Surviving Suicide: Overcoming Grief and Loss

Two?

People often find the news hard to believe.
It’s not the fact that I am a mom of three, including TWINS, that leaves them stunned.
It not that in just TWO days I will be cancer-free for two years now that leaves people speechless.
It’s the fact that I’ve lost two loved ones to suicide and nearly lost myself too.

My story is more than my journey with cancer.

My story is not one that I can easily share but I do my best to write and speak about it when I can because I know that’s one of the main reasons I’m still here.

A big part of my journey is overcoming the grief and heartache that comes with the pain of losing two loved ones to a tragedy that I now believe could have been preventable.

I was reminded about my family’s legacy of loss when I heard the news of a coworker’s unexpected death this week.

Due to the untimely and tragic nature of her passing, there was a lot of immediate speculation, shock and heartache as the news of her death spread.

The pain and stigma surrounding losing a loved one to suicide clouds their memory and makes their untimely passing so much harder to accept.

As if their death wasn’t hard enough, now you are faced with a new level of grief that few understand.

There are often no words for this type of loss.
Just like when someone you love is diagnosed with cancer—words can’t seem to touch the gravity of the situation.
So many of us are at a loss of what to do or what to say when it comes to mental health, especially our own.
We hide behind the “fines” and “I’m good.”
But if what’s going on in the world right now is teaching us anything is that at the most basic, primal level we are all in this together.

We are all scared out of our minds while doing our best just to survive.

Part of the reason I began blogging about my journey with cancer over three years ago was to also be able to open about my struggle with mental illness.

I started to speak up about mental health to help break through the silence and stigma around suicide that has taken far too many of our sons, daughters, sisters and brothers.

I continue to reach into my vault of heartache from my family’s legacy of loss because I believe my grief can be channeled for good.

I’m continuing to share my extraordinary losses and gains, whether they come in twos or more so that hopefully, one day, my words are met with a “me too”.

I keep sharing the uncomfortable details of my past that I wish I could lock away and forget about, because if it can help save just one life then it was worth it.

My journey with cancer and mental illness has taught me that many of us are fighting silent and invisible battles every day.

Some we lose. Some we win.
But our pain always has a purpose.
Sometimes you can’t find the words to say and that’s okay.

You don’t always need to know the right words to say.
Sometimes all you need to do is be brave enough to ask for help and to take it.
All it takes to help your family or friend who is struggling right now is an open mind and heart and the wilingness to listen to their concerns without judgment.

Check on your family and friends. Let them know they are not alone.

Reaching out today could create the ripple effect of kindness and bring the hope we all so desperately need.

*** If you or someone you love is struggling right now, please call ‪1-800-273-TALK‬ or text HOME to 741741

Coping with Hair Loss

Coping with the hair loss and regrowth from my battle with Stage 3 Hodgkin Lymphoma never gets easier. But losing my hair has helped me appreciate all that I have and my capacity for regrowth.

“When is your hair gonna grow back mommy?”

I touch the ends of my growing bob and say,

“I think it’s getting pretty long, don’t you think?”

My daughter’s bright eyes start to dim as she shakes her head yes.

“But I like it the way it used to be…when it was longer,” she says. 

The truth is, my children see my hair as a sign of my health. 

The longer mom’s hair is, the healthier I am and the more my cancer treatment is becoming a distant memory. 

Although I’m now two years into my remission, dealing with the hair loss and coping with the awkward stages of hair regrowth never seems to get easier. 

My children have every right to miss the old mommy.

I still miss the old me. 

Sometimes I hardly recognize my own reflection.  

My hair is now shorter, darker. 

My body is covered with more scars. 

My hands sometimes struggle to grasp items or do simple tasks.

My mind constantly battles with the extreme fear of relapse and the hope of long-term remission.

Pain has become a familiar companion. 

But that pain has slowly led me to my purpose. 

The constant fear of not knowing what is next has made me all the more grateful for what I have in front of me and all around me right now. 

Sometimes the worst things that happen to us can set the stage for the best things that will ever happen to us. 

Sometimes the only way to truly understand something is to experience it for yourself. But with the right shift in perspective, I have found you can turn even the most difficult tests and circumstances into your biggest personal triumphs.

Learning to recognize the blessings in disguise that fill your life is an important part of healing. 

Cancer exposed all my weaknesses and my greatest fears, but it has also helped me discover my passions and live more purposefully too.    

Losing my hair allowed me to glimpse the parts of me I’ve tried so hard to ignore and keep hidden.

Losing my hair helped me realize who I am and who I hope to become.

Losing my hair helped me appreciate my own beauty despite my ever-changing appearance. 

Losing my hair gave me the confidence to bravely and authentically face the world.

Losing my hair helped me to be more comfortable in my own skin and get ready in record time. 

Losing my hair told me there is always a silver lining in a situation if you look hard enough. 

Losing my hair helped me realize, whether you are bald or blessed with beautiful flowing tresses—the length of our hair does not matter in the end.

Beauty can still be found when you’re feeling broken.

Growth is messy and recovery takes time. 

It’s often a mix of forward motion and then two steps backward. 

Yet, just as painstakingly slow as hair grows, progress is always being made whether we realize it or not. 

It’s usually only after we stop and look back that we realize just how far we’ve come. 

My journey with cancer and beyond has taught me that even the most negative moment can still lead to a positive outcome.   

 Looking at our losses as “blessings in disguise” allows us to see the underlying lessons when horrible and tragic events happen. When we view the awful things in our lives as teachers instead, we begin to see the situation in a new light.

 So the next time you find yourself in a bad, difficult or unfortunate situation, pause and ask yourself, “What is this trying to teach me?“

 I’ve found the moment we look for the lesson, the situation usually starts to resolve itself and we start to heal.

Tragic and difficult events often teach us to be grateful for our lives.

We tend to take life for granted, only to discover how magical and fragile it can be during times of crisis and loss. Looking for the blessings in disguise during difficult times helps develop our capacity for gratitude. While I never would have planned or hoped to lose my hair, looking back I now see I’ve gained far more than I’ve ever lost.

More posts on Coping with Hair Loss from Treatment:

Ponying Up: Copying with Hair Loss & Regrowth

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

Battling Chemo Brain After Treatment

For decades, cancer survivors have experienced problems with memory, attention, and processing information months and even years after treatment. Because many of these survivors had chemotherapy, this has been called "chemo brain" or "chemo fog.” Early researchers assumed that cognitive problems were a result of chemotherapy alone. More recent research has suggested that the combination of chemotherapy and hormonal therapy, or even hormonal therapy alone, may cause cognitive change.

Source: National Cancer Institute

What do you do when you’re lost for words?

You know the feeling.

Maybe you’re desperately trying to make a point but can’t find the right word.

Maybe you’re trying to tell someone something but can’t remember an important name.

Maybe you were telling a story but lost your train of thought and now have no idea what you were saying.

Maybe it happens to you once or twice and you shrug it off.

But for those of us with chemo brain this is our daily reality.

Going through cancer affects your brain just as much as the rest of your body.

Maybe more.

Neurological issues are hard to pin down.

It can take years to identify the root cause of your problem.

You wonder is there really a problem with your memory or are you simply too stressed?

Maybe it’s both?

It’s hard to tell.

Cognitive effects of treatment can range from simply forgetting and extreme fatigue to difficultly multi-tasking. and staying organized.

It’s frustrating.

It’s embarrassing.

It’s not something cancer survivors always discuss.

But it’s our reality.

It’s a haunting effect of treatment that lasts years, even decades later.

Sometimes it never goes away.

But I’m here to say it CAN get better.

There is hope that these side effects don’t have to last forever.

The body is an amazing machine.

Our brains keep the engine running.

But just like any system, parts break down and become dysfunctional.

Sometimes things happen that send our systems into overdrive.

Other times, traumatic events happen that paralyze us and take away our ability to react.

So we freeze.

Our bodies go into shock.

Even years later, our bodies can react as if the event has just happened or is currently happening to us.

Traumatic events affect us all differently. 

There is no magic pill for treating trauma. 

You have to do the work to heal. 

Yes, our brains can become sick and break down,

Our bodies can feel so broken that we want to give up.

But I have also witnessed first-hand how they can be healed and rewired.

Functional medicine and neurological rehab helped give me my life back after treatment. 

After just a few months of therapy and lifestyle adjustments, I was amazed by my progress.

The underlying agitation and frustration that comes with constantly forgetting things was gone.

The uncertainty regarding my future was alleviated.

I could finally feel my body starting to heal.

I could visibly see the changes:

My vision improved.

My balance stabilized.

My strength was restored.

My digestion improved.

My anxiety lessened.

It wasn’t easy.

For a long time, I doubted it was even possible.

I thought I would have to get used to living this “new normal.”

Functional medicine, neurological rehab along with lifestyle and diet changes helped me regain a lot of cognitive function I thought I had lost due to my cancer treatment.

It isn't a total panacea for chemo brain.

But it’s a pretty good place to start.

I’ll be sharing tips and other resources in upcoming blogs and posts to help other survivors and their families get access to the same treatment options and resources that helped me. I was fortunate to regain a lot of my cognitive function in the first two years of remission thanks to the therapy I received. I am hoping to help others do the same.

 This is a big reason why I started my Hopeful Warrior Project.

Chemo brain affects up to 75 per cent of patients during treatment with 35 percent reporting symptoms post-treatment.

I am hoping to change that by helping connect local cancer fighters and survivors with the resources that have helped me the most.

Learn more: www.hopefulwarrior.com/project

Donate: www.fundly.com/the-hopeful-warrior-project

Sources:

Chemo Brain- American Cancer Society

A ‘new normal’ with chemo brain- Fiona ME Henderson, University of Derby

Neuro Rehab in the Chicago area: Neurologic Wellness Institute

Taming and Coping With Anxiety

My heart is thumping so loud the sound is almost deafening.

It feels like my heart could burst out of my chest.

I want to crawl out of skin.

I’m not visibly sick.
But my anxiety is slowly, silently and I visibly draining the life out of me.

It feels like there is an elephant sitting on top of me.

It’s so hard to breathe.
It’s so hard to make the tears stop.
I want to scream but I’m often lost for words.

I want to be okay but honestly most days I’m not.

Some days all I can do is fake a smile.
Some days it takes all the strength I can muster just to take a shower.
Some days all I can do is try again tomorrow.

Anxiety is a beast.

It can be made bigger or smaller.
But it never really goes away.

Some days it feels like the overwhelming feeling is here to stay.
But just like any beast, I’ve found my anxiety can be tamed.

My anxiety doesn’t always have to run the show.
I have the power to turn my anxiety from useless to useful.
It’s simply a matter of perspective and control.

Anxiety is our body’s most basic tool.
A built in worry-bot to “always keep us safe,”
But our anxiety didn’t come with an instruction manual.
It’s up to us to learn from our anxiety.

What are our fears trying to tell us?

Knowing our triggers and how our brain copes and adjusts to our surroundings can help.

Most of all, it’s learning to ride the waves of uncertainty.

Accepting imperfection is a natural state of life.

It’s learning how to hold it together and breathe when all seems like it’s falling apart.

It’s looking down on my feet and focusing on the here and now because that’s all we can really control.

Anxiety may be ever present in our lives, but it doesn’t have to constantly overwhelm us.

I’m slowly accepting that anxiety will always be a part of me.
It just doesn’t have to be one of the biggest parts of me.

Warrior Mindset: Holding On For Them

On the days when I feel I can’t anymore, my children remind me what I’m fighting for and the endless possibilities the future holds.

Today I rose.

Not because it was easy.

But because of them.

I wanted so much to lie in bed.

I wanted to turn over, forget the world and fall fast asleep.

But I didn’t, because of them.

Their footsteps thunderously announced a new day had begun.

Their bright eyes and empty bellies demanded my full attention.

They still depend on me for so much.

To eat.

To feel safe.

To feel love.

To teach them about the world.

To show them the way.

Despite not knowing where we are headed.

Despite feeling lost and like I have no clue what I’m doing. 

Each morning, I rise for them.

My children remind me of my strength.

My children remind me of the endless possibilities that exist on the other side of pain.

My children remind me of my capacity to hurt and still love even harder.

So many days I feel like I’m drowning.

But their kisses are my lifeline.

Their belly laughs are my reward.

My children remind me that when two separate things become one—anything is possible.

My children remind me of my past but give me hope for the future.

My children remind me why I have to hold on harder on days I feel like giving up.

All that I ever hope for is that they know love.

All that I can ever show them is grace and the power of perseverance.

All that I’ll ever be is forever grateful God chose me to be their mom.

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Turning Your Pain into Purpose

“Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain.” — Joseph Campbell

Some of the most precious things in life are born from struggle. 

Seeds and roots pushing through the Earth’s crust.

Blossoms bursting open.

Caterpillars becoming butterflies.

Chickens hatching.

Babies being born.

The world around us is teeming with incredible miracles every day. 

Nature constantly reminds us that sometimes it takes a breakdown to have a major breakthrough.

Pain has a powerful way of teaching us what’s most important and where our true purpose lies.

While there is tremendous pain, suffering and uncertainty all around us, there also is an opportunity for change. Because when things go wrong, there is also a greater opportunity to turn things around for the better. Our difficult seasons can also be a chance for us to change directions and let go of what no longer serves us. 

Cancer taught me that we can’t always prevent a troubling event from happening, but we can always control how we respond. 

While I would never have chosen the most painful parts of my journey, I am grateful for all my pain has taught me about myself. 

Coming to this point wasn’t an easy journey. We rarely view painful events in this way. We do our best to avoid pain and uncertainty at all costs by staying firmly planted in our comfort zones.

I certainly did.

It usually takes a life-changing event or diagnosis like cancer to shake up our status quo and send us searching for deeper meaning in our lives. 

Pain and traumatic events like cancer have the power to change the trajectory of our lives.

Trauma transforms us into different versions of ourselves. Whether those changes are for better or worse is largely up to the choices we make, our perception and overall mindset.

Consider this, are you the same person that experienced that painful event in your past? 

No, the person that first experienced that traumatic event no longer exists. You have been changed, even on a cellular level. 

It’s so easy to get caught up in what happened and what could have been. But when we focus on the what ifs, we overlook the wonderful possibilities that exist before us right now.

In this way, when we rethink the painful events of our past, some of the most awful things that happen in our lives can go from being obstacles and stumbling blocks to opportunities that propel us forward on our path to reaching our purpose. 

How do you move forward when the memory is too painful to leave behind?

Some wounds are just too painful to move past and too difficult to forgive.

Sometimes the memory of what was can actually be more painful than the event itself. 

Sometimes, no amount of medication, therapy, prayers or meditation can heal the deep wound. However, I’ve found that healing from a traumatic event happens on multiple levels. While some wounds can’t be healed completely, they can be transformed into something better over time. 

Some wounds are sent to break us open to remind us of our true strength. 

Our wounds bring pain but they also bring a deeper wisdom that only comes by overcoming what originally hurt us.

These wounds are meant to break us wide open so that we can use our story of survival to light the way and guide others through their inner darkness.

Turning our past pains into stepping stones to realizing our purpose requires the courage to embrace what happened to you and use it as fuel to change the world.

Sharing our story of survival helps transform us from victims of circumstance into the victors of our own story.

Being brave enough to step out of your comfort zone and share your story lets others know there is a path forward out of the darkness. Because once we are able to heal our untouchable wounds, we can help others heal too.

Trauma and painful events from our past don’t have to continue to define our future. 

Just because something happened; doesn’t mean it will always be that way.

In my short time on this earth, I have survived numerous health crises, unspeakable losses and heartache including the sudden death and suicides of loved ones and my own personal journey with cancer. However, as difficult as those times were, I know they served a greater purpose, helping to shape me into a more compassionate and empathetic person.

Cancer at first seemed like an incredible curse, yet it has brought more connection and meaning to my life than I ever knew was possible.

Everything changes once you can look back on the most difficult period in your life and feel gratitude instead of bitterness because you finally understand it was all part of a bigger plan. We eventually start to realize as difficult as that time was, it was really a catalyst pushing us further along towards realizing our life’s purpose. When we are able to turn our pain into purpose, we start to melt away anger and resentment and replace it with joy and a renewed love of life. 

5 Ways to Turn Your Pain into Purpose During Difficult Times 

Look for the Silver Lining in the Situation

Try asking yourself the following questions: Is it possible you’ve been looking at that painful memory the wrong way? What if the worst thing you ever went through was a blessing that you weren’t meant to understand until much later? If it’s a painful memory you can’t forget, find a way to help others going through the same thing, and it will help you heal, too.

Get Your Feelings Out on Paper 

Take some time to reflect on the painful event. In a notebook or journal, write down as many memories as you can recall from that time. Write whatever comes to mind. Don’t worry about the order. Later you can go back and arrange the events chronologically. Also, don’t worry about writing in full sentences or whether or not your grammar is correct. Let the contents of your mind and heart fill the pages without judgment or fear. Getting your thoughts on paper helps you make sense of how you are feeling. Once you are able to reflect on what you wrote down, you may start to notice some repeating themes or patterns. Learning how to observe how you are feeling about a particular event without judgement, guilt or shame is one of the first steps towards healing.

Shift from Anger to Forgiveness

To forgive someone doesn’t mean that you’re letting this person off the hook or saying that what they did to you is okay. To forgive someone means letting go of the anger inside of YOU. It helps to think of your heart like a closet that can only hold so much. If your closet is filled with bitterness, there won’t be any room for good things like love and healthy relationships. When you forgive, you empty the closet of negativity and make more room for the love of others to fill that space.

Gain Perspective

Bad things happen to good people all the time. You can allow it to consume you or you can use the painful experience to fuel your life purpose. If you were bullied or assaulted as a child, if you lost a parent at a young age, if you felt invisible as a teen, if you’ve battled an addiction or chronic illness—all the suffering you’ve endured and survived could save the life of someone else who’s alone and scared right now, facing what you once did. The more you reach out with your wisdom, experience, and courage, the more you will heal, and instead of resenting what happened to you, you’ll finally be able to make peace with it.

One way to gain perspective is by practicing daily gratitude, especially during difficult times. As hard as it can be try to make a habit of listing at least five things you are grateful for each day. Try to be as specific as possible and it is best if you actually write down the list in a journal each day. Starting your day with gratitude is a simply yet very effective way to quickly shift your overall mindset.

Give and Get Support 

There may be someone already in your life who’s losing hope praying for help, going through what you did. You might be able to help in ways you could never have imagined. That person who needs your experience to help get through something that’s tearing them apart could be right there in front of you, and you just never noticed. You may be the answer to someone else’s prayer. 

Connecting with others in your local community, church or virtually through online support groups, can help you transform your pain into purpose by getting you to focus outside yourself.

Turning pain into purpose is one of the most powerful healing practices you can commit to in your life. Sometimes all it takes to save someone from hopelessness is another person who’s been there and survived.

More Resources 

During the most challenging times in my life what has helped the most is the guidance and support of others that are on similar journeys.

My battle with cancer taught me that reaching remission is only the first part of the journey. Being a part of their Hope Warrior Academy and private Facebook group this year really helped me build a more resilient and empowered mindset so that I can face whatever comes next. I highly recommend checking out their academy and the free resources they have on their website.

Website: https://hopewarriorproject.com/

Loving Through Sickness and Health

Married 3.31.2012

When it comes to those we love, forever never seems long enough.

Forever can seem like a long time until it’s almost gone.

Suddenly all those moments you share take on a special meaning.

8 years ago today, my husband and I stood in front of our closest family and friends and vowed to love each other forever.

We vowed to stay together through sickness and health.

Little did we know, we’d experience more sickness than health.

In the twelve years we’ve been together, we’ve experienced more challenges than most face in a lifetime.

Heart surgery. Brain surgery. Cancer. Twins.

It has been everything BUT easy.

It feels like we’ve had more heartache and hard times than seems humanly possible.

So many times, we’ve found ourselves wondering what will come next?

We’ve often wondered how will we survive this?

But I’ve found there is something about hard times that makes you able to love harder and deeper.

Holding on when all others would have let go long ago proves you are capable of holding on through the unimaginable.

Holding on when others would have given up proves you can handle whatever comes next.

Although we don’t know what the future holds, or where our journey may lead:

Through chaos and calm waters.

Through good times and bad.

Through sickness and health.

One thing for certain is, I’m so lucky I get to walk this journey with you.

Loved you then.

Love you still.

Always have, always will.

In honor of anniversary, I wanted to share some memories from our special day along with some from my treatment. Pictures do a great job reminding us just how far we’ve come together and help us dream of where we hope to go next.

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One of my favorite memories from our wedding day was the playlist we put together for our reception. I believe there is nothing that love and good playlist can’t fix.

Here is a playlist I put together on Spotify and Apple Music featuring some of my favorite love songs:

5 Lessons From Cancer that Helped Prepare Me For The Pandemic and Uncertain Times

Nothing throws a monkey wrench into your life quite like cancer.

 Suddenly everything about your life gets put on hold.

No matter how many days, weeks or months it took to bring you to your diagnosis, deep down, you realize life as you know it now will never be the same.

Getting diagnosed with cancer in late 2017 right before the holidays wasn’t the first time I faced a life-changing diagnosis—nor will it likely be my last.

Dealing with various forms of chronic illness, both visible and invisible, for over half my life has taught me a few powerful lessons about the things we can control and what we need to let go of to truly heal.

My journey with cancer, anxiety, depression and chronic illness showed me that although we can’t always control what happens to us, we can always choose how we respond or react to a situation through our mindset.

What wounds us has a way of healing us in more profound ways than we could ever have imagined.

Cancer was never something I envisioned would be part of my story, or my daily life, but somehow it has brought many blessings, connections and opportunities to my life that wouldn’t exist now if it weren’t for my diagnosis.

Sometimes our biggest bummers turn into our greatest blessings. Here are 5 Lessons from Cancer that helped me prepare and cope during times of uncertainty.

5 Lessons From Cancer that Helped Prepare Me for the Pandemic:

1. Letting go of my sense of control.

Uncertainty can be unsettling, but it is an unfortunate reality we all must face. During difficult seasons and times of change, we want so desperately to hold on to life as we knew it.  Cancer taught me that although I can’t control what happens to be, I can always choose how I respond to the situation.

2. Learning to accept change.

Life is unpredictable and things are always shifting and changing underneath the surface whether we realize it or not. When we resist the change, we also miss an opportunity for growth. Cancer showed me that sometimes the strongest thing we can do is let go. Sometimes we must surrender to what is and not focus on how we thought things would be or should have gone.  

3. How to accept, react and respond to disappointment.  

Cancer showed me that we have the power to transform any situation by the power of our beliefs. Things can go from bad to better. The broken can become beautiful again. My journey with cancer showed me our biggest bummers can become our greatest blessings in the end.

4. How to redirect my energy to things I can control.

Worrying is like a rocking chair. It may keep us busy for short time, but it leads us nowhere in the end. Cancer showed me there are so many things in life that happen to us that our outside of our control. Dwelling on what happened to us or worrying about the future, only takes our power away. Cancer showed me that I can’t look too far into the future. Instead, I have to focus on a few things I need to do each day and trust everything else will eventually work out.

5. Awful things can be opportunities for growth.

Painful and difficult things have a way of reminding us of our true strength. Our setback can put us on the path to realizing our true purpose. Yes, this may not be what we had ever wanted or planned for our lives, but somehow, some way, things always work on in the end.

When all hope seems lost and when the future is unsettling and uncertain, we must have faith that anything can change for the better.

I can’t promise where we’re going.
I don’t know where this path may lead.

Although everything is clouded with uncertainty, we must remember:

The blackest of nights eventually become day.

Keep the faith.
There are better and brighter days ahead.

Supporting You & Helping You Cope

One of the things that’s helping lift my spirits and keeping me grounded during these uneasy times is music. If you need a pick me up or quick escape, check out the Hopeful Warrior Playlist on Apple Music and Spotify.   

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Change Your Story, Change Your Life

History is constantly being written and revised. Don’t be afraid to pick up the pen.

Our stories give our lives meaning.

What story are you telling yourself?

What story are you telling others?

Do your thoughts echo your inner critic or are they your biggest cheerleader?

The stories we tell ourselves are connected to our past, yet they often limit our future.

What we believe is ultimately what we become.

Challenging and painful chapters make it harder for us to rewrite our story because we feel stuck.

I’ve often felt stuck in the past and powerless or even incapable of making a change.

Although we can’t change the past, I’ve found we must remember we have the power to rewrite our story.

Personal transformation begins with the stories we tell ourselves everyday.

The beautiful part of writing our stories is that you don't have to get it right the first time.

So don’t be afraid to revise your story.

You can stop to reread the last chapter, but always remember, it’s best to turn the page.

It’s never too late to reinvent yourself.

You can always rewrite the ending.

I’ve found you can write a happy ending with just three little words:

Things got better.

I survived cancer.

You can survive this.

Things will improve.

WE WILL OVERCOME.

What’s the happiest story you can write with just three words?

We Are Warriors

“Are you going to get the virus mommy? I’m scared.”

 My five-year-old daughter asks me as tears fill her eyes.

 “I remember when the ambulance took you away.”

 “I was so scared. I thought you were going to die.”

 My daughter recounts this heartbreaking story way too often.

 It’s been said that when one person gets cancer, the whole family and everyone that loves them does too.

 As much as I would like to put the memory of my treatment far behind me, for my children, the fear of my cancer returning or a virus sending me back into the hospital absolutely terrifies them.

 I try to move past those days, but the smallest thing can trigger a memory and I find myself reliving those moments all over again.

 My oldest had just left for summer camp that morning. I was violently ill and couldn’t sadly see her off to camp. My condition continued to worsen throughout the day. I couldn’t keep anything down. My husband made the difficult decision to call an ambulance.

 As the paramedics arrived, I remember being so weak I could hardly speak as they loaded me on the gurney. My mother-in-law and young children were sobbing and watching helplessly as the paramedics wheeled me out of our front door and into the ambulance on our driveway.

 The paramedics couldn’t get my nausea and vomiting under control. I was severely dehydrated by the time I got to this hospital. Hours after testing and a cocktail of anti-nausea medication and IV fluids my condition finally improved. 

 During my treatment and first year in remission, I battled severe bouts of nausea and vomiting.

I had to be hospitalized five times.

Each time I said goodbye to my family, we all wondered and feared what would come next. Thankfully, I was able to recover, and my health has greatly improved since then. Still, those what-ifs and worst-case scenarios keep replaying in the back of our minds.

It’s hard to move on, yet we continue to push forward in faith.

This is the reality most cancer fighters, survivors and immunocompromised face on a daily basis.

We may be tired.

We may be weary.

We may feel broken.

We must remember, we are warriors.

 Warriors view obstacles as opportunities.

Warriors work to defy the odds.

We refuse to give up on anything or anyone.

Warriors understand our greatest enemies can become our greatest teachers.

Warriors realize our current struggles will one day become someone else’s survival guide.

We have faced numerous battles.

We have experienced many defeats,

Yet our spirit is not defeated.

Cancer, like any virus, feeds on a sense of dysfunction.

It is often fueled by the many fears that surround any diagnosis.

The fear of the unknown and the frightening possibility of living life without the ones we love.

Although we may fear what’s in front of us,

We continue to push forward fearlessly through faith.

Thank you to all the doctors, nurses, first-responders and other medical professionals on the front-lines.

 You are warriors.

You are the reason I am still here.

You are the reason my family is still here.

After all, some must be warriors, so that others may live in peace.

Faith Over Fear

We are all scared.

Are you walking in faith or are you reacting out of fear?

Fear is fed by doubt.
Faith is led by trust.

When we feed our faith, we stop fueling our fears.

Fear keeps us trapped in the small details, while faith gives us eyes to see the bigger picture.
My journey with cancer showed me our greatest fears can become our greatest blessings.

It is up to us to choose faith over fear.

We must always remember:

Where God guides, God provides.
While we are waiting, God is working.

It’s time to stop trying and start trusting.

Better days are coming.

Natural Ways to Boost Your Immune System During Cancer Treatment & Beyond

Cancer.

 The BIG C.

It’s our worst nightmare, yet for many people around the world, battling cancer is their daily reality.

I believe whether something is a curse or a catalyst for the better is a matter of perspective.

In late 2017, right before the holidays, I was diagnosed with Stage 3 Hodgkin Lymphoma.

Lymphoma is cancer of the immune system.

Hodgkin lymphoma is a type of cancer that starts in white blood cells called lymphocytes. Lymphocytes are an important part of your body’s immune system.

As terrifying as getting diagnosed with blood cancer can be and as grueling as treating was, cancer brought a level of connection, community and camaraderie to my life I never knew was possible.

Can COVID-19 provide a similar opportunity for our world?

Maybe we have been given this unprecedented opportunity to slow down and come together right now for a bigger reason?

This incredible time is allowing us to connect to each other in ways we have never before.

I believe COVID-19 and the coronavirus pandemic is giving us an incredible chance to learn more about our bodies and the critical role our immune system plays in our overall health.

My journey with cancer and immunotherapy helped me better understand how my immune system works. Over the past two years, I was fortunate to not only take part in some of the latest clinical research into immunotherapy, but I also have tried to learn as much as I can about ways I can naturally boost my immune function so that I can help prevent relapse and ensure my chances of long-term remission. 

I wanted to share some helpful information I’ve come across from experts in the fields of biology, immunology, psychiatry and functional medicine, in the hopes it can help improve your health during these challenging and uncertain times.

A Growing Understanding of How Our Immune System Works

According to the emerging field of microbiology, scientists now say more than half of your body is not human. In fact, Human cells make up only 43% of the body's total cell count. The rest are microscopic colonists.

Therefore, the unsettling reality is, no matter how well you wash, nearly every nook and cranny of our bodies is covered in trillions of microscopic organisms.

As MIT biologist,  Dr. Shiva Ayyadurai explains the modern immune system in this video, viruses and bacteria are a normal, albeit typical part of our human existence and exposure to them actually helps build and strengthen our natural immune response.

There is growing scientific evidence that suggests mammals evolved alongside a complex and biodiverse multi-biome. The interaction between our bodies and this diverse biological ecosystem helps regulate our immunity and overall inflammation levels.

Dr. Shiva Ayyadurai explains in the video, the innate and adaptive two box theory of the immune system that is widely taught in medical schools is over 100 years old. Now, the emerging field of microbiology is changing what we now know about how our immune system functions and how we treat a variety of diseases.  

According to the two-box theory of immunity, when your body is exposed to a pathogen, it mounts an immune response via your T-cells and B-cells. Your bodies’ innate immune system gets triggered by an antigen in the first 72 hours from exposure and once that happens within three or more days, your adaptive immune system then kicks in to create an anti-body to help provide further immunity and stop the spread of disease.

This two-box theory of immunity dating back to the early 1900s supports medical interventions like vaccinations with the belief that it is better to inject a weakened version of the pathogen or virus directly into the adaptive system to help provide immunity instead of being naturally exposed to a disease like the measles or chickenpox.

Are the Microbiome and the Virome the Missing Links to Immunity?

Our immune system is simply amazing. It helps keep us healthy by keeping viruses and bacteria out of our bodies and by attacking foreign invaders and rogue cells. But this is a delicate balancing act because although we want our immune system to vigilantly police our body, we do not want it to attack our own cells. However, when it comes to treating cancer, this is exactly what we need our immune system to do.

Cancer cells are tricky. They fight back by releasing signals to the immune system that tell it to ‘turn off.’ Immunotherapy works by harnessing our own immune system to better target and eliminate cancer by turning on – and sometimes turning off these ‘checkpoints’ that slow or stop immune responses. 

With advances in systems biology and new notions of systems immunology over the last 20 years, scientist are now beginning to understand that our bodies’ interferon system is the missing link between the innate and adaptive parts of our immune system.

The Interferon System Plays a Critical Role in Our Immune Response

The Interferon System was discovered in 1957 by Isaacs and Lindenmann. Their discovery led to them finding several proteins that are produced by the body’s cells in response to viruses. These cell proteins play an important role in our bodies’ immune response. They found that the interferon system creates a feedback loop between the adaptive and innate immune system that regulates inflammation, immunity and overall health. Research conducted in the 1970s also revealed that these substances could not only prevent viral infection but also suppress the growth of cancers in some laboratory animals.

Within the last 20 years, scientists have also discovered another subsystem within our immune system called the microbiome consisting of 10 trillion bacteria in our gut and potentially as much as 100 trillion viruses in our virome. New research shows not only do our microbiome and virome regulate our digestion, they also play an extremely important role in our mental and overall health.

Exciting new research into immunotherapy effectiveness suggests a patient’s microbiome could be a critical factor for immunotherapy success. Two recent studies in Science suggests the microbiome plays an important role in predicting what patients are likely to benefit from immunotherapy and treatment could be made more effective for more people by tailoring treatment to the patient’s unique microbiome.

Helping Dispel the Myth All Viruses and Bacteria Are Deadly

According to  Dr. Shiva Ayyadurai, viruses and bacteria do not kill us. It is our bodies’ reaction and sometimes overreaction to viruses and bacteria that proves fatal. When it comes to COVID-19, the virus becomes fatal when it causes a “cytokine storm” in the patient’s body.

Critically important studies emerging from China suggest that for many patients who die of Covid-19, it may be their own immune system, rather than the virus itself, that deals the fatal blow. This overreaction of the immune system is called a cytokine storm.

During a cytokine storm, an overreactive immune system ravages healthy lung tissue, leading to acute respiratory distress and multi-organ failure. Untreated, cytokine storm syndrome is usually fatal. It is important to note, patients  in other studies who developed cytokine storm syndrome after coming ill from viruses often possessed slight genetic immune defects resulting in the uncontrolled immune response.

Recently, a number of specific anti-cytokine treatments have proven effective in treating a variety of cytokine storm syndromes, including those triggered by viruses. While randomized trials will be needed to confirm which, if any, of these approaches will effectively treat Covid-19-infected patients with cytokine storm syndrome, IL-6 blockade has recently been reported to be in use in China with successful outcomes in some individuals receiving this as part of their treatment.

Early reports also indicate there has been success treating patients with high doses of intravenous Vitamin C, as much as 24,000 mg/day. Another study showed that a dose as low as 200mg.day of Vitamin C has helped reduce the duration of pneumonia in infants and children ages 5 and younger.

Building & Supporting Natural Immunity

Throughout my treatment and during the last two years of being in remission from Hodgkin Lymphoma, I’ve been working on strengthening my immunity through various diet and lifestyle changes and well as through increased supplementation to help increase my chances of long-term remission.

 Here are some of the ways I have been working to build immunity since finishing treatment:

Dietary Changes

I went dairy-free about a year ago to help reduce my inflammation levels. I substitute with almond milk-based alternatives. I also make sure to eat mostly non-GMO/organic foods and stay hydrated by drinking about a half-gallon of water every day. I have also tried to eliminate gluten from my diet as much as possible and cut down on my sugar intake overall.

Getting Enough Rest

I’ve made a habit within the last year to ensure I am getting at least 7 hours of sleep every night. Also taking time to meditate and have slow down in a quiet place for a few minutes each day has done wonders for my mental health and overall clarity.

Exercise

Since finishing treatment in August of 2018, I’ve been able to resume a pretty active lifestyle. However, having dysautonomia makes it difficult to tolerate certain types of exercise for long so I mostly have been going on long walks and doing yoga at-home. Staying active is an important part of maintaining our health so I make it a habit to try to stay as active as possible.

Supplements

Growing scientific research shows that there is an extensive network of antioxidants and enzymes produced within our body. This antioxidant network of nutrients, enzymes and various proteins help to maintain a state of redox balance within our bodies. 

Having low antioxidant status such as low Vitamin A-D-E-C and low Glutathione level can produce a redox imbalance in our bodies. Our bodies naturally work to maintain a state of redox balance aka homeostasis, through various antioxidant enzymes in the body. However, food-derived antioxidants (what we eat, how much of it, how often and its metabolized by the gut) also play an important role in our health.

Psychological stress, competition, dietary changes, heat stress, infection and trauma are all well proven to alter this important function. Additionally, redox is significantly altered patients suffering from chronic health conditions like cardiovascular disease, type 2 diabetes, obesity or autoimmune inflammatory diseases, like chronic fatigue syndrome.

The following supplements can help improve cellular function and boost immune health:

Supplements for Boosting Overall Immune Health

Vitamin A

Vitamin A helps maintain a proper balance T cell functions within our immune systems and it also helps prevent excessive or prolonged inflammatory reactions. Our body naturally converts beta carotene to vitamin A. Beta carotene helps support healthy tissues and DNA function. Also, your body produces less Vitamin A as you age.

Recommended product: Beta Carotene (with mixed carotenoids) 

Vitamin C

High dose vitamin C has been shown to help boost immune function. IV- Vitamin C has large efficacy of use for immune modulation and boosting effects.

I take 500 mg four times a day and when I’m sick I up my intake to 1000mg 3 times a day.

Similar to IV Vitamin C, Liposomal liquid Vitamin C has been shown to be very effective at boosting immune function because it is more easily absorbed.

Recommended products: Liposomal Vitamin C liquid or PuraThrive Micelle Liposomal Vitamin C

Vitamin D

Vitamin D is an important micronutrient for our immune systems and when levels drop, the body’s immune system is suppressed. Studies have shown Vitamin D deficiency can cause an increased risk of influenza. High doses of Vitamin D for the first few days of illness (as 10,000-25,000 IU per day for adults) can help boost immune function. However, it is important to not take an increased dosage of Vitamin D for long because it can become toxic.

Recommended product: Vitamin D3 125 mcg (5,000 IU)

Zinc

There is some clinical evidence that suggests supplementing with zinc can help improve immune function. Supplementing with added zinc as soon as symptom onset occurs, or sucking on zinc lozenges every 2-4 hours may help shorten the duration of colds and the severity of symptoms.

Recommended product: Zinc chelate or citrate

All-in-One Supplement 

Greens First

Greens First is a complete phytonutrient and antioxidant supplement that works synergistically in your body to provide 49 different super foods, extracts and concentrates including super-greens, organic fruits & vegetables, probiotics, soluble and insoluble fibers, herbs, spices, natural flavonoids and digestive enzymes.

Greens First was a lifesaver for me during my first year in remission. I suffered from terrible nausea and chronically low appetite. Supplementing with Greens First helped ensure I was still getting all the vital minerals and nutrients my body needs to stay healthy. This is one of the best overall supplements I’ve tried for overall quality, taste and nutrition.

Recommended product: Greens First or Order on Amazon

Supplements to Help Boost Gut Health

Probiotics

One of the best places to begin to modify inflammatory states in the body, naturally is in the gut.  Housing more than 70% of our immune system, the gut is our interface between the outside and inside world and helps in many critical functions from synthesizing nutrients, digesting food, eliminating modern chemicals, supporting immune signaling, to regulating endocrine function, and brain chemistry.

Martindale Bengmark’s review of Prebiotics and synbiotics in clinical medicine highlights the role of lactobacillus probiotics in the gut microbiota.  According to Dr. Kelly Brogan’s article on how probiotics help improve our microbiome function, the strains that have been demonstrated to influence the immune system, species include  L. paracasei, L. rhamnosus, L. acidophilus, L. johnsonii,L. fermentum, L. reuteri, L. plantarum, Bifidobacterium longum and Bifidobacterium animalis. The best studied for anti-inflammatory functions are: Lactobacillus paracasei, Lactobacillus plantarum, and Pediococcus pentosaceus.

Recommended products: Probiotic G.I. , Orthobiotic Capsules, Florastor, Culturelle Health & Wellness Probiotic

Magnesium

New scientific research demonstrates the role of magnesium in helping to maintain intestinal health. Dr. Kelly Brogan has written extensively about how magnesium is a critical micronutrient for maintaining our health due to the more than 300 reactions magnesium is involved in, in addition to its role in helping to treat anxiety, especially in women.

I take 120 mg of magnesium glycinate 2 times per day.

Recommended product: Magnesium Glycinate

Immunoglobulin (IgG) 

A large number of studies in infants and adults have shown that supplementing bovine IgG (or colostrum as a rich source thereof) can help prevent gastrointestinal tract infections, upper respiratory tract infections, and help reduce overall inflammation.

Recommended product: SBI Protect IgG capsules

Restore/ION Gut Health

RESTORE aka ION Gut Health is a, soil-derived supplement that promotes an optimal gut environment and helps support respiratory health. It is not a probiotic or a prebiotic. Rather, it is a carbon-rich, alkaline liquid, comprised of Terrahydrite™, a proprietary formulation of Aqueous Humic Substances and trace mineral amino acid complexes.

Recommended products: Restore Gut Health or the newly rebranded version ION Gut Health

Extra-Immune Fighting Supplements & Anti-Virals

Elderberry

There are many different kinds of elderberry plants, but the flowers and berries of Sambucus nigra, commonly known as European elder, are the most studied and used in herbal formulas. Elderberry-based supplements — syrups, gummies, lozenges, pills and teas — are believed to work by supplying the body with antioxidants and boosting its natural immune response.

Recommended products: Nature's Way Sambucus Elderberry Gummies, Gaia Herbs Black Elderberry Syrup. Zarbee’s Naturals

NAC

Consuming adequate cysteine and NAC is important for a variety of health reasons — including replenishing the most powerful antioxidant in your body, glutathione. These amino acids also help with chronic respiratory conditions, fertility and brain health. NAC plays an important role in your body’s detoxification process. It can help prevent side effects of drugs and environmental toxins. NAC helps regulate levels of glutamate — the most important neurotransmitter in your brain and therefore may also help improve the treatment of psychiatric disorders and addictive behaviors. NAC can relieve symptoms of respiratory conditions by acting as an antioxidant and expectorant, loosening mucus in your air passageways.

 Recommended products: NAC 600 mg or Now Foods NAC Veg Capsules

Glutathione

Glutathione (or GSH) is the body’s own master antioxidant that was discovered way back in 1889. However, it was only about 30 years ago that the scientists began to understand its functions and discovered how to raise its levels. GSH performs many important cell functions including helping to regulate cell growth and division, DNA synthesis and cellular repair and more. New research shows certain functions, such as the DNA synthetic response, are exquisitely sensitive to levels of the antioxidant glutathione. Scientists have recently discovered the immune system works best lymphoid cells have a delicately balanced intermediate level of glutathione. Even moderate changes in the intracellular glutathione level have profound effects on lymphocyte and overall immune function.

Recommended products: Liposomal Glutathione liquid or Now Glutathione 250 mg

Naturally Reduce Inflammation

Turmeric

Turmeric has been used for centuries as an Ayurvedic and Traditional Chinese Medicine treatment. Turmeric root is often ground into a powder and consumed as a spice. Recently, curcumin has been shown to be a powerful antidepressant and to protect the brain. Generally, curcumin works by counteracting the harmful chronic inflammation promoted by many aspects of modern life. 

I take 500mg twice daily to help reduce my inflammation.

Recommended products: Turmeric Curcumin with BioPerine 95% Curcuminoids or Qunol Liquid Turmeric Curcumin

Note:

You should consult a licensed health care professional before starting any supplement, dietary, or exercise program, especially if you are pregnant or have any pre-existing injuries or medical conditions or in active treatment. Some supplements may interact with your medications so it advised to always consult your doctor or a licensed health professional first.

These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. These products are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any diseases.

All information, data, and material utilized in this document, presented or provided is for general information purposes only 2 and solely the opinion of the author and presenter. The information contained should not be construed or intended as providing personalized medical or legal advice. The information contained is not considered traditional or mainstream health care. Responsibility is placed upon the patient/ individual to use discretion and judgment when utilizing or determining products, procedures, treatments, tests, and therapies described therein this document for potential or existing clients / patients. Please seek out your Primary Care Doctor for more information.

 Sources

More than half of your body is not human—BBC

MIT PhD Dr. Shiva Ayyadurai Explains the Reality of the Modern Immune System— Dr. V.A. Shiva Ayyadurai 2020 

Interferon System and Immune Health—Encyclopedia Britannica

Psychoneuroimmunology—How Inflammation Affects Your Mental Health—Mercola

Meet Your New Symbionts: Trillions of Viruses—National Geographic

Top 9 Benefits of NAC (N-Acetyl Cysteine)—Healthline

The Microbiome, Is It the Deciding Factor for Immunotherapy Success?—Cancer Health

Microbiome- Let’s Get Into It—Dr. Kelly Brogan, MD

How doctors can potentially significantly reduce the number of deaths from Covid-19—Vox

Don’t Forget the Host: COVID-19 Cytokine Storm—The Rheumatologist

COVID-19 & 5 Ways to Help Boost Your Immune System–-Dr. Trevor Eason DC, DACNB, FACFN, FACSM, CFMP, CSCS

Understanding the science of redox in a high performance environment— Orreco

A Woman’s Friend: Magnesium—Dr. Kelly Brogan, MD



Lucky and Blessed To Be Cancer-Free

My latest CT scan on 3/16/2020 showed I am still cancer-free. I will be celebrating two years in remission on May 1st, 2020.

So happy to share the news…

My latest scan showed I am still cancer-free!

As luck would have it, I received a message from my oncologist on St. Patrick’s Day letting me know my scans looked great overall.

I had some questions on my results so I wanted to wait to share the news until I spoke with my doctor.

I was supposed to see my doctor today to go over the results, but Northwestern has decided to make all non-essential visits phone appointments during this time.

 My doctor confirmed my bloodwork looked great and I was so relieved to find out that my lungs are now completely clear after my earlier bouts with pneumonia this year.

 I still have a small nodule on my lung, but that has remained unchanged since 2017 so they are thinking it is most likely scar tissue from a past infection.

My latest scan noted an enlarged lymph node in my stomach; however, it has gone down in size since my last scan, so my doctor is not concerned.

 The best news is since this scan is clear, I will be celebrating 2 years in remission on May 1st!

Getting to the two-year mark is a crucial milestone because now my chances of relapse are about the same as the general population.

I will continue to have blood draws and follow up visits every 6 months, but NO MORE SCANS are needed unless my bloodwork or symptoms suggest further testing is necessary.

I will also be able to have surgery to have my port removed before the year is over.   

I am incredibly lucky and blessed to still be cancer-free.

We had plans to celebrate spring break and our 8th wedding anniversary in Phoenix and Sedona.

However, with everything going on we decided to postpone our trip.

As much as I would have loved to get away to celebrate, the news I am still cancer-free is all I needed to relax.

I am holding my fellow cancer fighters in my prayers because they are facing incredibly uncertain times right now.

Many are struggling with canceled surgeries and delayed treatments due to being at increased risk of infection.

Please keep all cancer fighters and survivors in your thoughts and prayers during these challenging times.

Thank you for your prayers and continued support!  

Flattening the Curve

Flattening the curve refers to community isolation measures that keep the daily number of disease cases at a manageable level for medical providers.

Last night I stayed in Chicago because I had a very early appointment at Northwestern today to have a port draw and routine CT scan.

I’m always a little on edge before any scan, and what’s going on in the world right now, has just about everyone on edge.

This was my second visit to Northwestern since the news of the coronavirus pandemic broke.
What I experienced today was very reassuring.

There were a lot less people and many bars and restaurants were closed or will be by tonight.

What was unchanged was the incredible care and dedication of doctors, nurses and first responders, I witnessed first-hand.

While I decided to wear a mask for the majority of the time due to being immunocompromised and my recent bouts with pneumonia, I saw many doctors and nurses working without masks.

This reminded me there is a fine line between living in fear and being prepared.

If my journey with cancer taught me anything, it is that when we can’t control the situation, all we really can control is how we respond.

So when those feelings of fear and dread start to creep in, I try to combat those feelings with gratitude.
As bad as things get, there is always something to be grateful for.

Today, I’m so thankful that I got to spend extra time with my dad during my appointments.

While these are certainly unprecedented and uncertain times, my experience today was a powerful reminder of the reality medical professionals and first responders face on a daily basis.

They can’t work from home, or practice social distancing but they continue to show up day after day to serve and help protect our communities.

Thank you for all that you do and I’m keeping all of you in my prayers.

Celebrating Survivorship: Faces of Cancer and Stories of Hope

One day you will tell your story of how you’ve overcome what you are going through now and it will become part of someone else’s survival guide.

I have four appointments at Northwestern this month.

Today was, by far, my favorite. 

Today, I got to share my story and celebrate my survivorship as part of Northwestern’s “Faces of Cancer.”

Although there are days when I wish I could put the memories of all that I endured throughout my cancer treatment, the truth is, overcoming cancer is a big part of my story—and that story has the power to not only help me heal, but others too.

When you get diagnosed with cancer you hear a lot of things. 

Things you can expect like side effects and hair loss. 

You hear your treatment options and how much it will cost. 

You hear your odds of remission or your chances of survival. 

But what matters most out of all those things is hearing the stories of other cancer survivors. 

Knowing that they made it to the other side of this terrible storm, gives you hope you will too. 

That’s why I’m incredibly honored to be able to be a part of Northwestern’s Cancer Survivors’ Walk & 5K. 

This annual event holds a special place in my heart because the thought of celebrating being a cancer survivor with my family helped me push through my treatments. 

I remember the first time I saw the event flyer while I started chemo in early 2018.

I told myself I’m going to walk in this event in June as a SURVIVOR. 

It was big dream because I was still scheduled to be in active treatment until August. 

Thanks to the success of my immunotherapy and chemotherapy treatments I was cancer free on May 1, 2018. Although I had chemo just days before and was still in active treatment, I was able to walk with my family and close friends. Crossing that finish line hand in hand with my oldest daughter Ava is a feeling I will never forget. 

Northwestern’s Cancer Survivors’ Celebration 2018

This year is extra special because not only will I be sharing my story but for the first time in two years I feel healthy and strong enough to run in the 5K for the first time! 

Next week I have my big follow up scan. If all goes well I’ll be celebrating two years of being cancer free at this year’s event. 

Please consider helping me make a difference in the lives of cancer patients and their families by joining me and my family on June 7th in Grant Park or supporting my fundraising goal here.

For more info on Northwestern’s annual Cancer Celebration Walk & 5K click here.

Thank you for your love and support! 

Immunotherapy Just About Cleared My Stage 3 Cancer Before Chemo

Vaccine-Based Immunotherapy from Novel Nanoparticle Systems. Researchers at the Texas Center for Cancer Nanomedicine (TCCN) are creating particle-based vaccines for cancer therapy. The particles carry molecules that stimulate immune cells and cancer antigens (proteins) that direct the immune response. This scanning electron microscope image shows dendritic cells, pseudo-colored in green, interacting with T cells, pseudo-colored in pink. The dendritic cells internalize the particles, process the antigens, and present peptides to T cells to direct immune responses. Source: National Cancer Institute

Why?

How?

Those two words tend to haunt you when you have cancer.

Why me?

How did this happen?

Why now?

How will I survive this?

I often caught myself wondering what would have happened if I caught my cancer earlier. By the time I was diagnosed and staged in late 2017, I was stage 3 and experiencing a lot of severe symptoms.

Where would I be now, if we caught this sooner?

Two years ago, on November 27, 2017, I was diagnosed with Hodgkin Lymphoma. Just as the holiday season was kicking off and I was about to celebrate my 32nd birthday, my world was turned upside down.

A month earlier I had found a suspicious swollen lymph node by my collarbone.  I decided to see my primary doctor after monitoring it for a few weeks. A series of bloodwork and CT scans determined I had severely swollen lymph nodes throughout my neck and chest. My primary doctor advised that I follow up with an ENT to schedule a surgery to remove the suspicious lymph node to have it checked for lymphoma.

I was told it could wait until after the holidays, but deep down I knew I was seriously ill, and I knew the chances were high that I had lymphoma. I decided to get it removed and checked right away, rather than wait until the holidays passed. On November, 22 2017, the day before Thanksgiving, I had surgery to remove the lymph node.

 A week later, just days before my 32nd birthday, I received a call from my doctor informing me the biopsy confirmed I had Nodular Sclerosis Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.

---

Hodgkin lymphoma is cancer of the lymphatic system, which is part of your immune system. It affects people of any age, but is most common in 20 and 40 years old and those over 55.

I was reassured by my surgeon that “It’s a highly treatable; even curable cancer.” However, lymphoma is not treatable through surgery. The standard treatment is chemotherapy. Immediately I began researching the standard course of treatment for lymphoma. I am fortunate to live in the Chicago metro area, so I had easy access to some of the nation’s’ top hospitals and leading cancer treatment centers.

As I began to research my treatment options. I was drawn to Northwestern after seeing the success of former Chicago Blackhawk Eddie Olczyk had with his treatment for his Stage 3 colon cancer earlier that year. I was fortunate to get connected to an oncologist at Lurie Cancer Center who has specialized in treating lymphoma for more than 20 years. She immediately put me at ease when she looked me in the eye and said, “my job as your oncologist is not to just treat your lymphoma, but to cure you.”

Northwestern’s Lurie Cancer Center is a nationwide leader in cancer treatment and offers a variety of clinical trials. After reviewing my biopsy results and bloodwork, my oncologist determined I was a good candidate for their new clinical trial for front-line immunotherapy followed by a reduced chemotherapy regimen.   

How Immunotherapy Works

Immunotherapy enhances your immune system’s ability to detect, target and eliminate cancer. According to the Cancer Research Institute, immunotherapy can target cancer cells wherever they are in the body, making it a potential universal cancer treatment.

There are several different types of immunotherapies and each works in a slightly different way to help improve your immune response. The type of immunotherapy I had is called immune checkpoint therapy because it helps strengthen the body’s cancer-fighting T cells’ ability to detect and eliminate cancer cells. Many immunotherapy treatments can also be used in combination with surgery, chemotherapy, radiation, or targeted therapies to improve their effectiveness.

Immunotherapy vs. Standard Lymphoma Treatment

The standard approach for treating Hodgkin Lymphoma is ABVD chemo, followed by radiation if necessary. As part of this clinical trial, my treatment would differ from the standard approach to treating lymphoma.

Instead of attacking my cancer right away with four aggressive chemotherapy drugs, I was given three separate infusions of Keytruda (pembrolizumab) immunotherapy over the course of three months before beginning chemotherapy. Because I was starting treatment with immunotherapy, instead of chemotherapy. I was given AVD chemo—omitting the bleomycin chemotherapy drug that is slowly being phased out of treatment due to its pulmonary side effects.

Immunotherapy Results

By my second infusion of Keytruda immunotherapy, I could feel a positive change in my body and a reduction in my symptoms. My chest started to feel more clear and I felt my energy improve. I did not experience any hair loss or other concerning symptoms during my three infusions of Keytruda.

In early March of 2018, before I began chemotherapy, I had a scan to check the effectiveness of the immunotherapy infusions. The scans showed, exactly what I was already feeling and experiencing in my body—my cancer was nearly gone. My PET scan showed I only had a few more spots left in my chest that the chemotherapy would hopefully target.

The scan on the left shows my immunotherapy results as of 3/8/18. The previous scan on the right was taken in late December 2017. In just three months of immunotherapy treatment, you can see a huge difference in my neck region (on left) I also had some cancerous activity in my arm pits and spleen which is also GONE! Just some slight cancerous activity remained in my chest. Very exciting results! After 6 cycles, 12 AVD chemo treatments, I was NED and am currently in remission as of 5/1/2018 .

Combination Immunotherapy-Chemotherapy Results

I began 6 cycles, 12 treatments of AVD chemotherapy in March of 2018. By my 2nd cycle or fourth treatment of chemotherapy, I began experiencing more severe hair loss. I also had a lot of severe nausea and low-appetite during chemo. To help keep my white blood cells up during treatment I did Granix injections at-home after every treatment.

At my midway scan during chemo, my PET showed no evidence of disease. I was officially in remission as of May 1, 2018. However, although I was in remission, I still had to finish all 12 treatments of chemotherapy.

I finished treatment on August 9, 2018 and am still currently in remission.

My next scan is scheduled for mid-March and if that is clear I will be celebrating being two years cancer-free on May 1st, 2020.

Immunotherapy Effectiveness and Side Effects

Immunotherapy is an exciting new treatment because it has the potential to provide long-term control of cancer.

Clinical studies on long-term overall survival have shown that the beneficial responses to cancer immunotherapy treatment can be long-lasting— continuing even long after treatment is completed.

Immunotherapy can “train” the immune system to not only detect but also remember cancer cells. This “immunomemory” may result in longer-lasting and potentially permanent protection against cancer recurrence.

Immunotherapies have been approved in the United States to treat a variety of cancers and are prescribed to patients by oncologists or available via clinical trials.

However, Immunotherapy doesn’t always work for every patient, and certain types of immunotherapy are associated with potentially severe but manageable side effects ranging from minor inflammation and flu-like symptoms, to major, potentially life-threatening conditions similar to autoimmune disorders. Common side effects may include skin reactions, mouth sores, fatigue, nausea, body aches, headaches, and changes in blood pressure.

Sharing My Immunotherapy Success

Just six months after a Stage 3 cancer diagnosis, immunotherapy helped me reach remission.

Getting diagnosed with cancer, was one of the worst things to happen to me and my family. But it turns out I was diagnosed at just the right time because it gave me the opportunity to be one of the first patients in my immunotherapy trial.

I hope that by sharing my story of immunotherapy success I can help encourage others to explore their treatment options, and give the newly diagnosed and other cancer fighters hope for remission, no matter where they are in their journey.

More Information

Find out more about how immunotherapy works by watching this video.

To see if immunotherapy is a potential treatment option for your type of cancer, click here.

Click here to search immunotherapy clinical trials.

Sources:

Cancer Research Institute

MD Anderson

Lurie Cancer Center

Cancer Research UK

Keytruda Immunotherapy

American Cancer Society- Treating Hodgkin Lymphoma

Clinical Trials at Northwestern 

Faith, Synchronicity and Healing

“In every moment, the Universe is whispering to you. You're constantly surrounded by signs, coincidences, and synchronicities , all aimed at propelling you in the direction of your destiny.” - Denise Linn

“Everything happens for a reason,”

the woman said with a bright smile as she sat down next to me.

 I was just leaving my cardiologist and decided to stop and take a picture of the beautiful Chicago skyline outside.

As I was sitting next to her editing my picture she said,

“In my 62 years on this Earth, one thing I know…

 Everything happens for a reason.”

 I nodded my head, smiled and said,

 “I believe everything happens for a reason too. “

If my journey with cancer has taught me anything is that there are no coincidences.

God works in mysterious ways.

 Yet God always provides Good, Orderly, Direction.

 Whether we realize it or not—we are never alone.

At times when we struggle to feel God’s presence in our life, faith steps us to gives eyes to see this good, orderly, direction.

Divine miracles are happening all around us every day, but it is up to us to notice the signs.

God is always whispering to us, encouraging us and helping to provide for us through the actions of others.

Yesterday I received the news I had been hoping and praying for months to receive.

I’ve been on edge because I have a big scan coming up that could solidify my odds of long-term remission.
But, over the past months, I’ve been having chest pains, low heart rate and dizziness that my doctors have been at a loss to explain.

 With my upcoming scan and history of cancer, it is easy to fear the worst.

After I was done praying and meditating yesterday in preparation for my visit, I decided to pull a card out of my Souls Journey deck to help set my intention for the day.

As I began to shuffle the cards, to my surprise the Peace card flew out.

I knew this was a powerful confirmation that I was to focus on PEACE and let go of my fear and any negative thoughts about my health and upcoming scan.

On my way home from my appointment, while I was silently rejoicing over the great news I had just received from my doctor about my heart, I happened to glance up and see the car in front of me had simply the word PEACE on their license plate. 

 This powerful synchronicity confirmed that good things are coming.

The seeds of hope are watered by our faith.  

We must trust and believe that all will work out in our best interest.

God will provide.  

Getting to the Heart of the Matter

Always remember how far you've come, not just how far you have to go.

You may not be where you want to be, but you’re not where you used to be either.

“We know what’s wrong with you.”

I’ve waited so long to hear those words.

What came next was music to my ears.

“You are going to be just fine.”

“Your heart is stable.”

For the last year, I have been having more frequent fainting episodes and heart rate issues.

After going through cancer, it’s natural to feel the worst.

Today I was reassured I am going to be just fine.

I do not need more tests to confirm.

I do not need more doctor visits to manage my condition.

My cardiologist assured me I can manage my condition better with few lifestyle and diet changes.

My doctor believes the symptoms I’ve been experiencing are being caused by dysautonomia, not due to any underlying issues with my heart.

“You need to work on filling your bucket and keeping it full.”

Salt and water.

Turns out that’s all my body needs right now.

My doctor assured me that increasing my salt intake should help combat many of my current issues.

Going from patient to survivor is an interesting journey.

It’s funny how sometimes we can search for years to find ways to heal, only to discover what we needed was inside us all along.

Healing is Not Linear

“Some people cannot be cured, but everyone can heal.”

Healing is not a linear process, but rather, more of an upward spiral. You process things cyclically and each time it comes around, you peel back another layer and get closer to your core.

Healing is not linear.

But nothing in life ever really takes a straight path, does it?

Rivers wind.
Valleys dip.
Branches bend.

Many times, in my health journey I thought I was coming to the end, only to realize it wasn’t actually the end— it was the start of a new beginning.

Is there a good time to get cancer?

No.

But I think I came pretty close.

By the time I was diagnosed back in early December of 2017, I was showing signs of advanced cancer.

When I was told I was Stage 3, part of me felt guilty I had let my health reach this point. But I ended up getting diagnosed at the perfect time because it allowed me to take part in a new immunotherapy clinical trial.

Had I been diagnosed sooner, I would have missed this opportunity. I believe this trial is a large part I’m still in remission today.

It’s funny how things tend to work out for the best, even when all can seem lost.
One unexpected turn and it turns out you were exactly where you needed to be all along.

I’ve found that when we are worrying all is lost, God is working.

Just as our heart rate rises and falls, God draws straight with crooked lines.

We may not always see the big picture, but God sees the entire canvas.

We often expect the events in our life to unfold in a linear way.

We believe we must go from point A to get to point B.

We believe we must have XYZ in order to be truly happy.

But, my journey has taught me there are no short-cuts to coming full circle.

Healing takes time to unfold.

Each arc in the path of our journey is an important part of our story; without those experiences, we wouldn’t be the person we are today.

Maybe this struggle was sent to help anchor your faith?

Maybe what wounded you was meant to help remind you of your true strength?

It may not make sense now, but one day it will.
There is purpose is our pain.
There is meaning behind all this madness.

I’ve found that is only in overcoming ourselves that we able to help others heal too.

The Meaning of Hope

Hope is one of my favorite four-letter words.

I believe these four letters hold tremendous power.

Hope, to me, means that ANYTHING is possible.

Hope is a foundational belief.

Hope constantly aspires for more.

Hope believes any situation can change for the better.

Many times in my life, hope has been my both an anchor and a life raft.

Hope anchors my faith and gives me wings to rise above adversity.

Hope may not always be the best strategy.

But sometimes, it can be our only lifeline.

In times of despair, it is hope whispering tomorrow will be better,  

that helps us drag ourselves out of bed.

Hope is having faith in something more than yourself. 

Hope is believing that there is more to life that what you are going through. 

Hope is realizing that maybe these things aren’t happening to you; but perhaps, they are happening for you. 

It doesn’t matter if your hope is big or small.

All that matters is that you find that thread of silver lining in your situation and grab hold of it.

Eventually, that thread of hope will begin to multiply.

Through the lens of hope, you will begin to view your situation in a new light.

Those struggles. 

This difficult season. 

Maybe this fire wasn’t sent to destroy you. It was meant to forge you into a stronger, more resilient version of yourself.

But you have to be brave enough to hold on to the hope that life will be beautiful again. 

Because it will be.