Hope Grows in the Dark

I long to be like a sunflower...

Eternally happy and cheery

Quietly growing

Always reaching toward the heavens

Faithfully finding the light

Even when darkness and shadows abound.

It’s been a long time since I’ve written.

Work and managing three kids eLearning from home has taken most of my attention. I’ve had little time or energy to focus on much else.

To be honest, I’ve been struggling to find the words to describe the whirlwind of thoughts I have constantly swirling in my head. But when things start to feel overwhelming, it’s usually a sign I need to disengage from the world for a bit and focus on my self-care.

In the past, I would try to turn to writing and blogging to cope with my intense feelings, but after hours in front of my computer every day, the last thing I want to do lately is to stare at another screen and type.

So instead, I turned to something I haven’t done in years… I started drawing.

I never considered myself much of an artist.

I haven’t drawn anything in years.

I believed I could hardly draw anything other than stick figures and a few basic shapes.

 But one day, as I was coloring with my kids and feeling a bit down, something changed.

At first, I decided to try to draw a landscape. I started with some trees, and before I knew it, I could feel my body relaxing and a smile spreading across my face as I continued to add more and more details to my drawing.

We had recently lost one of our beloved family pets. I was feeling pretty devastated over the loss, so I decided to turn my landscape into a picture of a reunion of all our family dogs meeting in heaven.

What started off being a simple drawing ended up being an emotional trip down memory lane. I dug out pictures of my old family pets to ensure I got all the details right. Before I knew it, my heart went from feeling heavy and broken to feeling full of laughter and love as my children, and I reminisced over all of our old pets.    

Drawings of our family dogs reuniting in heaven.

It’s been a long time since I gave myself the freedom to create without being overly critical of the outcome. To me, there is no better feeling than being able to let my mind freely wander, and my pen create. Once I was able to let go of judgment and replaced it with an openness to go with the flow and see where my creativity took me, I was amazed at what I was able to create.

 That drawing was the start of many more.

My husband is an incredible artist, and he was kind enough to get me started with some drawing supplies. I have always loved nature, so I decided to hone my drawing skills by drawing some of my favorite still life objects: flowers and trees.

This week I practiced drawing a sunflower—one of my favorite flowers.

The persistence of the sunflower seed, pushing through the dark soil and blossoming into the eternally, cheery sunflower inspired me to write the following post. 

Hope is a force that can’t always be seen.

Just as seeds do not question
the blackness that surrounds them
Darkness leads to powerful transformations.

When I struggle to find the light
Sunflowers faithfully remind me
To stand tall and trust the process.

Hope blossoms every time
I dust myself off and
fearlessly choose to try again.

I’m slowly learning…

Growth doesn’t stop in the dark.

Healing isn’t linear.
I can’t go beyond
if I don’t step within first.

An essential part of healing
is holding space
beyond the pain.

Through the uncertainty,
In the uncomfortable silence;
After unfathomable waiting,

Miracles are born.

While I’m worrying
God is always working.
⠀
Preparing me.
Providing for me.
Proving anything is possible.

Scars Are Beautiful Reminders

Scars remind us what hurts us can also lead to what heals us.

It doesn’t take more than a glance in the mirror to let me know how much life has changed.

I’m slowly getting used to the face staring back at me.

No matter how much I try to resist the urge, most days my eyes can help but fixate on the jagged scars on my neck and collarbone.

These scars are a vivid reminder of how far I’ve come on my journey and how far I still have to go.

Scars are a reminder that trauma and transformation can coexist.  

As much as I want to conceal my scars, their presence reminds me imperfection is a natural part of life.

My scars tell an incredible story of survival.  

Each scar scattered across my body is a little signpost, reminding me that the pains of my past will always be with me— yet life goes on.

No matter what odds may be stacked against you, healing is possible.

Our scars remind us that there is more to life than simply surviving.

Our scars remind us there is another side to our pain.

Our scars remind us that our pain has the power to separate and unite us.

Our pain can lead us to discover our purpose and our people.

It’s a matter of how we view our scars.  

What will you discover about yourself when you learn to embrace pain rather than run away from it?

In a strange way, as I learn to embrace the painful events of my past, I’m becoming thankful for my scars.

This May I was blessed to celebrate being two years cancer-free from Stage 3 Hodgkins Lymphoma. 

Each year I am blessed to celebrate as a survivor, lets others know they can survive too.

Searching for Meaning

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Each of us has times in our lives where we wish we could rewrite the ending of the story. We lose loved ones or become separated from things we care about. Our bodies begin to age and fail as we get older. There are times we feel helpless or hurt or feel our lives slipping out of our control.   

According to Buddha, “Life is suffering because it is impermanent and ever-changing.” This suffering or “dukkha” presents an array of emotions — from happiness to despair. According to Buddhism, human beings are trapped in a cycle of existence known as samsara. In samsara, “the cycle of suffering,” is a direct result of our desire for permanence in an ever-changing world. However, as Buddha and many other spiritual masters and teachers proclaim, while no one is exempt from suffering, we can thrive and flourish despite it—and, in some cases, because of it.

So how can life remain meaningful in spite of tragedy?

As Viktor Frankl so eloquently states in his transformative book, Man’s Search for Meaning, what matters the most in life is making the most out of any given situation. A psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor, Frankl wrote extensively about this process after observing that his fellow inmates in concentration camps were more likely to survive the horrific conditions if they held on to a sense of meaning. He went on to establish a new school of existential therapy called logotherapy, based on the belief that man’s primary motivation is an innate pull to find meaning even in the most difficult circumstances. Frankl pointed to research indicating a strong relationship between “meaninglessness” and criminal behaviors, addictions and depression. Without meaning, people fill the void with hedonistic pleasures, power, materialism, hatred, boredom, or neurotic obsessions and compulsions.

According to Frankl, "we can discover meaning in life in three different ways: (1) by creating a work or doing a deed; (2) by experiencing something or encountering someone; and (3) by the attitude we take toward unavoidable suffering" and that "everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances".

To understand how this process is possible, researchers have studied a fascinating phenomenon called post-traumatic growth. First identified in the 1990’s by psychologists Richard Tedeschi and Lawrence Calhoun, post-traumatic growth is when a person experiences positive changes resulting from a major life crisis. According to the research, post-traumatic growth goes beyond resilience. By actively searching for the good in something terrible, a person can use adversity as a catalyst for advancing to a higher level of personal development and self-actualization.

According to this theory, five positive changes signal post-traumatic growth and create a framework for making the best out of the worst situations.

1)      Personal Strength: Tragedy exposes our vulnerability in an unpredictable world and therefore may cause us to feel weak or helpless. But, on the contrary, it can also boost our self-confidence and lead us to view ourselves as stronger.

2)      Relationships: Whether bonding on a deeper level with friends and family or feeling connected to strangers who have gone through similar difficulties, suffering can bring people closer together.

3)      Greater Life Appreciation: Tragedy can shift our perspective, inspire us to value good things more, and renew our intention to make the most of our lives.

4)      Changing or Reinforced Beliefs:  Tragedy can cause some people to evolve existentially to see themselves and their role in the world differently or to feel a new spiritual connection, which can influence their sense of purpose or their faith.

5)      New Possibilities: In the aftermath of trauma, people may perceive that new opportunities are available and pursue them.

By focusing on one or more of these five areas, we have an opportunity to turn suffering into personal development. In particular, several factors can help this process. One is receiving care; it is important to seek out emotional and practical support from loved ones or community members following trauma. Another is approaching rather than avoiding the task of coping by accepting the tragedy as irreversible and embracing the grief process. The final factor is recognizing that we are in charge of how we move forward and thereby take control over our recovery.

Post-traumatic growth does not imply that trauma is good or that suffering should be trivialized. Fortunately, distress and post-traumatic growth often occur simultaneously. In fact, research has shown suffering actually plays a role in our overall well-being. Trauma drives change, and that change can be positive. Post-traumatic growth points to ways in which we can use our struggles—as individuals or even a nation—as stepping stones for greater meaning and transformation.

The choice is ours.

Sources:

Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl

“How to Find Meaning in Suffering”  Scientific American

“What Is Suffering? 10 Buddhist Teachers Weigh In” Lion’s Roar