to see themselves and their role in the world differently or to feel a new spiritual connection, which can influence their sense of purpose or their faith.

5)      New Possibilities: In the aftermath of trauma, people may perceive that new opportunities are available and pursue them.

By focusing on one or more of these five areas, we have an opportunity to turn suffering into personal development. In particular, several factors can help this process. One is receiving care; it is important to seek out emotional and practical support from loved ones or community members following trauma. Another is approaching rather than avoiding the task of coping by accepting the tragedy as irreversible and embracing the grief process. The final factor is recognizing that we are in charge of how we move forward and thereby take control over our recovery.

Post-traumatic growth does not imply that trauma is good or that suffering should be trivialized. Fortunately, distress and post-traumatic growth often occur simultaneously. In fact, research has shown suffering actually plays a role in our overall well-being. Trauma drives change, and that change can be positive. Post-traumatic growth points to ways in which we can use our struggles—as individuals or even a nation—as stepping stones for greater meaning and transformation.

The choice is ours.

Sources:

Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl

“How to Find Meaning in Suffering”  Scientific American

“What Is Suffering? 10 Buddhist Teachers Weigh In” Lion’s Roar