“What’s in a name? that which we call a rose, by any other name would smell as sweet.” Shakespeare
What matters is what something is, not what it is called. Though our bodies may be scarred from treatment or worn-out from illness, our spirit is eternal and ultimately unshakeable. We must remember, above else we are SURVIVORS. Although we may feel broken at times, our imperfections often highlight our true essence when we are brave enough to peel back the layers of scar tissue. We can discover that at our core lies incredible strength and resilience against any adversity.
There have been many times in my life where I’ve felt irreparably damaged and broken. Whether it was after learning I had cancer or simply something I did or said, there have been plenty of times where I wish I could rewind the clock. It would take everything in my power not to run and hide because I’m was so incredibly embarrassed and ashamed by something I said, did — or perhaps failed to do.
But the thing I’ve discovered about shame is that it thrives in silence. It tries to will you to remain silent because of the fear you won’t be accepted. Your imperfections are too much and will make others uncomfortable so it is better to hide them away. Shame also causes you to endlessly cycle through your past actions looking for reasons why something happened, some explanation to make sense of the chaos of the all the stirred-up emotions guilt can bring. However, the most important thing my mistakes have taught me over time is that there is true power when you freely admit the things you’ve said or done wrong, then take steps to remedy the situation. I believe it is only through awareness and acceptance that we are truly able to grow and heal.
I recently learned about the Japanese philosophy of wabi-sabi and have been trying to apply this concept to my daily life as I work on recovering from my recent cancer treatment. The truth is getting cancer in my 30s, as a young wife and mother, opened my eyes and gave me a glimpse into my mortality. No matter how you slice it, getting diagnosed with any life-changing illness is a wake-up call. It forces you to reexamine your life and your priorities in ways you never thought you would have imagined. In many ways, cancer has caused me to hit my internal reset button and become fully committed to improving my health, balance and overall wellness, both physically and mentally.
The Japanese Philosophy of Wabi-Sabi
Wabi-sabi means a state of acceptance for the imperfections in life. Wabi-sabi encourages us to focus on the blessings hiding in our daily lives, celebrating the way things are, rather than how they should be. Because when you appreciate everything, the good and the bad, you are appreciating the flow of life.
According to Mike Sturm, “Wabi-sabi is about accepting yourself and building on what you already have in life. Embracing wabi-sabi is as easy (or as difficult) as understanding and accepting yourself — imperfections and all. It’s about being compassionate with yourself as you are and building on whatever that is — not feverishly trying to rebuild yourself to pose as something else entirely.”
Wabi-sabi is timeless wisdom that values tranquility, harmony, beauty and imperfection, and it can also strengthen your resilience in the face of materialism and as well as during turbulent times.
I could focus on the whys. I could fret about the how’s. I could live in a constant state of panic and worry that my cancer will return. And believe me, I have and still sometimes do. As a life-long perfectionist, I can be incredibly hard on myself. I have a hard time letting go of things. But as part of my healing, I’m choosing to focus on embracing my imperfections and finding beauty in my scars. I’ve always viewed my scars as a sign of strength. They are little signposts letting others know, I’ve lived through this and you can too.
Nothing lasts, nothing is finished, and nothing is perfect.
In Zen philosophy, there are seven core principles of wabi-sabi:
Kanso — simplicity
Fukinsei — asymmetry or irregularity
Shibumi — beauty in the understated
Shizen — naturalness without pretense
Yugen — subtle grace
Datsuzoku — freeness
Seijaku — tranquility
The concept of wabi-sabi also has its roots in the traditional Japanese tea ceremony. To illustrate this philosophy in action, one is often told to think of a well-loved teacup, cracked and chipped through constant use. This helps remind us that nothing in life is permanent — even fixed objects change over time. Another great example of the concept of wabi-sabi is found in the art of kintsugi, where cracked pottery is filled with gold dusted lacquer as a way to honor and showcase the beauty of its age and damage rather than concealing it. The fault is not hidden but highlighted. This is not to say the artist was careless or unskilled (wabi-sabi isn’t an excuse for poor craftsmanship). Wabi-sabi draws attention to the cracks in a tea cup as part of the beauty of the imperfections.
The philosophy of wabi-sabi can be found in the art of kintsugi, where cracked pottery is filled with gold dusted lacquer as a way to honor and showcase the beauty of its age and damage rather than concealing it. The fault is not hidden but highlighted.
Learning to Let Go
I’ve been doing my best to relax, slow down, step back from the world and find enjoyment and gratitude for the little things. I believe it comes down to your mindset. How you frame things or an experience as either positive or negative comes down to many factors. But I’ve learned the words you say matter and your intentions are incredibly powerful. Positive intentions have the power to transform your life and the lives of those around you.
Nothing in life is without change. Wabi-sabi offers relief against the perils of constantly striving for perfection or having a hard time letting go of our past. This age-old wisdom teaches us that dynamic impermanence is the natural state of all things. And since change is inevitable, trying to hold on to the past or the present is pointless and causes needless stress.
Stability can make us feel safe but it is a shaky foundation because it is ultimately built on the misguided assumption that things won't change— because everything does. When a sudden change comes like a loss, a layoff or an illness, the shock can be overwhelming. I’ve learned firsthand that we are desperately trying to hang on to what we know in a crisis, it can knock us flat. But when we surrender to what is and accept what is happening (not necessarily happy or condoning it, simply remaining realistic about what is happening), our lives may still get turned upside down, but we can and often do recover sooner, when we learn to go with the flow of things.
It is through embracing our perfectly imperfect selves that true healing begins. So when I’m having a hard time or feeling stuck these days, I have started the practice of asking myself:
Am I acting in fear or with faith?
Am I part of the disease or part of the cure?
Try to remember this when you feel broken too.
"Even if you’re stubborn or moody or judgmental, I will love you anyway. And when I’m stubborn, moody, and judgmental I’ll try to do the same for myself. I’ll try to rise above petty thoughts and sweeping generalizations and keep sight of who you and I really are: good people who are doing our best to navigate a sometimes-painful world. Because we all stress and strain and struggle sometimes. We all get fed up, ticked off, and let down, and at times we all lash out. In these moments when we feel lost and down on ourselves, it helps to see ourselves through the eyes of someone who believes in us. And it helps to remember we’re not alone, and that someone else really cares." ~Lori Deschene
Sources:
https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/how-to-embrace-imperfections-with-wabi-sabi