Celebrating my remission on September 19, 2019. We later realized I was leaping in the air at exactly 1:11 pm local Chicago time when this photo was taken. Repeating numbers like 111 are often a sign of synchronicity, alluding to the deeper, spiritual meaning of your current events.
“The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps. ”
So many times, we find ourselves trying to make sense of the senseless.
Whether something was beyond our control or happened because of our own making—all of us have experienced those unexpected twists and difficult turn of events in our lives.
We find ourselves constantly reflecting on why something happened or worked out the way it did.
We wonder how can we possibly carry on as we search for ways to collect the broken pieces of ourselves and put them back together?
How do we make something meaningful, something beautiful, out of so many crooked lines?
Maybe what once was a clear path forward, is now muddled with fear and confusion. Whether it was illness, loss or circumstance, a detour shoved us off the straight path and onto a crooked line.
These are the moments in our lives that bring us to our knees and force us to examine everything around us and the stories we tell ourselves.
My moment came when I was diagnosed with Stage 3 cancer.
While it’s true our world can change in an instant, we often get so caught up in events that we forget we have the power to rewrite the story we tell ourselves.
We forget that our world can be an entirely different place than the world we lived in just a few moments ago, once our attitude toward it changes.
I didn’t realize it until recently, but the world I have been creating for myself through my thoughts and actions was full of fear, scarcity and survival. Unknowingly, I was living in this mental prison for most of my life until illness and cancer forced me to reexamine my reality.
I have repeatedly told myself I was broken, unfixable, and at times even unlovable.
I lived in fear when I was told some of my afflictions were “permanent” and incurable.
I believed part of me was dysfunctional and would remain that way for the rest of my life.
However, I once discovered these stories I was taking as absolute truths weren’t MY truth—things started to change. I began to realize how these attitudes and beliefs grew from the seeds of the stories that were planted by society, my caregivers, teachers, coaches and the many connections I have made throughout my life.
Throughout my journey with cancer, I have found the more I try to unpack my personal narrative, the more I am able to understand the parts of my life that need to change so I can heal.
I soon started to discover how our thoughts and the words we use, and the relationship we have with those words have the potential to directly affect our experiences. It’s as if our thoughts go out into the universe and take root as either seeds or weeds. They sprout in straight or crooked lines depending on our choices and intentions— both positive and negative.
From this quantum perspective, we often overlook the incredible fact that it is the sum of our connections that brought us to this very moment.
We forget that we are connected by our bodies, our DNA, the stories we tell ourselves, and the life experiences that have brought us to this point. And I’ve found the more we understand all these connections, the more we can start to shape them to serve our best interests and highest good.
One of the ways I am constantly reminded of this universal connection is through synchronicities.
The term synchronicity was first coined by the psychologist Carl Jung to describe a meaningful coincidence which seems to defy probability and “normal” explanations.
Jung believed synchronicities illuminate the mysterious connection between our personal psyches and the material world, based on the fact that everything exists as different forms of energy. Viewed in this way, synchronicity allows us to see the world with different eyes—one based on awe, curiosity and profound meaning.
When we learn to view things in this way, the world can speak to us in a completely new way. The rational, scientific facade of the world, although still present, comes alive with the vibrancy and presence of spirituality and divine connection. We can discover meaning in life and find those ‘golden threads’ that seem to weave through our lives revealing truths about ourselves and our individual journeys.
“Life is a symphony of synchronicities waking us up to the reality of who we really are.” Noah Lampert, Synchronicity Podcast
Maybe you’re reading this now because you recently had one of those life-changing moments or synchronicities yourself. A when something happens that makes you question the role of design in the universe and your own place within it.
Examples of synchronicities would be overhearing a random conversation between strangers that appears to answer your own inner questions; or how events seem to unfold in the perfect manner to lead to you to the right information at the right time from the right people that are necessary to progress on your healing journey.
Synchronicities can bring the perfect people to lead you to success, or bring you to situations where everything seems to falls into place to improve your life.
I believe synchronicities are divine guideposts urging us to continue on our current path by helping to remind us that everything is connected.
Our intuition seems to have a direct connection to God and the divine knowledge that steers the grand plan of the Universe. Through our intuition, we can be guided to stay on this divine path—one that is filled with incredible synchronicities along the way.
Since 2012, I have been experiencing numerous number synchronicities daily. Unknowingly catching the time 11:11, 1:11, 2:22, 4:44, 11:44, and seeing different repeating number patterns and meaningful names show up in the most unexpected places. Throughout my journey with cancer, these synchronicities only seemed to intensify as highlighted in my two-part series Faith, God and Synchronicity.
Over this past year in remission, I have continued to experience multiple synchronicities on my journey to healing.
Such as being fortunate to be diagnosed exactly when I was so that I could participate in cutting-edge cancer treatment that is showing unprecedented results. I was floored to find out this past year that if I was diagnosed sooner or months later, I may have missed my spot since my clinical trial was only open to 40 patients.
Or how after weeks of anticipation leading up to my latest scan, it seemed I had butterflies following me everywhere I went. Especially meaningful to me was the butterfly I saw while waiting in traffic on the way to the hospital for one of my recent scans at Northwestern’s Lurie Cancer Center.
Captured this butterfly floating through traffic on my way for my latest scan at Northwestern in Chicago.
Connecting with Coincidence
Later as we were coming home from my scan, my husband and I noticed a lady bug had been stuck to our windshield for nearly the entire trip. These two instances struck me as a key coincidences because a butterfly is known to symbolize transformation and a ladybug is believed to be an embodiment of good luck. I took these random events and their timing as positive signs that my scan would be clear and I was still well on my path to healing and complete remission.
On September 18th, I received confirmation that my latest scan was clear and I’m still in remission. However, one of the most profoundly meaningful events of my entire cancer journey occurred two days later on September 20th, 2019.
One of the stories I had been telling myself was my body is broken and it may never be the same.
I believed that my days of playing competitive sports were over. I thought I was not strong of fit enough to play at a competitive level anymore. In my youth, I played junior Olympic volleyball for over 5 years, and was fortunate to play volleyball my freshman year in college at Dominican University in River Forest, Illinois. However, a severe ankle injury ended my collegiate volleyball career my sophomore year, and in a way, reinforced the belief that my sports days were pretty much over for good. After that year, I transferred universities and never played collegiate volleyball again.
Fast forward to present day, where I am now a mother of three and a stage 3 cancer survivor with a chest port from treatment still in place.
I still felt that story to be true, but deep down I hoped and prayed for a different outcome.
One of the ways I longed to celebrate overcoming my cancer and this year of recovery, was to spike a volleyball in remission. What seemed like a lofty goal ended up happening thanks to a little divine timing and perseverance.
For the second time this year I was invited to play at an alumni game at Dominican University. The date was close to the date of my scan so I was not intending to play. However, after I received the news my scan was clear the next day the current coach from Domincan’s Woman’s Volleyball team reached out to me again to confirm if I could play. I took this divine timing as a synchronicity that this a step I needed to take on my path to healing.
As I walked into my college gymnasium, I did my best to smile so that I could hold back my tears. Only 8 months prior, my children watched as I had to be taken by ambulance from my home because I was so ill. But on this night, my husband and three children were able to see me healthy and active, fully reclaiming my health and vitality.
Here is a video of me from that night during warm-ups where I was able to turn my vision of remission into reality and a treasured memory for my family: I got to spike out cancer for good and knock a huge item off my bucket list in remission:
To further confirm this synchronicity, three days after I played in the alumni game, Facebook reminded me 8 years ago that very day I had received my college degree from DePaul University, ending that chapter of my life.
Sometimes we have to look back to realize just how far we’ve come. To view my journey in pictures visit my gallery.
I had to smile in awe with the realization everything had come full circle.
I was finally ready to finally release those limiting beliefs about myself I had been holding onto for so long. Thanks to hard work, determination and some divine timing, I was finally able to change the ending of that story and start to heal.
Healing comes in many forms. However, I believe one of the first steps to healing is to develop the self-awareness to understand the stories you tell yourself and the meaning behind your experiences, both positive and negative.
From the divine timing of my diagnosis to the medical professionals placed in my path who have helped me achieve remission, I believe God is always speaking to us, sending us little messages, causing coincidences and serendipities, reminding us to stop, look around and to believe in something else, something more.
We do not always see God’s will and the divine plan when we are walking through it.
At times the paths we are walking become so crooked and tangled, we lose our faith and sight of the bigger picture. We forget that often it is our setbacks that are preludes to God’s deeper work. While our difficult circumstances can cloud our perception of reality, I believe God always sees the whole canvas, and lets us know in meaningful ways that we are right where we need to be.
Whether my experience was pure coincidence, my unconscious sending me a message, or the Divine giving me guidance… it doesn’t really matter in the end. What matters is that I took notice. Finding meaning in the seemingly ordinary events of my life has brought unrivaled comfort, healing, and direction into my life.
I hope the same is true for you.
Sometimes we have to look back to realize just how far we’ve come.
To view my journey in pictures visit my gallery.
For my latest blog about how synchronicity is still playing a huge role in my healing journey check out my latest blog in my synchronicity series Faith, Synchronicity and Healing.
A big thanks to Neurologic Wellness Institute for being part of my healing journey and helping me celebrate remission by spiking out cancer!
For more on the topic of synchronicity:
Energizing Jung’s Ideas About Synchronicity- Psychology Today
Connecting with Coincidence with Dr. Bernie Beitman, MD - EP 13 - Guest: Roderick Main