Each of us has times in our lives where we wish we could rewrite the ending of the story. We lose loved ones or become separated from things we care about. Our bodies begin to age and fail as we get older. There are times we feel helpless or hurt or feel our lives slipping out of our control.
According to Buddha, “Life is suffering because it is impermanent and ever-changing.” This suffering or “dukkha” presents an array of emotions — from happiness to despair. According to Buddhism, human beings are trapped in a cycle of existence known as samsara. In samsara, “the cycle of suffering,” is a direct result of our desire for permanence in an ever-changing world. However, as Buddha and many other spiritual masters and teachers proclaim, while no one is exempt from suffering, we can thrive and flourish despite it—and, in some cases, because of it.
So how can life remain meaningful in spite of tragedy?
As Viktor Frankl so eloquently states in his transformative book, Man’s Search for Meaning, what matters the most in life is making the most out of any given situation. A psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor, Frankl wrote extensively about this process after observing that his fellow inmates in concentration camps were more likely to survive the horrific conditions if they held on to a sense of meaning. He went on to establish a new school of existential therapy called logotherapy, based on the belief that man’s primary motivation is an innate pull to find meaning even in the most difficult circumstances. Frankl pointed to research indicating a strong relationship between “meaninglessness” and criminal behaviors, addictions and depression. Without meaning, people fill the void with hedonistic pleasures, power, materialism, hatred, boredom, or neurotic obsessions and compulsions.
According to Frankl, "we can discover meaning in life in three different ways: (1) by creating a work or doing a deed; (2) by experiencing something or encountering someone; and (3) by the attitude we take toward unavoidable suffering" and that "everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances".
To understand how this process is possible, researchers have studied a fascinating phenomenon called post-traumatic growth. First identified in the 1990’s by psychologists Richard Tedeschi and Lawrence Calhoun, post-traumatic growth is when a person experiences positive changes resulting from a major life crisis. According to the research, post-traumatic growth goes beyond resilience. By actively searching for the good in something terrible, a person can use adversity as a catalyst for advancing to a higher level of personal development and self-actualization.
According to this theory, five positive changes signal post-traumatic growth and create a framework for making the best out of the worst situations.
1) Personal Strength: Tragedy exposes our vulnerability in an unpredictable world and therefore may cause us to feel weak or helpless. But, on the contrary, it can also boost our self-confidence and lead us to view ourselves as stronger.
2) Relationships: Whether bonding on a deeper level with friends and family or feeling connected to strangers who have gone through similar difficulties, suffering can bring people closer together.
3) Greater Life Appreciation: Tragedy can shift our perspective, inspire us to value good things more, and renew our intention to make the most of our lives.
4) Changing or Reinforced Beliefs: Tragedy can cause some people to evolve existentially to see themselves and their role in the world differently or to feel a new spiritual connection, which can influence their sense of purpose or their faith.
5) New Possibilities: In the aftermath of trauma, people may perceive that new opportunities are available and pursue them.
By focusing on one or more of these five areas, we have an opportunity to turn suffering into personal development. In particular, several factors can help this process. One is receiving care; it is important to seek out emotional and practical support from loved ones or community members following trauma. Another is approaching rather than avoiding the task of coping by accepting the tragedy as irreversible and embracing the grief process. The final factor is recognizing that we are in charge of how we move forward and thereby take control over our recovery.
Post-traumatic growth does not imply that trauma is good or that suffering should be trivialized. Fortunately, distress and post-traumatic growth often occur simultaneously. In fact, research has shown suffering actually plays a role in our overall well-being. Trauma drives change, and that change can be positive. Post-traumatic growth points to ways in which we can use our struggles—as individuals or even a nation—as stepping stones for greater meaning and transformation.
The choice is ours.
Sources:
Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl
“How to Find Meaning in Suffering” Scientific American
“What Is Suffering? 10 Buddhist Teachers Weigh In” Lion’s Roar