Coping with the hair loss and regrowth from my battle with Stage 3 Hodgkin Lymphoma never gets easier. But losing my hair has helped me appreciate all that I have and my capacity for regrowth.
“When is your hair gonna grow back mommy?”
I touch the ends of my growing bob and say,
“I think it’s getting pretty long, don’t you think?”
My daughter’s bright eyes start to dim as she shakes her head yes.
“But I like it the way it used to be…when it was longer,” she says.
The truth is, my children see my hair as a sign of my health.
The longer mom’s hair is, the healthier I am and the more my cancer treatment is becoming a distant memory.
Although I’m now two years into my remission, dealing with the hair loss and coping with the awkward stages of hair regrowth never seems to get easier.
My children have every right to miss the old mommy.
I still miss the old me.
Sometimes I hardly recognize my own reflection.
My hair is now shorter, darker.
My body is covered with more scars.
My hands sometimes struggle to grasp items or do simple tasks.
My mind constantly battles with the extreme fear of relapse and the hope of long-term remission.
Pain has become a familiar companion.
But that pain has slowly led me to my purpose.
The constant fear of not knowing what is next has made me all the more grateful for what I have in front of me and all around me right now.
Sometimes the worst things that happen to us can set the stage for the best things that will ever happen to us.
Sometimes the only way to truly understand something is to experience it for yourself. But with the right shift in perspective, I have found you can turn even the most difficult tests and circumstances into your biggest personal triumphs.
Learning to recognize the blessings in disguise that fill your life is an important part of healing.
Cancer exposed all my weaknesses and my greatest fears, but it has also helped me discover my passions and live more purposefully too.
Losing my hair allowed me to glimpse the parts of me I’ve tried so hard to ignore and keep hidden.
Losing my hair helped me realize who I am and who I hope to become.
Losing my hair helped me appreciate my own beauty despite my ever-changing appearance.
Losing my hair gave me the confidence to bravely and authentically face the world.
Losing my hair helped me to be more comfortable in my own skin and get ready in record time.
Losing my hair told me there is always a silver lining in a situation if you look hard enough.
Losing my hair helped me realize, whether you are bald or blessed with beautiful flowing tresses—the length of our hair does not matter in the end.
Beauty can still be found when you’re feeling broken.
Growth is messy and recovery takes time.
It’s often a mix of forward motion and then two steps backward.
Yet, just as painstakingly slow as hair grows, progress is always being made whether we realize it or not.
It’s usually only after we stop and look back that we realize just how far we’ve come.
My journey with cancer and beyond has taught me that even the most negative moment can still lead to a positive outcome.
Looking at our losses as “blessings in disguise” allows us to see the underlying lessons when horrible and tragic events happen. When we view the awful things in our lives as teachers instead, we begin to see the situation in a new light.
So the next time you find yourself in a bad, difficult or unfortunate situation, pause and ask yourself, “What is this trying to teach me?“
I’ve found the moment we look for the lesson, the situation usually starts to resolve itself and we start to heal.
Tragic and difficult events often teach us to be grateful for our lives.
We tend to take life for granted, only to discover how magical and fragile it can be during times of crisis and loss. Looking for the blessings in disguise during difficult times helps develop our capacity for gratitude. While I never would have planned or hoped to lose my hair, looking back I now see I’ve gained far more than I’ve ever lost.
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